The eternality in our ephemerality

Chapter 63. Who's the runner now?

I drifted away into the depths of my dreams knowing the only thing I had was uncertainty. Was it even real?

The next morning my brain woke up still confused about Spencer's presence and words; how clearly he had spoken to my heart. It's confusing to somehow know that his words had been tattooed on the insides of me, like dark ink in my red heart.

As if all this time I had been an idiot that no matter who or what was said of him i admired him! I cherished him! god i even wanted to be with him! with that liar! that piece of dirt!

But players do have great poker faces. He lied, and i had cought him. Well, he came.... clean. 

I dressed up unsure about any of my  decisions and had breakfast still unsure what I had eaten. Got in the car still unsure about anything. What would I say if I saw him?

Hey spencer, yes you're quite an abomination for man kind, im sorry my kind. 

I nodded the thought out. 

"So, Spencer came home yesterday," My dear sister said.

"I was asleep" I complained.

"Look" She parked. "I know that you and I see things differently, that in some cases you think my brain is filled with bubbles and that Peter is not my 'best suiter'. However, before you start your judgmental criticism"

"Hey! I had never judged you"

"Shut up! And yes you do! You think that because you have such a big brain of yours that you deep down think you are superior. That you could do better"

I growled

"Look," She continued "I didn't come here to start a fight, I love you and I always have, but I can't let you waste an opportunity like that just because you are scared!"

"I am not" I counterattacked.

"Would you please shut up so I can finish! Yes you are scared! You are terrified!" She grabbed my hand and placed it next to hers. "Your heart had just been broken by a douchebag. Ale, face the truths! You were way too good for Sean!"

"Yeah well that asshole got over me real quickly and replaced me without second thought to Haiden! I mean, what kind of girl am I? I thought I took care of myself, cleaned up and did exercise and simply be nice to people and look at where it's gotten me! My friends pity me, James hates me and Spencer.... Oh that- that- that. Nevermind, that idiot ruined the chance and obliterated every piece of hope i had at finding at least a chance at love"

"You haven't" She looked at me with her humble eyes "I know i'm no expert, but if he came home yesterday after you left him after you kissed, that boy must really be crazy about you"

I looked away.

How could I see him after I called him a fuckboy and humiliated him in such a way?

"How did you-"

"Know about the kiss? Ale, you came home with tears rolling down, the only time you had ever done that is when you ran away into the forest. You really need to stop being so..... perfect! You don't need to get straight A's to be smart! You don't need makeup to be pretty! You don't need other people's thoughts to value yourself! Honey, Haiden hates you because you are everything she's ever wanted! The attitude incrusted in your soul is one of a kind, You get smiles out everywhere you go, you create laughs and joy. You are a joy in a person! Stop doing what other people want and start doing what you want."

"Thank you" I said as I hugged her. I was motivated, my heart raced, my feet stumbled. I was ready. I have no clue what I am going to say, but at least I will try.

"Now get out of this car before I punch you out" She laughed. I ran out of the car and, like the speed, headed towards him. I got out, sent her a kiss and entered the wolf's cave, looking in sight of him, but everywhere I looked, he still wasn't there. I didn't give up, constantly mumbled to myself "don't lose hope" and "he'll be here" yet no face resembled his...

"Hey" Andrew spoke

"Oh hi" I replied, still looking for his brother.

"Spencers not here in case you were looking for him" He spoke

My quest stopped instantly, I remained silent, my eyebrows furrowed and my mind spun.

"Why isn't he here?" I spoke gently. He glared across the room, spying and meticulously analysing if anyone was watching us, then, he leaned closer and whispered to my ear

"He didn't say, but after you spent the day with him he arrived home unlike I had ever seen him. He had that look in his eyes that not even his mother could stop him. He went upstairs and shut the door, my dad went upstairs trying to talk to him but not a word. He didn't yell or punch anything and then grabbed his car. I followed him and saw that he drove to your place, but after that he drove like a maniac, away from here. We hadn't seen him. Mom has called him crazy but no sign of him."

I looked into his chestnut eyes and bit my lip. A bomb dropped on me.

"Did I cause this?" I said, the tears would roll down.

"No, no '' He said, then he looked away "Maybe... Look, Spencer, he is... he is Spencer. He does what he wants when he wants. But after he stopped by at your place... he just kinda fell apart. We've always been close but not even to me he would speak. He has always been controlled, he knows what to say and when, where to go and how, who to get involved with. But with you, he's losing it. He can't control anything about you, can't tell what you'll say nor what you'll do and it is driving him crazy"

"So what do I do?" I said sadly

"You don't do anything. You stay with me and Lefou."

"Lefou?" I asked curiously. My brain is still confused, now also sad I could cause him this damage.

"Yeah, Ty! Remember that I was Gaston?"

"You are Gaston" I clarified

"Yeah well, not everyone can look this good"

"There it is" I laughed

"Look. Don't worry about Spence. He is a smart boy. He'll figure things out" He said in a hopeless attempt to loosen my worried face.

I smiled sorrowfully.  

Who's the runner now?