𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐛𝐨𝐲

XXIX. My First Love.

WHEN HE got home, Jake saw his mom sitting on the couch, watching tv while Evie played with her toys. "Hey..." He walks over and the woman quickly looks up. "Hi, hon." She said quietly, just staring at him. He walked around, sitting down on the other end of the couch, smiling softly at how Evie was just playing with her stuffed animals.

"I get it. You didn't wanna talk about him. I don't like talking about Olivia either... but it still would've been nice to hear about it sooner rather than so late. But whatever. Better late than never, right?" He says and the woman sat up straight. "Jake--" "mom. Just... just let me talk and then you can tell me whatever you want. Okay?" He tells her, finally looking at her and the red, puffy eyes breaks his heart.

"All my life... I felt like I was never good enough for a dad. Because everyone else had one, John B, Pope, Kie... and like, it just seemed like I didn't have it in me to be loved the way they were, and... I don't know, I guess at some point I even felt like I deserved it." He said as he now looked away, fidgeting with his hands. "I get it. First love hurts. It sucks. But it would have been nice to know. Maybe we would've bonded, I would have been understanding, you know." He said, looking the other way.

"That's all." He mumbled and she reached over, sighing as she pulled him into his arms. "Jacob, you're my boy. You're my first and only child. I didn't wanna lose that. I didn't wanna lose you." She emphasized, brushing her fingers through his hair now. "For the first four years of your precious life, I thought your dad didn't want me or you, so of course, I got used to that. That you were all mine." She whispers and he just closed his eyes, sighing quietly.

"Just like how you feel like Evie is all yours... I didn't wanna share with your dad." She said, shaking her head softly and he just nuzzled his face into her shoulder. "I'm sorry... I'm sorry I was mad." He whispered and she shook her head. "You had every right to be." She said then she leaned back from the hug.

"You--you should reach out to him." She suggested, nodding as he frowns, glancing away. "No. I'm all good. All I need is you, mom." He says and she smiles softly. "That's sweet... but you really should just... reach out and get to know him, maybe." She suggested and he nods, just staring at his mother.

"Also... do you mind watching Evie again? I'm gonna go hang out with some friends." He says and she began grinning a bit too big. "Is one of them Kiara?" She asked and he looks away, kind of coyly with a small smile. "I mean... yeah." He says, chuckling. "Gran tells me you and her are dating. Like officially now? Everytime I asked you whenever she stayed, you'd kind of make this dumb look and say she's her own person and makes decisions on her own." She said and Jake laughs, blushing slightly as he scratched the back of his neck.

"Well... she asked me recently. And I said I didn't wanna pressure her. With Evie too, and all... but she said she wanted to be official." He says, smiling faintly as he looks down and his mom looks at him, smiling. "Well... I'm happy for you." She tells her son. "I think I love her." Jake blurted out, looking up.

"Oh." Marienne said, her brows raising a bit and a grin slowly growing on her face. Jake chuckled again, a bit awkwardly as he blushed, his face turning more red. "I don't know... I mean, she's so great. She's good with Evie, and... and she's so caring, and she always does what she can for us. And... I don't know, I'm scared at the same time because of how deeply I felt for Olivia and we know how that turned out..." He says and the woman just chuckled, nodding her head. "Well... I think that's beautiful. If you love Kie, you love her." She merely tells her son.

"I guess I don't know my feelings... yet."

When he was on his way out, walking towards the direction he knows where the bonfire is, he sighed and stopped when a Honda Civic pulls up to the curb, stopping in front of his house. Olivia smiled and waved, before gesturing him towards her vehicle for him to get in. He momentarily gets an instinctive feeling that he shouldn't go into her vehicle, that he should just walk to the bonfire, but then he remembers where it is, he doesn't want to walk that far and he wants to see Kie right now.

He got in and looked at Olivia. "Heading to the bonfire?" She asked and he nods. "Perfect. I'll drive you." She said and then drove off after telling him to put on his seatbelt. Music played at a low volume, Jake can recognize this song but he's not gonna acknowledge it. Right Side of My Neck by Faye Webster. "I've been really thinking about it, Jake. Especially since the last time I gave you a ride somewhere. I need to know now." She spoke, glancing over a few times while she's saying all this.

"Know? Know what?" Jake asked, a bit awkwardly and Olivia rolls her eyes, glancing at the side mirror. "You know... the answer to me or Kiara. I mean, I told you I love you. That I was jealous. And that... I wanna be together for Evie?" She looked over and Jake just stared straight ahead. It wasn't really a thinker, like he didn't need the time to process it. He didn't really care what she's gone through, well, no, that sounds bad. More like, yes, he knows it wasn't her fault for any of it.

But he's felt abandoned for nearly two years now, he can't just easily trust Olivia again. What if she wants to leave him again? What if she decides she doesn't want to be a mother anymore? He can't just believe her word anymore. So, no. His answer's always been no. Especially the fact she's making it a choice between her and Kiara? It's a no-brainer. Kiara. Kiara always, today, tomorrow and the rest of time. "Liv..." He looks over.

She looks at him, hopeful, because it's the first time since she was back that he ever even uses her nickname. "You know I love you. I mean, that I loved you. You were and always will be my first love." She looks away, the hopeful light in her eyes faltering slightly. "And... I mean, obviously, you're the child of my mother. And I'll always appreciate all the labour you've gone through just so Evie could be on this Earth. But I can't be with you..." He says.

"Is it Kiara?" She sounds a little petty, mad or jealous, for something completely out of her control anyway. "No. It's... well, she's a factor of why. But also... I could never date you again, because of the trust that was lost." He explained and she just nods, blinking slowly. Telltale sign she was gonna start crying. "Oh." She said quietly and he looks away.

He feels bad. The girl just confessed to him not long ago. "Then... maybe it's better we take this custody thing to court. My dad told me... if we can work it out and date, you would have been able to come stay at Figure Eight with us sometimes. For Evie." She looked over then quickly looked away. There were tears evidently on her eyes but he doesn't feel guilty. Like whatsoever. "But... he told me if you didn't wanna get back together, it will have to be settled in court." She explained as she looked back to the road quickly.

"Oh. Um... okay." Jake said quietly and Olivia stayed quiet now. The arrival to the bonfire party felt a bit awkward, the car stopping and they got out. "I--I'll see you...." Jake trailed off, watching as Olivia had just walked away without a word, her hand raising to her face.

She was walking towards some other Kooks, towards where Beatrice Sloane was. Jake watches as Beatrice turned to Olivia with a worried look on her face. He sighed, walking away, now he felt bad. But it's whatever. Not like there was anything anyone else can do to stop it. His feelings for Kiara.

 

 

 

  

 

 

 

  

  

   

  

   

authors note
oh man..... anyway

+ sorry i havent updated in 2 days lol