ambivalence ☆ // awsten knight

☆ thoughts ☆

☆

the two weeks following their first time consisted of margot going over to awsten's apartment (or him going over to hers for the rare times olive wasn't home) and spending time together. intimately.

as much as margot was enjoying it, she was seriously starting to regret not talking to awsten about anything. she had real feelings for him but she was worried that he just wanted her for sex.

not that she would mind usually, she liked sex enough to have a friends with benefits situation, but she was too close to this for that to work.

instead of saying anything, she just kept going over or inviting him over and sleeping with him without any sort of serious conversation.

it was early june when olive finally confronted her. "you just look pathetic."

"wow, okay. rude." margot replied. she looked in her phone camera, not noticing anything amiss.

"shut up, i didn't mean it like that. it's just, you're very obviously moping around our apartment. it's sad." olive started, "tell me what's wrong."

margot groaned, covering her face, "it feels so stupid." at olive's look of confusion, she continued, "it just- it feels like it's my fault." she muttered into her hands.

"that gives me nothing to go on, babe." olive said, wrenching her hands away so she could see her face.

"the thing is, i think i want more than what's happening."

"that is so incredibly vague."

"me and awsten!" she admitted, flopping onto the couch face down.

"wait, i thought you liked having sex with him." olive said, scrunching her face confused.

"i do, i really, really do. olive, he is really good at-" she lifted her head slightly to reply.

olive cut her off, "alright, too much. stop right there." she took a deep breath. "so, what exactly is the problem?"

"the problem is that i..." she mumbled the rest of the sentence into the couch.

"i did not hear a word of that." olive complained.

"i said that i like him." margot lifted her head to glare at olive for making her say it.

"okay? shouldn't you like whoever you're sleeping with?" olive paused. "... oh! you mean... oh! oh my god. you have a crush on him!" she squealed.

"shut up! it's not... a... a crush!" she said, slapping at olive to get her to shut up. she was feeling extremely embarrassed.

"no need to deny it. it's okay. have you, i don't know, talked to him about it?" olive said, patting her on the back.

"of course not! then i'll have to know how he actually feels about me! and what if he just wants me for sex?" margot cried, throwing her hands into the air.

"well, then you'll know. and then you'd have to decide if you were okay with that, or if you needed to end it." olive said sympathetically.

"... when did you get so wise?" margot asked skeptically.

"i've always been wise. obviously." she rolled her eyes.

"olive, i love you, but last week i watched you drink a vodka redbull and then wonder why the hell your heart was racing." margot deadpanned.

"... fair point. but i'm smart about relationship stuff! that's why i'm not in one. too much drama. i'm quite happy with my flings." she replied.

"what if i don't want to decide?" margot sighed.

"i think you're going to have to. this is clearly affecting you. and as much as i love you, i do not want to see you pouting every single day when you aren't being fucked."

"i do not pout!" she complained before realizing that she was in fact pouting in that moment. "okay, whatever. but it'll be so much worse if i break it off."

"who says you're going to have to break it off in the first place? awsten is like, obsessed with you. as much as you are with him. it's mutual obsession. all signs point to him wanting to date you instead of just sleep with you." olive said, stating the facts.

"but you don't know that!" margot said loudly.

"okay, here's what i think needs to happen. you obviously need a bit of a break. don't hang out with him for a couple days. we can do a girls night! get our nails done and everything. that way you can clear your head a bit and actually do something about the way you're feeling." olive declared.

"i hate that that sounds like a good idea." margot reluctantly agreed.

margot checked her phone for the first time since starting the conversation, and she realized that awsten had texted her during it.

you wanna come over tonight? ;)
awsten

her gut response was to immediately reply yes, but she thought about what olive had said.

i wish :(
margot

olive and i are doing a
little weekend getaway
thing
margot

it was close enough to the truth that she felt fine with telling him that. she didn't have to wait long for his response.

damn
awsten

i'll miss you
awsten

have a good time, though,
princess
awsten

she showed her phone to olive, to prove to her that she was actually listening to what she was saying and not just ignoring her advice. olive cheered, wrapping her arms around her.

"i'm so proud of you! look at you doing things that are good for you." she smiled, squeezing her. "now we have to actually plan a weekend thing. let me call off work so i am all yours."

"perfect," margot smiled, she was starting to think this would actually be good for her. who knew though. "i'm already off work this weekend so i don't have to do anything." she said.

olive left her to go call her work and margot breathed out. she really needed to decide if she was willing to just be friends with benefits or if she needed to break things off with him if he didn't want the same things as her.

"stop thinking! i can hear it from here!" olive shouted, still tucked away in her room.

"sorry, mom!" margot shouted back.

she hoped this weekend did her good.

☆