-DISCONTINUED-ISH-Between the Lines, A Lams Fanfic-DISCONTINUED-ISH-

13~Solitary~13

TW: (There are a lot for this one buckle up) Mentions of the death of a loved one, mentions of medications, crying, implied sex, implied rape, being alone, tripping, shouting, boy x boy,  cussing, almost being kicked out of a car, mentions of not getting sleep, almost passing out, Francis, and Jefferson and Hamilton getting along.

Sunday 4:34 A.M.

Alexander woke up, his eyes felt groggy, his throat was dry because of how little sleep he got,  and the bags under his eyes weren't getting any better. He needed sleep, but that came rarely to Sleep never came easily to Alexander. because that's just how he was born. He looked outside just to see the stars in the night sky, the stars reminded him of John and his freckles, it reminded him of how much he was in love with John.

Alex grabbed for his glasses on the nightstand, put them on his face, and almost shivered at how cold the glasses felt, got up out of his bed, Alex went towards his desk, and tripped over the shoes he left on the floor. He fell flat on his face, and the sound of his body slammed against the floor echoed throughout the room, as his body ached in pain.

"Ouch," Alex said, rubbing his face from the fall, he slowly got up, his body feeling weak and tired, his legs and arms were failing him, but he pushed through and made his way to the computer and started a letter.

Alexander working on typing a love letter that he would never send, but he never got to write anything, the screen was blank. There were zero words on the computer, this was one of the first times Alexander couldn't think or write. The keyboard felt cold, everything felt cold, his chair, the desk, everything felt cold.

The Letter was to John, but John had a boyfriend, but even so, Alexander knew John didn't want Francis. He knew that they weren't meant for each other, Alexander sighed, and John wouldn't break up with him because Francis would, somehow reel him back into loving him.

Alexander looked at the brightly lighted laptop screen, he wanted to tell John how much he loved him, how he wanted to be with him till the end of time. He wanted to be with John, hold him closely, and make him feel safe and loved, but he couldn't do that.

John was in love with Francis they were together and nothing would change that. 

Alexander slammed his laptop and started crying, the tears being the only warm thing he felt all day. His nose started running, and his tears were running down his cheeks, he could taste them, the salty tears as they made their way to the floor, how his clothes were damped.

Why couldn't John love him, it hurt so much, Alexander put his hands in his face and started sobbing his eyes out, already knowing the answer. "He only sees me as a friend," 

Alexander let out a small sob and whimpered, John only saw him as a friend, and nothing more, 

Alexander started sobbing more, trying to keep the noise down, if his roommates heard him he'd have to talk about his feelings. He could see John's soft, warming smile, his arms wrapping around Alexander, tightly hugging him.

The way that John smelled like lavender, the way John looked well in every outfit he wore, or the animals that would always find their way to him. He wanted to be happy with John because his eyes were the only thing that could make Alexander shut up for once.

"Why can't you love me, John?"

Alexander practically choked the words out while he continued to sob softly, he got off the chair and sank to the floor, the carpet underneath him. He rubbed his hand on the carpet and it reminded him of John's hair, his soft, fluffy, hair.

"What did I do to deserve this? I lost everything and then you made me fall in love with someone who has a boyfriend and doesn't like me back! Not to mention we are friends! What did I do to deserve this!" Alexander said, yelling softly.