𝗔𝗩𝗔𝗡𝗧𝗘𝗘 𝗦𝗢𝗟𝗘𝗠𝗘 𝗟𝗨𝗙𝗘𝗥
𝟤𝟤
𝗧𝗨𝗘. 𝗔𝗨𝗚𝗨𝗦𝗧 𝟮𝟱𝘁𝗵,𝟮𝟬𝟮𝟭
𝗞𝗜𝗦𝗠𝗘𝗧, 𝗧𝗘𝗫𝗔𝗦; 𝖬𝖮𝖴𝖭𝖳 𝖹𝖨𝖮𝖭 𝖢𝖤𝖬𝖤𝖳𝖤𝖱𝖸 ; 𝟿:𝟺𝟷 𝙰𝙼
𝘛𝘏𝘌 𝘚𝘛𝘖𝘙𝘠
"I'm so sad that you left me sweetheart. I'm trying to find you in these women and the search is not going too well for me right now." Avantee lay on a plush blanket beside his mother's grave in full blown tears.
He'd shown up to her grave at two in the morning in distress. He'd been feeling her energy heavily lately and felt called to come visit her and sleep right next to her grave.
"I wish I could talk to you and you respond back because I could really use your sweet words of comfort right now. I just want to hear your voice just this one time momma. I really need you more than ever right now. Daddy ain't too good with emotions and doesn't know how to be empathetic so I can't talk to him. Nikki baby gone back to Maryland to continue her education. I can't keep calling her to listen to my problems. That's inconsiderate of me to waste her time doing so." He sniffed and wiped his soaked neck.
"My friends just as lost as I am so I can't keep talking to them niggas about my feelings. I won't get no where listening to them. I'm more mature than them niggas so half of what I'm going through right now, they don't even have the mental capacity to know how to handle it their selves. Everything's just all bad right now momma. Your baby boy is going through it once again." He chuckled to himself after mocking his mother's favorite saying.
Every time he would get in trouble with his father, she never save him from an asswhooping; Especially if it was needed. She in fact let him get his ass whooped then comfort him by telling him jokes and feeding him his favorite meal or snack. Then when his brother would tease him for getting in trouble, she would defend him and always say "my baby boy is going through it honey! Leave him be!" Oh how he missed her so much.
"You haven't been visiting me in my dreams lately and I'm just curious as to why? Then Karlie pops up out of the blue trying to talk to me. Why? Nothing is making sense." He sniffed and shook his head "Theo hasn't even been coming to see me. Y'all mad at a nigga or some? What's all that about? I ain't did nothing."
He paused for a brief moment to fish through his thoughts,figuring out what he wanted to tell her first and save for last. After all, he had a lot he wanted to talk with her about. Nobody was on his conscious level to just hear and tell him what he needed to hear and he learned early on that bottling up his emotions and repeated thoughts was actually bad for him.
So talking out loud to his mother's grave in hope of some kind of sign that she was listening to him, was a comforting gesture for him to try. He didn't understand why it was now, but he knew within due time, it would all make sense to him.
"I hope you're not mad at me for killing those two bums outside and around the street from the service station a few months ago. You saw what them bums did to me momma. They had it coming. Though I was wrong for making bets with them knowing dawg on well I wasn't gone pay them back, they should've just asked me for their money back instead of trying to take it back. You don't offend nobody like that and expect them to not want to harm you. You gotta understand why I reacted in the violent manner."
He shook his head thinking about Bo and Easton "I repented after I did that. You heard and saw me begging God for forgiveness. I know I was wrong for interfering with God's timing. I just hope you talked to him and asked him to continue to look over and work on me. Guide me to my life purpose. Guide me away from the evilness and wickedness. What I did and who I was that night was not God's son and I don't want you or him to think that the devil had gotten ahold of me. I'm everything but a demon. Y'all know me."
