The eternality in our ephemerality

Chapter 7. Without hesitation, we fall.

The scent of rain on wooden bark cribbed my anguish and tickled my curving lips. It was a drug that slowly pulled me in closer, it hushed my pain and   cradled my eardrums into an oasis of comfort. For a moment, or two, i forgot the hole sorched into my chest. It was not one that ached, simply a hole, a void, deep between my body; mangled and tangled in between my muscles and flesh.  

That void was a part of me now....And that was the worst truth of all. 

The smell invaded me and blocked every  sense I owned. Like I said, it was a drug, the problem was that, in that dreamish-like state, i haven't realized the trembling of my lips or the blue fingertips i know posessed. 

That was the first thing I noticed when my eyes decided it was time to open themselves, or at least I thought they had opened. My pupils, slowly figured themselves into the circle which, in vagant detail, studied the ecosystem I found myself at: a conifer woods, the chirping of birds, the moon radiniating its pale light towards my skin....Despite everything, every stupid action  I madre that ended with myself here, now, in the darkness, i knew i had to be thankful. Thankful i hadn't died.....not yet anyway.

 In a matter of seconds my lungs would begin to fail, my heart to slow down trying to hold on o the little heat i had left, my veins would contract themselves to such an extent that blood would no longer flow to my extremities. This was what they called hypothermia. And i knew. The worst? I could do nothing.  

With blurred pupils, still too afraid to think rationally of my prophesised ending,  my glossy eyes looked desperately for a change; however, it was useless to try to see and distinguish a change when my hands were in the same ocean colour and above there only laid a nighted, sleeping sky. No one could see me....but that wasn't a feeling i was foreign to. 

My mind kept mumbling that I was awake; that I could feel my limbs moving: as were my numb-soaked toes gliding over the fabric. When i exhaled, my mind fooled my eyes into seeing a warm   vapour condensing afore my eyesight and as I saw how it melted into thin air, the pain slowly begun to rise. 

But that feeling, of pain,  felt so surreal that it didn't even seem to be there, i was too numb to feel anything and too high on adrenaline to even care. Everything felt like a dream and nothing felt like reality. The incomprehensible sense that the dream had ended but my eyes were still clenched...it was a time where, for countless seconds, the passionless wound was buried in between the line of the shallows and the depths. A wound that forced my pride to surrender to the pressing all consuming shadow, a cliff I was staring at with my flaming eyes.

My eyes continued to flutter; unsure if I was in a dream admiring the essence: the owls, the scenario, the serenity that was there, it could only happen in a dream because the stabbing pain was gone; faded with the wind.

I'd like it to keep it that way. Even if it's a dream.

I was no longer angry nor wanted to scream and tare dow the entire forest.

The pain was there, lurking in the shadows waiting to strike, but it was still felt in a larger distance; not stabbing me as it used to be.

To my existence and knowledge, my grandmother had taught me that there was only one feeling worse than a heartache, and it is regret. And now, I regretted each and every single moment I had spent with that bastard I called my boyfriend.

I knew he would never settle for me, but the fact he called me perfect and then cheated on me? That's a low blow. If I was perfect then why the hell did he cheat? I am not perfect, I can be  all the possible uglies out in the wide world- I can be ugly, I can be a bitch, i can kiss out with one guy and then dump him, I can be  a cheater. And after a few moments of silence, i started laughing hysterically. Of course it was a lie, everything these days now felt like a lie.