Cause sometimes I remember how we used to be and I want you back so bad and then I remember that we haven't been like that in a long time and I get so mad at you. You're a mystery I can't figure out no matter how hard I try. Maybe I'm just romanticizing things again. I don't know if I ever healed or was just distracted. I'm choosing to believe that this happened for a reason. I don't think everything does—some things just happen and they suck. But there's a reason for this and some day I'll be grateful for it. Our relationship was weird because some days I loved you so much it almost physically hurt and other days I just couldn't stand you to be honest, and I certainly didn't understand you most of the time. I don't know how much of it is your fault and how much is mine. I hate this all or nothing all the time. Feeling super happy or so sad I can barely get out of bed. Eating nothing or so much I get sick. Loving you or hating you. Feeling way too much or nothing at all. It's exhausting. The truth is I think I'm not mentally ready for a relationship and I don't think I ever will be. There's just too much to unpack there. And that's okay I guess. I accepted that a long time ago and if that's how it has to be then that's how it'll be. For now, we trust the process. And breathe. And that's it.
