FALLEN FROM GRACE ⍋ Regulus & Sirius Black

- Chapter 60 -

SO THIS IS CHRISTMAS,
Regulus' POV.
A Short Chapter...
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I woke up at half seven, with an awful Christmas song trapped in my head already. As if I had been singing it in my sleep. Though I couldn't recall any dreams.

My bed felt too comfy to leave and I knew no one would be around until midday, anyway.

Father had stayed around the Malfoy's for the weekend. Celebrating early into the hours of this morning with Uncle Cygnus for combining households with the Malfoy's. Through Narcissa, who likely reluctantly stayed up too. I knew after the Christmas party she felt exhausted. That was only just the beginning for our more intimate celebrations, as the guests disappeared.

Mother and I didn't stay for long, leaving the morning of Christmas Eve...she had caught Bella cornering me in the study the night before and decided the weekend for us was over as soon as the sun rose.

I think Mother knew what conversation she was itching to have with me. I had sensed it too...and it wasn't the first time Bella spoke about it to me successfully, though this time was different. She spoke about him with more love than I had ever seen her express for Rodolphus and promised what he could give me.

I glanced over at the posters on my wall, posters Bella had given me for a few years now. My mind still lapping over those promises, as if I were scanning them for a reason to decline.

She had given me the posters for inspiration. Claiming he was the man I could and should become.

You couldn't tell it was him. They wouldn't draw him, only approach an outline. As if he were some kind of religious figure and by conceptualising his image was to disrespect him. Obviously real photos were out of the picture, quite literally and for obvious reasons.

But even without a face...he wasn't invisible, as I felt and I wanted to be loved in the way Bella described his power.

I only had about three from Bella, recruitment posters...the rest were clippings from news articles and any new book I could find.

I wasn't interested at first, only putting up the posters to add a bit of colour to my dull walls...but there was something about how others spoke about him. Something that painted him as godlike...and I wanted so desperately to believe in something, in someone.

"Merry Christmas." I said to myself, laughing pathetically at the irony.

Knowing that I have never believed in even Father Christmas, not once. Not even as a child.

I have never believed in anything, even when I should have.

I dragged myself out of bed the moment I realised my eyes were glued to the typings pinned to the wall. I had to stop overthinking the offer.

I opened my door, escaping the confinement of my room. The words from the articles starting to mutter behind me. I had to close it all behind me. Just for today.

The door creaked at its hinges and clicked into place as I shut it. A sigh of relief escaping my lips.

Out of sight, out of mind. I hoped.

To my surprise there were fairy lights lining the stairs in front of me. Going up to the third floor.

I froze in my spot. Not expecting any sign of Christmas Day to be evident.

There had been no gift outside my door. No Christmas tree downstairs.

I hadn't checked to remove Sirius' present, if that was the only one Mother remembered to do.

I quickly, as if a countdown had begun violently knocking against my skull, ran as quietly as I could to his room. Whincing as the hinges also creaked with movement, similarly to mine.

My heart stopped for a second seeing movement on the other side of the bed.

I was too late, I hadn't prepared, I -

"Kreacher." I let out a sigh of relief, seeing him come around to the other side of the bed.

"Oh, Master Regulus Sir." He quickly snapped his fingers. Which caused me to frown.
"Merry Christmas, Master!"

"What was that?" I asked. Ignoring his niceties.

Kreacher never played dumb. He knew each one of us would see right through it and he wouldn't be thanked for such a performance.

I saw an ever so slight flinch in his face, as if he wished I hadn't asked.

"A gift, Master." Kreacher said softly, keeping his head low.

A mixture of feelings started to flood into the empty cracks of my skull the internal countdown had chipped away at.

Anger.

Disappointment.

Confusion.

Sadness.

"For Sirius?" I asked. My throat drying and feeling as if it were swelling.

Kreature nodded.

"Did you happen to clear one away for me, Kreature?" I said whilst my vision slowed but my heart pounded.

"No Master Regulus, Sir."

This time I was the one just to nod.

"Very well," I said quietly. Clasping my cold hands in front of me.
"I appreciate you handling it." I added. Acting as if he had unburdened me from a responsibility I knew all too well.

Instead I simply wished he had done it sooner, that I never found out. That I wasn't reminded that Sirius was the one my Mother believed in. Until her dying breath.

Sirius was Mothers Dark Lord.

And just like that, I knew I had to accept.