-DISCONTINUED-ISH-Between the Lines, A Lams Fanfic-DISCONTINUED-ISH-

27~Communicating~27

TW: Mentions of self-harm, suicide, and panic attacks, calling someone a slut & whore, and rape,

Tuesday: 10:46 P.M.

John's heart was heavy as he walked to his dorm room. Every step felt like a burden, and he could barely keep the tears from falling. His hands shook as he unlocked the door, and he took a deep breath before stepping inside. 

The room was empty, and the silence was deafening. He shut the door behind him, feeling like the weight of the world was on his shoulders, and went straight to his room. John's footsteps echoed through the empty dorm as he made his way to the closet. 

As John began to change his clothes, a wave of disgust washed over him. Every movement felt wrong, and the emptiness inside him seemed to intensify with each passing second. As he reached for his shirt in the closet, he noticed red and purple spots trailing down his body,

Slut

As John unbuttoned his shirt, he couldn't help but feel a sense of revulsion that seemed to seep into his very bones. From the moment he had met Francis, he knew that everything was wrong, but he couldn't resist the dangerous allure of the man. 

It's your fault if only you had fought back.

Now, as he gazed at the red and purple stains that trailed down his body, he felt a sense of overwhelming guilt that threatened to consume him entirely.

Stop playing the victim

Tears welled up in John's eyes as he thought about the fling he had had with Francis. He had betrayed Alex, the person he loved more than anything in the world. What was wrong with him? Why couldn't he resist the temptation that had led him down this dark and dangerous path? He wanted it, but he didn't fight back, so it was clear that John, just let Francis do that to him.

You wanted it to happen,

Feeling claustrophobic and trapped by his actions, John sank onto the floor of the closet. He knew he had to tell Alex what had happened, to confess his sins and beg for forgiveness. But the very thought of it made him feel sick with fear and shame. He didn't know if he could find the courage to go through with it, but he knew he had to try.

We all know you enjoyed it, whore

He had cheated on Alex - the person he loved more than anything - and it made him feel sick to his stomach. He looked at the tank where his turtle used to be and felt a pang of sadness. He missed the little guy, and the thought of never seeing him again made him feel worse. 

Suddenly, a knock on his door startled him. He froze, not sure if he wanted to answer it. But then the door opened, and Thomas Jefferson, his best friend, hugged him tightly. John's initial reaction was to tense up; he didn't want to be touched. 

However, as he realized it was Thomas, he relaxed. He knew his friend would never hurt him, either mentally or physically. "I'm so sorry," Thomas said, holding John's back tightly. His voice was choked with emotion, and he sounded like he was on the verge of tears.

"What happened?" John asked, trying to feign normalcy, despite just having the worst night of his life. Well, except for the part when Alexander kissed him.

"I don't know. I'm just sorry. I don't know what I did wrong, but I feel like you hate me," Thomas admitted, burying his face in the crook of John's neck. John could feel his friend's tears on his skin, and it broke his heart.

They both fell to the floor, their knees hitting the brown wooden floor. All Thomas could say was sorry. "Thomas, you have done nothing wrong. What are you crying about?" John asked, perplexed, as he tried to soothe him.

"I just feel like we don't hang out anymore, and I'm slowly starting to think that you and James hate me. I just don't know what I did wrong. But I just, when I told James, he told me he doesn't but- I just feel like he's lying," Thomas explained through tears. John could feel his friend's pain, and it made him want to cry too.

"Thomas, James loves you. Whenever I'm with him, all he talks about is you," John said, taking a deep breath, trying to get Thomas to match his breathing. "You taught me this, remember? Three in, two out. Come on, let's stop crying."

"I'm sorry for wasting your time. You have a life and stuff, forget about what I said," Thomas said, letting go of John and getting up. "God, I'm such an ugly crier," he mumbled to himself.

John stood there, confused and worried about his best friend. He couldn't help but wonder what was going on with him, and he hoped he could help him in some way.

As Thomas turned to leave, John gently grabbed his arm and stopped him. "Hey, where do you think you're going?" John asked, his voice soft but firm.

"I don't want to bother you with my problems. You have enough on your plate," Thomas said, trying to pull away.

"Thomas, you're my best friend. You can always talk to me. I want to help you," John said, holding Thomas's arm a little tighter.

Thomas looked at John, his eyes red from crying. "I just feel like I'm losing you guys. I don't know what I did wrong."

"You didn't do anything wrong, Thomas. James and care about you, and we always will. We've just been busy lately, but that doesn't mean we don't care about you," John said, trying to reassure him.

Thomas looked down, still feeling unsure. "Please, just forget what I said, forget me, ignore me, I don't care, I know you hate me. Go talk to Samuel, James, heck even Alexander for all I care, they're all more important than stupid Thomas." Thomas choked on his tears crying.

"You're important too Thomas. I can't just ignore you, without you I wouldn't be here, Thomas, you're the one who found my body on the bathroom floor. I would still be taking the blade out of pencil sharpeners. Thomas, you're my friend, and I care about you. Please don't leave," John said, pleading with Thomas.

Thomas looked up at John, and for a moment, they just stared at each other. Then, Thomas hugged John again, this time more tightly. "I'm sorry. I just feel so lost sometimes," Thomas said, his voice muffled by John's shoulder.

"It's okay. We all feel lost sometimes. But we have each other, and that's what matters," John said, hugging Thomas back. 

They stayed like that for a few more minutes, just holding each other. Then, John let go of Thomas and smiled at him. "Feeling better?" 

Thomas nodded a small smile on his face. "Yeah. Thanks, John."

"Anytime, Thomas. Anytime," John said, patting him on the back. 

As Thomas left, John couldn't help but feel relieved. He knew that his friend was going through a tough time, but he was glad he could be there for him. And he knew that no matter what, they would always be there for each other.

The aroma of melting cheese filled the air as Thomas shouted from the kitchen, "I'm making Mac and cheese, do you want any?" 

John, who was wiping off any trace of tears from the crying session earlier, asked, "Sure, wanna watch a movie?" He then sat down in the living room, putting his hands on his stomach. 

"Put on Miranda," Thomas said before getting interrupted by the loud beeping sound of the microwave. 

John replied, "Of course, it's Miranda. Also, get tissues for when Anthony Ramos dies." The couch felt particularly comfortable that night, the pillows hugging John softly. Not drowning him

"Don't remind me," Thomas replied. "I cried myself to sleep when that happened, couldn't finish the movie." They watched the movie, cried, and laughed all night long, creating memories that would last a lifetime.

Yes, I didn't forget about Tommy, not to mention you guys got little bits of John's backstory!! 

Next chapter John tells Alex what happens, will Alex break up with him? Will Alex yell at him? Who knows! (me and my co-writer do)

Anyway, have a good day/night I'm getting rest and finishing homework.

-Celeste out