A Court of Secrets and Moonlight

11: Remember Me

Tamlin

147 years after the lie

Solarea didn't look that much different from the Spring Court, at least not now. The woods were much denser, darker even during the day, but they still contained that same brightness of my home. The weather was just starting to grow warmer, and the air was humid as a soft rain pattered on the foliage above me.

The first time I had come here, it was out of pure desperation to see what lay on the other side. Only a few years after she had gone through, I found no trace of her. There had been whispers of war in the villages, brutal battles being fought in the southern area of the territory. I had no sense of direction here, no clue where I was or who they were at war with, and it had been enough answers for me at the time.

The next time was nearly 50 years later, a few days after I had seen Rhysand for the first time since the night he killed my family, the night I killed his father. And when I saw him again, a million memories rushed back in my head of the male I had looked up to, the male who had been like an older brother to me more than my own ever was, the male who had trained me, who believed I had betrayed him. Betrayed her.

His hatred was an unrelenting reminder of my failure, my broken promise. And if he only knew the truth, he might hate me even more.

That was the first time I had seen her. I wandered back into that village, looking for any sign, any whispers of a girl with shadows. I found nothing, as I expected until I walked past a masonry shop. I caught sight of her hair first, not entirely out of place in this land. There were plenty of women here with every hair color under the sun, but that hair, midnight black, almost violet when the night hit it. I had only seen that hair on two people before, and there she was. She was talking to what I assumed to be the shop owner, a burly older-looking man with very round features at odds with his pointed ears. She was wearing a type of armor I didn't recognize, expensive looking with black and gold details, a sheathed golden sword at her hip. I was in shock, seeing her so very alive, laughing and smiling. Time seemed to stop, and I couldn't move. I just stood, waiting for her to notice me, waiting for any sign that she was still the Leur I knew.

And then she said her goodbyes to the man, turning to face me fully. It was only then, looking at her face, that I realized just how deeply I had missed her. I remember forcing myself to breathe, forcing myself to move for her. Her eyes trained on me as I took my first steps in her direction, and it took me a moment to realize how different they were. Not violet, but golden. Soft and glowing with an otherworldly power, scanning me, and there was absolutely nothing in them. No sign of recognition, no smile, no tears, no anger. Nothing, she just stared at me as if she saw right through me, as if I was nothing. And then she was walking closer, and I couldn't breathe anymore.

"Excuse me, sir, are you alright?" Her voice was the same, like midnight and the scent of lilacs.

She had no idea who I was, absolutely no clue.

"I'm fine." I had forced out, "Just a bit turned around."

She had placed a hand on my arm, touch soft and gentle, staring at me with concern in her eyes, "Tell me where you're trying to go, and maybe I can help."

It wasn't her, not Leur. She should be laughing, making fun of me, telling me she didn't like my hair long, something, anything. Instead, she was talking to me like a stranger on the street, in the voice I knew she reserved for people she did not know. And I was going to be sick, so I ripped my arm out of her grasp and mumbled something along the lines of "No thanks" before sprinting back through the woods. I spent hours in the woods outside of the Ingysi in the Spring Court, hurling up everything I'd eaten for the past week and cursing the Mother for taking her away.