Psychosis and Dentures

Poisoned

The days leading up to April 7th, the day I decided I needed mental health help.

What precipitated the fear, and woke me up to the gaslighting, was how convincing and how hard he was trying to convince me that nurses in fact do test for all allergies, Including c allergies what a baby is born.

If I didn't know any better, I would have believed him. 

I was frightened. My mind....started to question reality. All the times he told me I was waling too fast, too slow, my face wasn't looking sad enough. The way he would call me my nicknames and full names in one sentence. Was so dizzy making.

When he accused me of poisoning my kids mind against him, because my daughter wanted to go with me. She is a smart child and can sense when someone is unsafe and scary. What 2...going on 3 year old likes being around an angry, explosive parent?

I realized he has poisoned my oldest mind against me. The way he told him not to give me my daughter, when she was three months old. Bringing him in to our arguments and accusing me of the same. The way my son would yell and call me names the way his father did. The glares. Telling me I wasn't being kind enough to the order taking people at the Tim Hortons.

Why would they want to make me question my reality. Tear down my self confidence? make me feel like I wasn't good enough. I felt like I was

NOTHING. My heart was breaking every day. 

My oldest was learning how to manipulate me the way his dad did and was doing.

****I drove to my brothers house. As the days previous I kept asking my self, "Where do I go if the whole world feels unsafe, scary". I immediately thought of my brother. He kept me safe as a child when our parents would argue. Surly he will keep me safe as an adult. I am his little sister. I was right, he helped me emotionally and kept me safe as can be.

I was having panic attacks and rambling all night and day, barely getting enough sleep. I felt like I was still in danger. Losing grip on reality. 

I do believe I was dissociating. 

The moment I felt like I was becoming whole was like a bell that suddenly stopped moving from being rung. All the pieces of me came together. 

I knew I needed to go to the hospital. My ex had no care. If it had not been for my brother, I don't think I would have made it to the hospital. As my ex disagreed that I needed medical help. Even though clearly I was not acting like myself. 

Once getting to the hospital he took our three year old back to my brothers. He left me with our youngest. 

I could hardly sit still. I went to triage and explained that I thought someone poisoned my medications. Little did I know, the only thing that was being poisoned was my mind.

All the negativity that I listened to over the years built up till it spilled over. All the arguments and the clutter and the chaos of home life. The unhappiness, all contributed to my mental health decline. Although, doctors say that the was I was presenting didn't indicate that it was stress related.

Google has answers right ? Dr. google! I searched psychosis and gaslighting. AH HAH!!!

Gaslighting can cause psychosis!