The eternality in our ephemerality

Chapter 19. Be rational. It saves you so much pain.

The rational side appealed to my self preservation: who would want to touch a panther in its most wild and unnerving state? Opening its jaws and smiling at the flesh crushing fang he possessed. Fangs that would be stricken directly upon my heart.

He was the first soul that used his eyes as weapons and wounded as a dagger would. If eyes are windows to the soul, then my question had been answered: he is as uncaring as I had initially suspected. The heart I thought I felt was crippled beneath my hands, and dirt was replaced by it.

I attempted to gasp, but there was an insufficiency of air and sound that bid me to release, to the external world, that my heart perilled in this instance.

At this moment, it was just him and I: and he looked at me like as if I were the embodiment of hatred.

I could now realise, with a droplet of crystallised anguish, that the angel that protected me from harm, was nothing more than a fictitious product I had created.

I had been entrapped in a mythomania.

My heart, my soul, my body, would have been safer if he were unreal.

Knowing nothing more would have been gained, I continued staring at the extraterrestrial creature. Each second the greyness expanded across my shivering body, it reminded me more and more of the frost that held me in its arms when he took me out, a memory that came rising to the surface cruelly and impregnated its affliction in my damaged vision. 

My fingers, attempting to flee paralysis, bonded at the pearl of my necklace, pressed the charm with inhuman strength and stayed clung to it as if my life depended on it. His eyes, bored or in a tempest of air, showed me I was not worthy of his gaze, and with a radical grin, he parted his face of mine....

An earthquake crossed my body, my lips shaking with a fearful desperation, that introduced a tsunami of emotions I attempted to block behind a wall of lead....I could not collapse on such little violence.

He had done nothing to me. He just stared at me as if I was the demon itself.

I giggled, tears cribbing my eyes.

He took me out of the woods only to place me in his jeopardy.

He was not the angel I thought he was.

He was not the boy I thought I could care for....Thank for. 

I laid still for more unnecessary seconds. My body and the field had become one, the daisy I had on my fingertips remained seized, the conversation of my friends became a distant, indifferent chatter...

"Hi ale!" A voice, too mature to be any of my friends and too rough to be from the earliness of youth, sprang me with fright and warned of the dangers of overthinking. My body, unconsciously, jumped from the land and gaped at the trespasser with quizzical darts: It happened to be my Biology teacher: Miss Evans. Oliver, traumatised by my gasp, searched the plainness of the land and searched for the intruder of the serenity. His eyes laid on mine and knew I had been the cause of such unsteadiness.

I attempted to smile with glee. Failed. I quickly cleaned the remaining tears off my cheeks with my jacket. I smiled as I did so.

"I was impressed about your knowledge" She commenced. I, attempting to focus solely into her eyes, became a bargain of insufficiency "I was glad when you chose Biology: you are astoundingly good and....you seem as if you just saw a ghost. Dear, are you alright?"

The figure's eyes darted into mine, her hand reaching for my shoulder. I shook off the grief, the pain, the uncertainty, the fear.....and stared, mechanically, at the figure.

"Miss...Hi" I breathed. Her eyes confused. "Of course, I would want to choose biology! I love it! And yes, I am a little sleepy maybe, it is that?"

Her head nodded as a relief....unsure of what could be said in the context. She didn't buy it. I wouldn't either. But still, I smiled as a reassurance, she echoed.

"Well, I am glad you took the course, I have hope you and the new boy will intellectually challenge each other. You will certainly upgrade the class learning material"

My body froze once again, the waves of shattered glass kept breaking on my mind. With language incapacity, I limited myself to a smile and hoped her ignorance would protect her.

"Ty dear!" She sprang in delight as she saw my friend arrive. "How are you?"

Ty, initially darting at my eyes, saved me from the abysm my mind was falling into...I looked at him with grace and smiled with true relief.

"Hello miss, I am perfect, how are you today?"

He, aware of my inability to properly talk, took the conversation as a blanket and wrapped it with pride, leaving my burden of mind to solemnity once again.

Miss, noting a faded smile, fled in a hurried excuse and wished to see us when Biology came. Oliver, sincerely preoccupied, joined me by the back.

I smiled politley again. "What the devil happened to you? I had never seen you... frozen?"

"I know....I know." I mumbled, attempting in futility, to bury the sight, the threatening, my silenced cry for help...But he had seen the cause for such a state.

"Why was he looking at you like....that? Is he mad?"

"If he is...then so am I" I confessed then humorlessly laughed... " I suppose you know about my...fleeting scenario" he nodded, the slight shame rising to the surface and evidencing his caprice by the crimson in his flushed cheeks. "Well...He was the one who pulled me out of the forest" his eyes doubled in size. I bid him to be silent. "Yes, he was the one. But you can't, and I am trusting you with my life Ty, say a word...You can't. "

He closed his hand in a fist and extended his pinky, I did the same.

"I promise" and we both kissed our pinkies.

His eyes stared with audacious sympathy. I, aware of what my words meant, followed with deafening silence.

"I hadn't realised the truth that I now have..." I commenced, spilling more information than the one required, as per usual. He stared doubtfully at my comment. I corrected my words" I was simply surprised at the new kid, I thought his heart was more than stone.... I was proved incorrect. what they say is right: he is undoubtedly weird"

"I know" he assured, smoothing at my previous words and as an act of solidarity, forgetting in an instant the secret I had just spilled with indecent calm. "The soccer boys found him okay, he is already part of the gang" his eyes rolled at the word. I could not help but laugh at his word choice. "But never mind, your secret is safe with me...besides, we should be grateful there were two: I quite like Andrew, he is....fresh."

"He is, isn't he?"

"Oh" The bell rang, the day had finally ended.

Hallelujah.

"Come on, we do not want to be late" He commanded and I, with a delighted smile to be of assistance, held his arm and allowed me to follow his marching steps.

Ty grasped my hand with striding strength, he was somewhat aware of my natural instability. I did smile and laughed in humourless flings, but my hyperactivity was asleep. My natural excentric energy seemed to be dorment and people seemed to notice.

I thought no one would. My heart swelled a little bit.

My friends had woken me up from my daymares. I'd forgive him, in the belief that his broken humanity is in desperate search for kindness. But was I really capable of forging his vanity if he wounded mine? Would Lizzie forgive Mr Darcy of he had done what Spencer did to me?

Funny, how a simple look can destroy every armour you built, every dagger, every protection crumbling like sand escaping from on your hands.

Once again, Jane and Oliver had been proved correct. I read too many rom-coms that forced me to hope that this clown would magically surprise my heart. Well, he has, but a surprise of fear and hatred rather than love.

In a glance, I saw who he truly was...and unfortunately, the only thing I hoped for was for him to be a dream.