Some Day One Day

2

By the time I got home, I'd used my inhaler so damn much that I nearly choked on it. In my cramped up apartment, I bawled like someone who'd just been told his or her soul was unredeemable for eternity. Everything in my apartment seemed so small, seemed too confined, and seemed too preoccupied with nothing—just like my heart.

Crying wouldn't help me out at the moment, but I didn't know what else to do but cry. I'd been staving the tears for so long that once they started their downpour they were unstoppable.

Hunger clawed at my gut like a cat scraping at a door for entrance. But I ignored the churns and the growls, sitting against the headboard of my bed with my legs hugged up closely to my body.
My mind was yet to get a breather from what happened. All I could hear was his voice, the angst and anger that built it up, and the disgust in his eyes that cemented all of my worst fears.
I knew this was a possibility, and I'd expected not to revel in the outcome, but sometimes what we expect is much more than we bargained for.
It hurt me to the core and there wasn't anything that I could do about it.
Well...except...
Before I could let the thought take form, the ringing of my only phone sounded from my living room. Leaping out from bed as though I was running away from the thoughts that were trying to gun me, I rushed the short distance to the phone and answered it, unaware of who the caller was.
I knew that it could only be one of three people.
"Hello?" I answered, never minding the croaky voice that scotched my throat gave away that I'd been crying.
"Beyonce?"

The sound of my cousin's voice filled me up with both happiness and dread at the same time. I very seldom enjoyed conversing on the phone especially when it came to my cousin. I loved her to death—she'd been my right hand woman since we were both in diapers. The problem was that she talked too much.

We were a cliché pair. I was reputably the more quiet and reserved one, who usually sat back and watched the life of the party. My cousin was the life of the party. She was loud, boisterous, and self confident in herself more than the norm. Her comfort with herself got a little bit grating to others though. But at the end of the day, no matter how much she nagged, she was that one person that you could count on to be there when everyone else failed to come through. While other's smiled in your face just for the sake of it, my cousin smiled because she meant it.
"Hi darling," Angie asked cheerfully, "What are you up to?"
I sighed with both relief and trepidation when I realized that she hadn't caught on to my sulky mood. It was better this way I guess. I wouldn't have to figure out a lie to tell her.
"Nothing," my stomach cried out and I added while rubbing it consolingly, "I was just about to get something to eat."
"Need me to bring you anything?"
"You don't have to." I didn't want her passing through my neighborhood—especially after dark. Though I was still a little bit new to this area, it still didn't have my trust. Anyone with common sense wouldn't trust it either.
The line went silent, the way it always did when she was about to beg me to go back home. When she was about to beg me to let her help me out. But everytime that happened, I fucked up, and my fucking up fucked everybody else who I loved up.
So when she talked of something else other than what we were both thinking, I knew she'd assented to the fact that I couldn't take anyone's help. Not now at least.
But living in such conditions didn't help either. Especially in a place where supply was so abundant that it reeked pungently.
"Well...guess what."
"What?" I asked, thankful that the topic was shifting gears to something positive in the gaily tone of her voice.
"The bride's maid's dress has already been designed!" She sang out excitedly and my fingers tingled nervously.
"Aaw Angie," I crooned, "That's really great. What does it look like?"
"They're this velvety red color. Strapless," her poor explanation stopped abruptly and she squealed, "Oh my gosh! You're going to love it when you come for the fitting."
"Angie I already told you that I'm not doing it." I murmured uncomfortably, occupying the only sofa that stood in my living room.
"Beyonce you said if Janaye bailed out on me you'd step right in. You promised. We've had this argument before."