The eternality in our ephemerality

Chapter 60. Irony is the best chess player. It always sings checkmate.

"My feelings are yours, my heart and all the agony withheld by such is yours. You caused this flame and my burn! Ale please, I beg you. We can fix this, you can fix me...I need you. Just please stay!" His eyes teared, his mouth begged, his heart ached- all in the desperation of knowing, finally, that I do love him. That i did. 

"Why didn't you tell anyone you had saved me?" I asked as the tears dried away

Silence.

"Because it is your story to tell, not mine. Yours." He replied instantly, boldly. Definitely as his fists delicately curled and his lips pressed fiercely. I laughed at his comment. "The story I am fighting for is the one I am feeling right now." He blurted; and the humour I had faded.

Ashamed, his hunched back tilted: a snake coiling back into its cage.

The same crows revolted around my mind, each with a question in their beaks.

And I, desperate, confused, angry, perplexed... looked up into the sky for some hope.

Another tear rolled down.

We both stood standing, with our hands next to each other and our hearts being shattered.

"You fall and I follow." I commented, his voice lightened. "And it's pure irony! You held my secret from your tongue, but your eyes shouted it out loud. You betrayed me...if the bizarre emotion we had was love, I am certain it will never bite me again"

Silence crawled up again. My back turned towards him: he, appalled by my action,

"Yell at me! Scream at me! But do not neglect what we have! You know the truth hidden beneath it and so do I."

"And why did you know it?" I threatened, my step pinched at him: my mind scolded the action and retrieved the action "In school, the first moment I say you you hated me. Despised me, that much not even a word came away from your lips. I would have rather gotten you to yell at me and be angry but just talk to me! You ignored saving me. Until now, I believed you buried the secret... and I came along that secret"

Silence tormented us into gloom again: I could not part from him in such a fragile state, but I knew that I could never stay with someone who damaged my heart as much as he did in so little time.

"My heart was already dead before I met you-" He spoke, cleaning the roughness of his voice and pressing his fate harder into mine: as he stepped forward, I stepped backwards. Not afraid of him, for the wound was open and pouring, but afraid of myself...attempting to fix his wound before mine...and my wound perished my life far greater than his did. He proceeded with the shattering.

"My life was empty and monotonous. The thrill was gone, the eagerness to go out and live another day... My mind was blank, you painted it; like all the books you read, my life was before sunrise. You urge me to bring back the past, to see me....But why? What is there to see?! Me? Ha!...... You already have. What is the thing you are so fearful of? What?.... What! And if you want it that way, fine, leave. You should leave me, you should not forgive me, you should rip my heart out before it turns bigger and aches for you more! But I want you to stay, to forgive my scars and give me another chance....In any case, you will leave me and my fucking shredded mind scattered in pieces across this land!"

Silence remained haunting us down, tearing us into this nightmare we call life. His hands torturing themselves into flickers of movement, drawn and repelled by myself. My silhouette remained untouched, a stain of coal black emptiness dodging away the light I so dearly cherished.

"You can leave me" His lips whispered, "Unlike me, you are free.... to do as you please and to love who your heart chooses to. I do not have that privilege...you have chained me down and turned me into a prisoner. You can leave me, you can outrun my selfishness....but I will not forgive myself if I spared you from this torment.... I know you love me, I can hear your heart's quickening sound each time you look at me, the depths of your breath and the stumbling of your words....