The eternality in our ephemerality

Chapter 65. The match

I went straight into my regular seat. Sat and laughed along with Miltoast and Mary. My mind kept distracting me, but my eyes soon encountered a love I cheered at: Andrew hugging beautifully Jane and Jane embracing his heart. Their precious smiles, laughing and smiling at each other, glowing happiness. How I was in paradise and fell towards the cold hard ground. A golden memory turning grey. A hole was made in my heart and my salad remained untouched. I was the only one to blame, I kept pushing people away and now, the memories I thought were golden, kept backstabbing.

Much like him. 

Walking and running away could never help me, they could see I had been crying, the black circles under my eyes and the haunting lines of misery as if they were tattooed on me. A label that said 'I am sorry I ever trusted anyone and now he's gone'

They see that I can't walk but am still trying.

Just another day where I noticed how my paradise crumbled away.

After break, the remaining classes went in a blur and volleyball practice made my feet hurt and my legs on fire. As I headed outside the front gate, Soph and Jane caught quickly with my rushed tornado. I could hear her footsteps leaning closer towards me and I, still confused and biting my lip, stopped and waited for them patiently.

"Alejandra!" Jane screamed.

"What's been up with you?!" Soph screamed. I knew they were right and I didn't have it in my soul to start another random and ridiculous fight. They were my best friends. Mary, Jane, Louise and Soph were my best friends. Olive is still Haiden and Bria's doggy, flipping and wagging stupidly her tail each time they talked to her. I loved her, but after what Haiden did, I was not going to stand there and do nothing, I had to tell them.

I waved them and pointed towards the oaky bench no one ever sat at. It was perfect. We headed towards the brownish and incredibly old wooden seat and I began.

" I am sorry" I began "I know I have faded and that my mind has gone. I know I've neglected you guys and haven't responded to any of your texts and you are my best friends. I - I- guess that you were right... Spencer did-" I can barely say it, I couldn't. Besides, what is love other than just brain chemicals circling around? Huh? "Spencer did"

I tried again. Massive failure.

"Love you." Jane said

The words grasped my throat like a hand grasping my neck, unable to breathe. The knife once again was encrusted in me, and even though my blistered hands tried to remove it, it stayed there, motionless and sucking the remains of my life and love with it. I stayed quiet, looking at their dumbfounded and startled gazes, their hands quickly going up to their months trying to quickly cover their round 'O' shaped lips. I continued,

"No" I denied it "He lied, about everything." Their eyes doubled "He was the one who spilt the tapes. He gave them to Haiden."

"Oh that little bi*ch!" Jane cursed 

"She is" I laughed with her a little, ironically. "I wouldn't be suprised if he had some secret affairs with her and his bed...I should've known better. With him? Stupid. I know it can barely be an excuse and I- I- I am so so sorry-"

"Stop apologising for things you didn't do!" Jane screamed. I slightly jumped and the tear hopped out of my face.

"Ale, we're your best friends. We could never judge you and though it takes us by suprise the tapes thing, we do know that Spencer loves you..." She paused and looked at my heart broken face, staring down at the piece of paper I found on his jacket. I carefully held the crumbled piece of paper dangerously close to my heart, knowing that it couldn't hurt me now.