Some Day One Day

25

"Hey guys. We're back." Angie announced as we walked up to them. Shawn had just straightened from bending over to pick up a large crate of bottled drinks. In doing so, the sinewy muscles of his arms were more pronounced and unable to be ignored by the naked eye. The network of veins indulged with strength rippled beneath the smooth brown skin of his hands, wrists, and forearms. Faint hairs dusted his forearms, screaming at the maleness and growth that had germinated all throughout the four years of my absence.
It was only when Ojay called me that I realized my mouth was salivating hungrily and my heart was racing. I also tried my hardest not to notice the tingling tickling my womb.
"Hmm?" I asked dazedly, my mind still scattered like leaves disrupted by a strong breeze.
"You wanna help out?" he asked, thankfully not seeing me since he was hunkered down by the boxes.
I was still trying to blink my dilated eyes into focus until Shawn answered for me.
"Aye I told you son. Let them be. Stuff is real heavy." Shawn's words immediately snapped me out of my woolgathering reverie.
"Of course I do wanna help." I leaped forward with a preparedness to work. There were crates for days and I started to wonder if Ojay was actually moving his whole house into the clubhouse. It wasn't so much a deserted piece of land where the clubhouse was, but at one point had been a deserted building. Although the inside was already made up, some vital things were still missing. His father had owned it and passed it down to Ojay to do whatever he pleased. As I helped them, I learned through their conversations that Ojay was planning on opening it as a club and would use his birthday party as the introduction to it. It had two stories, which would give him the convenience of using the top floor as the V.I.P section. It always amazed me how the Grandberry family was all about building and creating foundations.
In no time I was assisting Ojay and Shawn hoist a few things into the house. Angie serenely sat on the steps and had the nerve to try and govern us on what to do. All we'd have to do was giver her a stormy look and her mouth would instantaneously close out the sound of her voice.
The guys gave me the lightest, less toilsome things to carry. I would've put up a fight if my exhaustion hadn't returned to me full force. Not only did we have to fill up the first floor, but had to cater to the second floor too. It was well over fifteen minutes of trawling things into the building and I was out of breath and sweating. Breathing heavily, I was making my way down the stairs when I came across Shawn. A nervous, unexpected flare went through me and I found myself clutching onto the stair railing.
"Tired?" I asked him with a shaky smile and he looked up from the box he carried.
"Never." He answered and although perspiration was beginning to form on his face and exposed arms, he didn't give any indications that he was tired.
"You?" he surprised me when he asked.
"Oh I'm fine." I answered in a strained voice from still trying to grasp my breath and the look of incredulity in Shawn's smirk made me blush. I dashed passed him before he could see me actually blushing and made my way to a safer distance away from him up front.
I was doing all I could not to purloin the phone Angie was using to share the town's gossip with a friend and whack it on the side of her head for being so damn lackadaisical. Since I loved her to death, I let it slide.
I joined Ojay where he loitered with one of the few things to carry.
"Sup playa. We almost done?" I asked, planting my hands on my hips as I examined the situation.
"Almost," he looked up from the trunk on the ground and up at the clubhouse, "Man, where's dude? I need help with this so I can keep it moving."
"Oh I met him going up stairs. He had a bunch of stuff."
"Damn. I'm trying to get this done quick," he looked up at the sky and I followed his gaze to see the sun was threatening to retire further, "It's getting dark and I can't believe those idiots aren't back. And damn I'm expecting an important call in a minute that I want to take after all this is done."
"Want me to help?" I offered charitably, making Ojay stare at me with narrowed eyes.
"You can't carry this." He said with that male authority that irked my last nerve.
"Tell me I can't and I will." I told him with a contemptuously lifted chin and Ojay grinned at me, clearly impressed by my attitude. Years ago I wouldn't have even gone as far as to ask him if he needed help.
"Iight then Miss Lady. Let's go."
When we were both trying to pick it up, I began having second thoughts. It was way too heavy for me. I started to wonder what the hell he had inside of it. With all the booze we'd carried into the building, FBI agents would be suspicious of our intentions. He didn't need anymore alcohol if that's what we were taking to the house.
I was just about to tell him that I couldn't afford to carry the weighty object.
"Angie wont you get up off your ass and do something?" I heard Shawn asking from behind me and impulsively held my tongue right when the words were about to drift out. Like the flip of a coin, I knew then that I could no longer admit that the trunk was too heavy for me to carry.
Not especially when he didn't think I was capable.
"W-wait Ojay." I said through strangled breath. Ojay didn't seem to have any problems lifting and carrying the chest, and for that I detested him immensely.
"I think imma have to turn around. This is a bit too uncomfortable for me and it'll be hard if I can't see where I'm going." I hoped I didn't sound like the weakling I felt myself to be. Without giving me a hard time, Ojay simply nodded and waited as I balanced the chest in one hand as I tried to turn around. Upon my turning I nearly faltered when I saw that Shawn was staring at the chest I was holding speculatively. He was probably laughing inside at the way I struggled to carry it.
Flicking a restive tongue over my lips, I looked over my shoulder.
"Okay Ojay I'm ready." I called out to him, ignoring the ringing on his cellphone that had began not too long ago.
"Aye Shawn, you came just in time nigga. I got to take this call right now."
"Huh?" my poor self was still lost in confusion because of the way my mind started to swirl and the way my heart began to race. When I reflexively looked at Shawn, he held the same perplexity that I did. It was as if both of us were foreign to the language Ojay was speaking.
"Hurry man this is real important!" Ojay hissed and without much of a choice Shawn blitzed to his aid.
Before I knew it, Shawn was holding on to the other end of the chest. Now there was no way in heaven or even the burning pits of hell that I would ever admit the chest was making me feel like my hands were about to detach themselves from my body and fall off. For a long time, Shawn and I just stared at Ojay's departing figure as he talked with well-trained professionalism and mastered finesse like we couldn't believe that he'd left us like this alone.
"So what's it gonna be?" I heard from behind me and felt an unnatural shiver course through my veins, thus rendering me weak. I tightened my hold on the trunk.
"What do you mean?" I asked with inborn defensiveness.
"Are you leading the way or what?" Shawn delineated and I felt foolish.
"Oh. Um. Yeah." Came my distracted answer.
Although I appointed myself captain, Shawn ended up doing most of the guiding. We stressed and strived with the box up the first set of stairs leading to the clubhouse. We tried our hardest not to knock into anything or scrape the newly refurbished walls, which made the task more fastidious. Before flying up the next set of stairs, Shawn and I paused to retrieve our lost breaths—me more than he.
"K let's go." He said after only a few seconds and I reacted like I'd been whacked with a whip.
"Wait!"
"For what?"
"Just hold on a second." I stalled, unable to bring myself to say I was actually tired. He'd carried more than I, much heavier stuff than I and he still had the energy to bustle.
Damn him.
"You know what. You might have to turn around. These stairs coming up are kind of steep and it might be hard for you to carry it from behind." Shawn suggested and I rolled my eyes, thankful that he couldn't see me.
"No. I'm good." I told him as I got off leaning sideways on the wall and started for the stairs.
"You sure?" he asked gingerly.
"Positive." I had to push the word through clenched teeth because of the exertion I was using to keep the box lifted. We made it up a few steps but with great umbrage. I was making to take a step when Shawn tipped box suddenly to one side and when I lost my balance, both ended up slamming onto the wall on our left.
"Shawn!"
"Beyonce!"
We said in synonymous frustration.
"What the hell is wrong with you?!" I somehow managed to shout at him even when I was devoid of breath.
"Me? You're supposed to be the leader yet you actin like one of the three motherfucking blind mice." Shawn countered in a strained breath.
"You think it's easy?!"
"Isn't this why I said it might not be easy for you to carry this stuff?"
"Oh well here we go huh? Mr. Know-it-all has struck once again. I knew it was only a matter of time."
"Look Beyonce I promised myself that I would not argue with you anymore so can we just keep going?" Shawn seemed to have blundered and the staircase grew suddenly quiet.
"What does that idiot have in this box anyway?" I asked to placate the situation, making my grip on the chest firmer to ready myself to move again.
"The hell if I know. With those two you can never tell." Shawn grumbled and I couldn't have agreed with him more.
We shifted a little bit more until we were slightly at ease. Very slightly.
"K. You ready?" he asked.
"Always." I told him with finality and we started to stumble up the steps again.
We'd only taken one step when the chest swayed all over to the other side and we crashed onto the opposite wall.
"Fuck Corey for crying out loud!"
"Beyonce what the hell is wrong with you yo!"
We yelped at the same time.
"What the hell does this fucker have in this box." I wailed frustratingly.
"I don't know but imma make sure I whoop his ass with it soon as I find out." Shawn said promisingly and I was somehow able to smile and guffaw.
My sweaty fingers nearly lost their grip on the box and I gasped sharply. Shawn heaved the box forward so that I wouldn't lose touch with it.
"You wanna try my suggestion now?" he asked shrewdly, clearly perturbed.
I clutched my eyes shut in annoyance of my own, knowing that nine times out of ten he would probably be right.
"Fine," I said as I turning slowly, meticulously making heed that my feet wouldn't blindly slip from the step I was currently on, "But...only to keep you from complaining any longer."
Keeping my eyes on the box as if that would keep it in place, my legs became wobbly since the weight of the box had suddenly aggrandized. I felt like I was carrying the full weight of it now as opposed to before.
"Okay. I'm ready. But I think you'll have to do the pushing cause I can't see. You'll have to direct me." I said with my eyes stilled on the box as though I was trying to hypnotize it and still it in that position. When I tried to move, I realized the other party wasn't following.
"Shawn." I called out to him breathily.
When he failed to respond verbally or physically, I fretfully looked up at him. I followed his gaze and when I saw what he saw, my jaw nearly hit the box when it dropped. His eyes were adhered to my chest where my plump breasts rested on the box, nearly spilling from the lackluster bra that I wore that day. That wasn't what had me so bothered though. It was the fact that my nipples were tautly visible through the cheap bra and thinly threaded shirt. They were perky, hard and I'd only noticed they were hurting when I actually paid the attention to them. Hell, they couldn't have been more noticeable had two lazer beams pointed at them, and like projectiles they seemed to scream, 'Look at what you've created! Look at what your sexiness has done to me!'
I let out a little yelp of shock and mortification, faltering terribly and nearly dropping the chest when all my limbs rendered weak from this untimely situation. Shawn's eyes darted up to mine instantly. They were foggy with haze that he quickly blinked away instantly.
"Wait! Beyonce calm down! Chill damn it!" Shawn roared frantically, both juggling the trunk while trying to find our original place.
"Stop looking there then!" I cried out and that's when Shawn finally heaved the box, thus taking away some the weight that I had to carry.
"Well it was all up in my face. What the fuck else was I supposed to do?!" he retorted as if that was the first thing that came to mind. Once again I felt myself crumble at the honesty gracing his voice and made us lose balance once again.
"Chill yo! Okay look, let's just focus on getting to the top right now okay?" His voice was huskier than normal and his eyes were trained to the box now, inches lower from my chest. A rivulet of sweat was trickling from the upper corner of his forehead down to his brow. His entire face was a clean sheen of exertion, and as I noticed that, I realized too that he was blushing.
That was something I hadn't seen him do in four years.
Gulping hard I nodded and I too fixed my eyes on the box. I couldn't look at him any longer.
We were quiet a moment, trying to calm from the chaos we'd both created.
"You ready." He murmured almost inaudibly.
"Yeah." I croaked out.
"Iight. You sure you're okay?" he asked as we prepared to move.
"Yes." I lied. The palms of my hand were being dug into by the sharp corners of the trunk and my arms had to have stretched ten more inches than what they normally were. But the day I admitted that I was nearly caving in would be the same day that I died. My hands would literally have to drop first before I told him that I couldn't handle it.
"Alright then. Just take it slow now okay?" his voice was lighter than usual and instead of making me more comfortable, it set me more off balance because it made me weak to hear him talk like that.
"Beyonce!" he ground out, keeping the trunk in place.
"Sorry. Sorry. Okay. I'm good." I struggled to say and move at the same time as he.
We fussed, cursed amongst ourselves, and tried our best to carry this heavy box. It continued to careen to one side and then the other, but we managed to carry it appropriately now.
By the time we got to the second floor, I was so ready to get rid of the box that I nearly let go of it.
"Hold on!" Shawn said haltingly, "You can't put it here at the entrance. People might run into it and fall."
"They should! With all this hard work we're putting in someone else needs to suffer." I found myself fulminating as we drudged to the far end of the wall and heard a breathy chuckle from beside me.
When we finally set the trunk down, I heaved all my weight against the nearby wall where we'd placed it by. Dipping my head to miss a projecting shelf on the wall that we'd placed the trunk close by, I sat at one corner of the chest, bending over and burying my eyes in the heels of my hands, extreme depletion taking over me.
After I'd restored some breaths, I tilted my head slightly to catch a glimpse of Shawn.
Shawn sat right beside me on the floor with his back against the wall. With one knee propped up, he placed his arm over it and rested his head against the wall. His eyes were closed and he was breathing through the slightly parted lips of his moistened mouth.
Electricity shot through me from my wound up to my spine and to the tips of my breasts. Then as if that wasn't enough, my heart rocketed to my throat. The only light streaming into the evenly dark room were the gold rays filtering from a window built into the roof. It was directed to Shawn's neck, down to his chest and right arm like God had intended it that way. And since he had, I took full advantage of it.
His neck shimmered with sheen of sweat and I curled my fingers when this pressing urge to wipe it off tormented me. With this abstract lighting, I saw the muscles contracting on his neck and collarbone as he breathed. The rising and falling of his chest as he tried to gain his respite is what pulled my eyes lower. Even beneath the thin material of his white wifebeater, I could still acknowledge the fact that his chest was broader and firmer looking than I remembered. The right arm of his, which was directly hit with a beam of the sunlight, glistened with sweat, and from my angle I could only see the first three letters of the calligraphy inked onto his arm. They started with the inscription of three letters 'Mar'. Beneath it I could only see half a face and raven hair lustrously demonstrated.
My eyes trickled down to his torso where the hem of his shirt harbored. Then I paused further down where I knew his sex was concealed his clothing and gulped my constricting throat with difficulty. I had this sudden need to just...
Damn it Beyonce stop behaving like some sex crazed, deprived maiden and act like a woman who has some damn respect for herself! I scolded myself and upon sitting up, looked at Shawn's face cautiously in hopes that he hadn't seen me staring. I would've fallen off the trunk if what I saw hadn't frozen into place. Shawn's smoky, lust-filled eyes were gliding ever so slowly along my dewy legs, where the sun was coincidently hitting making the display loud. His lust-filled eyes moved unhurriedly, like a car carefully cruising sleekly along a road of sleet, afraid that if they drove too fast, they'd lose control and slip.
My heart shot up to my throat again at the way he was looking at me and I slipped into vertigo as I watched him. His eyes appeared hypnotized as they roved up to my hip and stayed there. I nearly flinched because I thought he would shift to my face, but he didn't. Instead, like being pulled by a magnet, his eyes returned to my legs. I began to feel hot. Terribly hot...
And I liked it.
Although his face was more than pleasing, I couldn't help but traverse back to the chest that looked so tempting to the touch. Just as I moved up to linger on his neck, Shawn's hand came over the hem of his shirt and he lifted it. All the alarms of the erogenous parts of my body were screaming out and I looked at him to see if he was doing it on purpose, but his eyes were still on my legs as he brought the wifebeater up to mop his forehead. I sighed with relief.
Like a little child who knows they shouldn't look at those 'bad' things Mummy and Daddy tell them not to watch, I became more compelled to look when my mind told me not to and drifted to his temporarily naked torso. It was lean, and the masculinity of it was out of this world. Shawn had always had an athletic build because unlike most people he had no choice. It was immensely mandatory for him to work out due to health reasons. And damn if it hadn't paid off I don't know what had. His stomach was firm with the prime contoured muscles that many men envied and died for, and that legions of women loved and died for. I shifted further down to his belly button that was surrounded by faint hairs. My breath picked up when I followed the fine, satiny trail of hair and watched dismally as it unfairly disappeared to his boxers where the rest of him lay as a mystery beneath.
A strong surge so strong tore through me that I shivered. I bit my lip to prevent me from mumbling the word that would shame the Church when it haplessly tried to barrel out of my mouth. Incautiously, I crossed one leg over the other when a slow fire began at the center of my abdomen. My hands were on the edges of the chest clinging onto dear life because they ached, they ached so badly in need of contact with him and only him.
For a long time, the only sound was our breaths...and both of them were not so quiet anymore. It's almost as though we'd just come from picking another heavier trunk.
As if on cue Shawn and I leisurely met each other's eyes at the same time, nearly jumping out of our skin when we did.
I tried to look away but I couldn't because he was supposed to look away first but he didn't!
He licked his lips hastily and though his intention wasn't to tease, it's effect on me had me doing all I could to sustain a groan. I couldn't stop the palpitating in between my legs though.
His eyes finally left mine and drifted around my face.
"I-I never thought you'd cut your hair." He spoke like something was wedged in his throat, his voice intensely gravelly, making the burn in between my legs more flagrant. My toes curled and I wished I wasn't wearing flip-flops. As if caught off guard, I answered the first thing that came to mind since my nerves were frazzled and my composure had deserted me.
"I never thought you'd have a son." My words tumbled out with a touch of rancor that I'd been feeling for the past few days.
Shawn snapped his eyes at me in shock. Damn, as if I couldn't have done more to ruin moments for nearly everyone I knew in my life.
"I-I mean-I do think you'd have a son. I always thought you'd have a son" nervously, I licked my lips and when Shawn paid homage to that with his eyes, I lost my train of thought and began grappling for words, "I just never thought—You know what I mean."
Shawn stared at me for a while, his eyes intense, and his brows drawn together thoughtfully.
"No I don't," he finally said, "So tell me."
Our eyes dueled for a while. I hated the way he backed me up into a corner until I couldn't take it anymore.
"Nevermind." I said under my breath as I turned away from him.
The room grew uncomfortably quiet. Neither of us said a word. Our breaths were no longer audible for the world to hear.
"He's not my son." Shawn suddenly said. The amount of relief that gushed into me was so intense that I became dizzy. I snapped my head around to him in shock.
Our eyes held for a while, and by the way Shawn surveyed me, I knew he was studying my reaction, so I lowered my eyes so that he couldn't see the overflowing relief that I felt.
"Oh." Was all I was able to say. What I truly wanted to do was bounce off of the walls and rejoice. Then I reminded myself that there was no reason for me to calm down. Hell would have to freeze over before Shawn ever gave me a second chance, so that thought calmed me down into reality.
When the room resorted to silence once again, I looked at Shawn who now had both legs propped up, his arms loosely looped over them. He was pensively looking at his watch as he rotated it idly over his wrist with his other hand.
"Why'd he call you daddy?" I couldn't help but ask, and my voice quaked as I did. I knew that I was stepping on eggshells now. For all I knew, he might slip into the Shawn I'd been dealing with for the past month or so and this almost comfortable space we'd found might be lost forever.
But I felt like I had to know. Like I needed to know.
Shawn turned and looked at me for a little bit and when he turned away once again, I got the impression he didn't want to talk about it. So with slumping shoulders, I sighed and looked at the hem of my shorts, picking idly at them and trying to ignore the depression I began to feel for ruining what could've been an almost normal relationship with Shawn.
"Because he still thinks I'm his father."
I heard Shawn say, turned and stared down at him.
"I thought he was my son up until a few months ago."
My mouth dropped but no sound came out. A few months ago?
"Damn Shawn. I truly thought he was yours." I said and he looked at me with a faint, easy smirk.
"Beyonce don't you think you would've seen him with me more often if he was mine?"
I blushed, "Sorry."
Still gazing straight ahead, his dark eyes reaching sightlessly to the partially darkened and lightened room, Shawn began to speak.
"Wh-what happened?" I finally found my voice.
Shawn said nothing, and made no moves to say anything.
"You don't have to tell me." I told him.
"I know." He replied. Although his face was hard to read, his voice signified that the topic would no longer be talked of.
Biting my lip, I turned the other way, regretting the elation I'd felt for him not being the father. It was clear that the situation, whatever it was, still bothered him greatly. My heart went out to him, especially when he said he thought it was his. It was evident that heartbreak must have been involved.
"I was having my second thoughts but that wasn't the main reason though."
His words shocked me.
"It wasn't."
Shawn shook his head without hesitance.
"I didn't know the boy wasn't mine though until recently." Shawn said deeply, quietly.
"Didn't you think of getting a paternity test?"
Shawn's laugh was short and mirthless.
"I know I should have, but Kellaine confessed to me that the child could possibly be mine only a couple of days before she went into labor. She said she didn't want or need anything from me and said I probably wanted nothing to do with the child but she was wrong. I was mad that she'd been walking around pregnant right in front of me and I was sitting there not caring, thinking it had nothing to do with me. Why, I don't know. Maybe because she never mentioned it or made any mention of it. But I was still there with her when she went into labor. Soon as I saw the birth of the child taking place, time stopped and so did logical thoughts," Shawn's smile was wry as he stared ahead of him and chuckled softly, "Man. When I held that little boy in my arms?" he shook his head with a smile so prideful I wondered if it was the same one he wore when looking at his son, "I didn't even think about nothin' else. Common sense seemed to have slipped my mind the moment I saw him and I knew then that I didn't let go because I hadn't felt that sense of joy since..."
Shawn's voice tapered off and he suddenly bit his lip. I started to feel pain in the center of my chest. My gut told me that he meant since me.
"So when was this that you and Kellaine met?"
"I'd met her earlier in my freshman year but only truly started talking to her in my junior year. Which was basically my senior year since I finished in three years anyway."
"Whoa, hold up, hold up. You finished college in three years?! What the fuck?! Excuse my language but damn."
Shawn laughed softly, "It's straight. Everyone reacts the same way when I tell them."
"Damn Shawn. Did you even have any free time? What did you do for fun?" I asked.
Shawn tilted his head to me with a funny looking smile, "...Fun?"
I felt myself blush, wondering if I'd said the wrong thing and shrugged lightly.
He shook his head, resuming his fetal position of staring straight ahead of him. He made short barking laugh, "Fun? There was no time to have fun yo. To keep the scholarship that I had I had to maintain a . Shit, there was no time for fun. And I hated that I was still behind the way I used to be in highschool. So I went on continuously with no breaks. Summer school, the whole nine."
"Wow..." I gaped in amazement. The room became quiet once again.
"So you met her in college?" I asked him next and he nodded.
"Ya'll must have been real close..."jealousy tugged at my heart as I said the words.
Shawn snorted, "I wouldn't say that. We were just friends."
"With benefits." I added purblindly and Shawn looked at me. I was glad to see that there was no heat to his eyes, just a trifle amusement. He smirked and shrugged as he turned away.
"If that's how you want to look at it then yeah. But it had only happened once though." He said negligently. By 'it' I knew he meant the 'benefit' side of their relationship. I staved away the relief that tried to make its way into my heart. Now wasn't the time to be relieved.
"So Gerald wasn't planned?" my question brought Shawn's his eyes to mine.
"How you know his name?"
I ducked my head timidly with a smile just as coy, "I heard Kellaine say it."
Shawn nodded, "Yeah. Well he wasn't really mine so of course he wasn't planned..."
He was trying to mask the pain, but I'd trained my ears well when it came to Shawn. I could tell when he was hurting.
"Damn Shawn. How can you remain friends with a girl who whores around like that? She was sleeping with you while being with someone else?"
Shawn laughed, "She doesn't whore around. Kellaine was a friend of mine. She'd tried to befriend me for years but I hadn't cared up until last minute because I was tired of not caring. We were both going through tough times. I was in my last year and the classes I had were less restricting since I'd set up my schedule so that I could take all the difficult ones first. I just needed a little release, a little relaxation for once you know?" he looked at me as if asking for understanding and when I nodded, he turned away, "She'd just broken up with her long time boyfriend and she was depressed. I don't know what the hell I was depressed about but we both ended up in the same place. With a couple of beers...well you do the math."
"Damn Shawn. So...how did you find out?" the questions started to stream out of me naturally as did Shawn's answers.
"After a while Kellaine and I lived together, but we weren't really together. We tried but it just didn't work. The only connection we had with each other was that child. But a little while before that, while I was still in my last year of school, I'd just dipped my head into Mr. Grandberry's business. So I started to see the cash flowing and that's when Kellaine and I decided to get a new apartment together."
Shawn became quiet. His thumb was digging into the center of his the palm to his other hand. His face looked like it had been transported into another time.
"At that point, I didn't care about anything else for a while except for that little boy and the job. Kellaine was living her own life too, so the only time we ever truly interacted was in regards to that son. What I got to admit I liked about Kellaine though was that she never asked me for anything, no money...nothin'. The only reason why she moved in with me was because I told her we'd be making it easier on the baby, if not her. But a year and some months into it, she started acting funny. She'd bring home another niggas to my spot when I wasn't there, bustin' my ass working and I just didn't appreciate that shit around my son. So when the arguments started, she'd say things that started to lead me to believe that I wasn't the child's father. Ojay, who had never liked her from the beginning, continuously warned me. He kept on telling me to take a paternity test.
"I knew that I had to, but I didn't want to. I'd grown to love that boy like he was my own. There were times when I'd be holding him and I just knew that he wasn't mine, but aye like you know that saying, what you don't know won't hurt you? I kept thinking that way. I didn't want to know the truth.
"Then her ex started coming around. He wanted to claim his son as his again, but what fucking right did he have? Nigga dipped out on Kellaine without caring. Shit, up to this day I don't think that motherfucker has any right to be in the boy's life. And how was some nigga going to come and tell me I wasn't fit? Me? The one who'd been there for him since day one?" Shawn shook his head, "Nah, at that point that little boy was the only thing that I had. It even got to a point where I didn't even care about the success I was gaining in Mr. Grandberry's firm. I'd lost everything, and for a long time, that little boy was the only thing I had in my life." 
"Especially since Marissa and Jude weren't there too huh?" I asked him with melancholy.
"Exactly." He said emphatically and my heart plummeted to my feet.
"Damn Shawn," I muttered distressfully, "You truly don't deserve that."
Shawn cut his eyes at me and I chewed on my tongue as I looked away. I was the last person who had a right to say that.
"So...you say you only found out a few months ago?" I asked to cool the boiling tension.
"The week before you came back."
"Huh?" My heart skipped three beats.
"We got the results a week before you came back."
I started to wonder...had this been the reason Ojay was so difficult about giving me the information I needed to see Shawn? I'd begged and pleaded for weeks. Had he finally broken down because Shawn found out the kid wasn't his? Did he do it to save Shawn the heartache, knowing that my presence would only cause more havoc on him? Did he do it because he'd known as much as I still loved him, it would break my heart to see him with a kid?
That must've explained why in those weeks prior when I was asking Ojay about Shawn, he continuously reminded me that he did not want me to ruin Shawn's life when I returned.
It was all so shocking that I couldn't say anything for a long time. Then as if realizing that he gave off the impression of too much emotion, Shawn turned the tables and started asking me questions.
"So Beyonce. Fill me in. What's been good with you these past four years?"
His question yanked me into the immediacy of the situation.
"Oh um. Nothing much really." I answered briskly.
"Yeah iight," Shawn dismissed me disbelievingly, "Marriage and a large wetting are nothing much."
"It wasn't that large." I defended self-cautiously.
"Spending over ninety thousand isn't large?"
Shocked that he knew this, I stared at him and he shrugged.
"Angie talks a lot." Was his prompt logic.
Shawn's eyes cohered onto mine and I knew that he was still awaiting an explanation as to what had happened to me all those years. Swallowing hard, I composed myself and began reluctantly.
"Well...my parents moved me to Nevada immediately after..." I looked at him shortly and his slow nod gave me heed to continue without spelling out what he and I were both still uncomfortable about approaching, "...and, we stayed at my uncle's place from my Dad's side. Immediately after we got there, we started preparing for a wedding and in six months I was married."
"To Lee."
"Mhmm," I hummed with a nod, "Everything happened so fast. I think my parents were doing it, going out of their way so that I wouldn't be as depressed as I initially felt."
"Depressed?"
I looked at him to find his brows slightly raised. 
"Yes. I didn't want to be there. I truly didn't want to get married to Lee but I did anyway because I'd given up on a lot. It just didn't matter to me what happened in my life from that point on." As I said the words, I refused to look at him because I knew he wouldn't believe me. My heart was beating erratically though as the nervousness of what harsh words he would strike at me.
"What do you mean you didn't want to get married to Lee. You said you loved him the night you left..." Shawn's voice was low, a little bit mysterious in suspicion. Gulping hard I breathed deeply, continuously staring ahead of me.
"I do love Lee," I said haltingly at first, "But it's just not the type of love that a married couple should have."
"So you left him."
"Yes."
Shawn snickered, "Soon as you get tired of something you leave it."
I was expecting that. Biting my lip, I stayed quiet.
"What was the marriage like if you didn't want to live with him?"
From then onwards I was far too reluctant to speak.
"Look, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have snapped at you like that iight. I didn't mean to. It just happens. You don't have to answer me. It's none of my business anyway." Shawn murmured quietly.
"It wasn't a marriage." I answered him suddenly.
"Huh?" he asked confusedly.
"It wasn't a marriage. In a marriage, two people are supposed to work together. They're supposed to be a team. They're supposed to argue, laugh, make love, cry...it wasn't like that with Lee. Lee and I were the same way we were before we got married. We loved each other as friends...just friends."
"With benefits?" Shawn asked and I looked down at his shrewd, somewhat sad smirk and smiled wanly at him.
"Now that part is none of your business."
"Iight iight. I know my place. What else did you do with your life in that period?"
I began to get forlorn. I couldn't tell him about the half where I became a druggie who couldn't handle life's tribulations. We weren't on that much of comfortable blinds.
"Apart from that? College. Really that's all I would do. He'd go to school and work. I'd simply go to college and come home...be the housewife."
Shawn simply laughed quietly.
"No kids huh?" he asked me out of the blue.
"Huh?"
"Ya'll obviously had no kids that's what I'm sayin'."
"Oh, no." I shook my head without the least bit of regret, "I don't think he truly wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. He had someone else in mind the entire time."
I felt Shawn's eyes on me and when I looked at him I confirmed that he was looking at me like I'd lost my mind.
"Lee was gay. Well, is gay."
"...Holy motherfucker..." he said in awe and I burst out laughing.
"Damn my bad yo. Ain' meant to say it like that. But damn what the fuck?"
"It's okay. Everyone reacts like that when I tell them." I mimicked his earlier words and smiled at him.
"Ol' dude was gay?" he was still in shock and I laughed lightly.
"I'm surprised Angie didn't tell you this. I swear those two are so weird. Just like some people have selective hearing, they have selective gossiping. But yes, Lee is gay."
"That's some crazy shit right there. You look so okay with it." He said, assessing me.
"I kind of figured it out after a while, but I didn't care enough to say anything about it."
"You didn't care?"
I shook my head sincerely.
"What the hell? Iight so tell me this. You know your dude is gay yet you're still sleeping with him? Don't you know all the diseases that's going around and shit? Shit, you just as crazy as he is."
Peals of laughter left me.
"Sleeping with him? I said Lee and I were just friends right? Bu that's all I'm going to say. It's none of your business remember?"
Shawn and I stared at each other, him smiling faintly and me grinning mischievously. Then, the light in his eyes started to diffuse slowly and he bit his lip, marring the smile into nonexistence.
We both turned away from each other at the same time. It was quiet a moment before Shawn spoke.
"You know you called me Corey right?" Shawn asked suddenly and when I looked at him he was smirking while staring at his wrist as he habitually twirled his watch.
"Did not!" I said defensively, wondering what we were talking about. Nonetheless, my cheeks began to get hot, fiercely hot.
At my denial, Shawn nodded.
"Yeah. You did. When we were carrying the box. You called me Corey."
My mouth went dry before dropping. When Shawn lolled his head to look up at me, I turned away from him in mortification. I hadn't even realized I'd done it, and if that wasn't embarrassing I don't know what was. I used that name with Shawn whenever we got into a heated argument where I'd do all the screaming and he'd just sit there and act like I was one with the air. The other times I screamed out that name...well...
"I-I must have Alzheimer's like Ojay because I don't remember—Ah!" I was interrupted by a thrashing sound coming from the trunk. I got so scared that I jumped up and sprung up and flew to the other side of the room.
"What's wrong with you?" Shawn asked me.
"Man Shawn I swear there is something in that box!" I said fearfully, pointing at it.
"Okay..." he said as if he didn't know what I was getting at.
"Open it!" I instructed.
Shawn stared at me for a while, his lips lifting into a lopsided, sly grin, "Some things don't change huh? Still a scaredy cat..."
The thumbing sounded again and this time Shawn looked at the box too.
"You hear that shit? See? I'm not crazy."
"But you are a scardy cat."
"Shawn." I beseeched in a whiney tone.
"Fine. Damn." Shawn capitulated and stood, bending over the box to unfasten it from its lock.
The moment Shawn opened it, a furry ball pounced from it. Catching both Shawn and I off guard, I sprang backwards while he straightened his spine, not seeing the shelf above his head which he hit hard. Holding the back of his head and rubbing it, Shawn sibilated each and every curse word in the book.
I bit my lip at first, but then I couldn't help but burst out into peals of laughter. When Shawn looked at me like he was surprised I'd actually laugh at him, my hand came over my mouth but my shoulders still shook with laughter.
"Yeah...yeah just laugh..." he said, continuously rubbing the back of his head and I unmasked my mouth to do as he said since I couldn't help it. When he paused and looked at me in shock, but with a faint smirk on his face, I laughed harder.
"I'm so-sorry." I jumped when I felt a tickling sensation on my legs and looked down to find Angie's once stray puppy standing beside me while looking up at Shawn, wagging its tail craftily. It then barked the faintest of barks. It was barely audible and that's probably why we hadn't even heard it over our harsh rugged breathing. When it barked again, Shawn scowled at it, still rubbing his head.
"You call that a bark? Fuck you man...or bitch or whever the hell your name is."
"Shawn!" I told him laughingly, crouched to scoop up Diamond and held her close to my chest.
"Aye ya'll need to come back down we got more things to carry!" We heard Ojay's voice suddenly yell in the distance.
"Yeah. Hurry up!" Angie had the nerve to give her input and both Shawn and I shared a look before shaking our heads.
"Stupid motherfucker."
"Dumbass whore."
We said at the same time and when we looked at each other Shawn simply smirked and while I laughed, still unable to believe that we were being so lighthearted with each other.
It was like a dream.
"Forreal though. I'm really getting tired of those motherfuckers." He breathed, sitting on one corner of the trunk.
"Who you tellin'? Always telling us what to do." I said while stroking the back of Diamond's ears lovingly. A sudden thought crossed through my mind.
"Hey you know—"
"Yo I just thought—"
We said at the same time and stopped at the same time.
"You go first." We said again at the same time.
"No you go." I offered hastily.
Shawn eyed my chest but this time I knew he was only looking at Diamond.
"You know I don't know why I just thought that fool put Diamond in a box purposely." He observed.
My mouth dropped, "I was just about to say that!"
Shawn laughed, "He can't be that crazy though."
"This is Angie and Ojay we're talking about. What do you expect?" the question didn't seem too far off considering Ojay and Angie.
"Aye where are ya'll? It's dark now man!" Ojay bellowed.
"Shut up fool." Shawn shot back as he stood up, this time slowly as he looked above him. It made me laugh and when he looked at me with a sheepish smile, my heart leaped.
"Hey wait." I stopped him, looking around the room for any doors.
"Sup?"
"Do yo know if there's a bathroom somewhere around here?" I asked.
"There must be. Lemme check."
Both Shawn and I looked around until I found it.
"Thanks," I told him, handing Diamond to him. When all he did was scowl at me, I tilted my head, "I can't go to the bathroom with her Shawn."
"Both of ya'll are girls though..." he said, eying the dog strangely.
"Shawn!"
"Fine." he took the dog away from me, holding it with one hand with unimportance. The view was enough to make me laugh and all Shawn did was suck his teeth and roll his eyes as he looked away.
"You'll be iight. She ain' gonna hurt you..." my words ended up sounding more intimate than I would have liked, but Shawn didn't seem to have picked it up.
"Whateva yo. Hurry up" Shawn said as he shifted and I couldn't help but laugh at the way he held the dog. It's not that he hated pets. He just loved the bigger ones. I remember he was there with me when we saw Ojay give the puppy to Angie. He'd said suck dogs were for girls not men.
"You don't have to wait for me you know." I told him as I made my way through the door.
"I know." he said with a nod.
After finishing my business in the bathroom, I came out to find nothing but a dark room with some blue lighting. I hadn't even noticed Shawn and I had been here this long. Thinking that he was no longer there with us, I started going for the staircase when Shawn's voice nearly made me scream out in shock.
I whipped around to find his dark figure sitting on a small set of stairs with a door behind him. My heart warmed. He'd actually waited for me. His legs were parted and Diamond was a few steps down from where he was. He was rubbing the dogs tummy and the dog looked sedate that it didn't want anyone else in the world to take its place. Don't worry Diamond, I found myself thinking, I know how it feels to have his hands on you like that. The sight was so funny to me because Shawn's expression was blank while the dog was intrigued, its paws curling and its tongue hanging out of its mouth as it slipped into bliss fro the petting.
"Stop scaring me." I hissed at him, making my way over to them.
"You ready?" Shawn asked, picking up the dog the impersonal way he did before while surging to his feet.
"Yes." I met him at the bottom step, taking Diamond from him. It let out a wailing sound that said it didn't want to leave his presence.
"Iight lets go." Shawn brushed passed me, giving me room to visualize the door behind him again.
"Where does that door lead?" I asked him because the door's make up was so unusual.
Shawn looked over his shoulder and shrugged apathetically, "I don't know. I think the roof or something."
I looked at the door one last time before turning and going while hugging Diamond close to me.
I followed close behind Shawn on the trip down the stairs, feeling so wonderfully happy that I couldn't contain myself. Had we just talked for that length of time? Had we just taken a step forward? Were Shawn and I smiling, laughing and joking?
Who would've thought? I never thought I'd see the day.
Once we got to the bottom, it was to find Ojay and Angie in the first floor. Though Ojay was busy sweeping from one corner to the next, Angie looked at us and smiled. But when she zeroed in on what was in my hands, she leaped up from her seat and screamed at the top of her lungs, centering everyone's attention on hers, including Ojay's. This was one of the times when he knew that the screams were those he had to react alertly to.
"Damn Angie if you can't be any louder." Shawn griped as he breezed passed her.
"Diamond!" Angie scuttled over to me and with great care took the terrier from my arms. It was just as happy to see her as she was to see it.
"Where did you find him?" Ojay asked and he looked so clearly innocent that I started laughing. I started to realize that my laughter was accompanied with a couple of scoffs. Shawn clasped his hand hard over his friend's nape.
"Give it up dawg. We already know what you tried to do." He told him, shaking his head dismally. I couldn't stop laughing harder.
"What?" Ojay asked, still completely in the dark.
"Diamond was in one of the boxes Angie." I tattled on Ojay and she gasped theatrically before whipping around to him.
"You!" she started charging for him with an exultant Diamond in her arms. Ojay started backing up.
"What? Baby you gotto believe me. I didn't do shit to that dog! You think I'd stoop that low? I'm telling you, that bitch has it out for me why would I put it in a box—"
Ojay cut himself off when the back of his legs struck the arms of a chair and he went falling down onto it with Angie not wasting time to hover him.
"Both of them need to be locked up forreal." Shawn said.
I couldn't remember the last time I'd laughed this hard. I could hardly remember the last time I'd been so happy. I never thought I'd be this way especially with Shawn standing right beside me.
And I knew why things were this way...because we were ignoring the situation.
It was almost like we chose to ignore the situation simply because we didn't want any bad blood between us. At least not for a while. Just for one day, we all wanted to be at ease whether it was temporary or not.
Eventually, Shawn and I left Ojay and Angie arguing with each other to bring in everything else to the house.
In a matter of minutes, I left Shawn outside talking to Ojay when he'd finally come out and went into the house. I came across Angie and by the way she moved speedily I knew that she was still on Ojay's case.
Once I got back inside, I looked around the cozily furnished room. Although it was originally meant for partying, the long sofas along various corners gave it a laid-back aura that I'm sure people who didn't want to dance or got too tired from it would find them very useful. Finding them very useful now, I threw myself on a couch and lay on my side. I then started contemplating how in heaven's I'd get home and what I'd do with my car. Upon my absence upstairs with Shawn, I'd been told Ojay's brother and his friend had brought the car back and left in his friends car.
Both Ojay and Angie had an important dinner to go to at his father's place, that's why he'd been in such a rush. Other than that, I didn't know how I was going to get home, but to my surprise...I wasn't even worried about it.
All I could do was still marvel over the fact that Shawn and I had actually talked...like human beings! We'd talked with but a strand of harsh words and hurtful comments. We'd talked.
Shawn and I had talked.
And it had felt good. My damn, talking to Shawn had felt so much better.
I still kept asking myself, is it a dream? Was this one of the many dreams I'd had just to fill up the hours from being away?
My daydream was cut short when I heard someone come into the room. Lifting my head a little, I saw that it was Shawn coming in through the entrance, Ojay still standing at the entrance with his phone to his ear. Shawn was twisting open a bottle of water and my hands latched onto his hands and the strong way they did their work.
Damn. I'd never seen anyone with such nice hands. He walked across me out of my line of vision and I heard him sit behind me.
Completely aware of his presence, I closed my eyes, willing my heart to stop beating the way that it did.
"Whew!" I was suddenly springing on the luxurious couch, my eyelids flying open to look down on my feet to find Angie sitting on the other end with Diamond snuggled in her arms, "Man! That was soooo exhausting. I've never been so tired. My feet are killing me. Damn!"
"You serious?" Shawn voiced his thoughts before I could. Hell, I didn't even want to talk. I wanted to just wrap my fingers around her neck and squeeze real tightly.
"Please say that again," Shawn asked in a playfully admonishing tone, "Say exactly what you just said. Say it with the same words. Please try using the same exact tone so that I know I haven't lost my damn mind."
"No Shawn you haven't lost your mind. Angie you didn't do shit," I fulminated, resting supinely on the couch now. Closing my eyes, I intertwined my fingers over my diaphragm, "Don't' ever say that again in my presence."
"What?" Angie asked reproachfully.
"My arms hurt like hell. My legs were about to give out two hours ago." When I realized that I wasn't getting any back up from Shawn and when I saw where his eyes were directed, I followed his gaze and when I saw the view he was getting I cut my eyes at him.
"And I was visually molested all night." I said playfully, waiting to see a reaction from Shawn. His eyes never left my chest, and I got the impression that he wasn't listening. But when he started frown and spoke, I was beyond shocked.
"By who?" he asked, his eyes pinned to my breasts at it galled me so much that I wasn't even offended or nervous. I found it a little bit funny.
Gaping, I turned to Angie to see if she saw what I was looking at and when I saw the small, crooked smile on my face as she petted her now dormant dog, I knew that she knew. Both Angie and I switched our gaze back to Shawn and it had to have been three more seconds before he snapped out of it and when he looked at us he was clearly taken aback and embarrassed.
"Shut up yo."Shawn murmured as he sucked his teeth as he stood up and walked out of the room, leaving Angie and I laughing.
For some reason I felt flattered...and immensely happy.
In a matter of minutes, upon Ojay's rushing us, we were all standing outside in the night air making preparations to leave. Angie and Ojay were in such a hurry to go that I started getting nervous, wondering if I'd be stranded here on my own. Shawn was standing quietly, waiting for us to leave so that he could go. I felt for him.
Sighing heavily, I pulled my phone out of my shorts pockets.
"Damn it Ojay we forgot something." Angie told Ojay who was removing his keys from his pockets.
"What?"
"Angie doesn't have a ride."
"What?" I could see that he was clearly irritated because he had places to be, "Oh yeah I remember. Your car. Damn."
"No Ojay. It's fine. You can just drop me by the nearest bus stop. I'll be good from there."
"Nah don't be stupid. I'll take you." Shawn said casually and when I looked at him his face was as neutral as his words. My heart skipped a thousand beats.
"Really?" I asked him as if he hadn't just asked me what he just did.
"Yeah."
"You don't mind? I can pay for gas—"
"It's cool Beyonce. Let's go," he nodded towards Angie and Ojay, "These niggas are itching to leave."
"Okay." I consented softly. We all said bye to Angie and Ojay and started walking to Shawn's car.
The walk to his car was silent, but not comfortably so. It's like we were both wrapped up in thoughts of our own. I then started to get nervous for some reason. Even though this evening had been so great, it had felt so unreal. Nothing in reality happened that way to me anymore.
Then I told myself to stop loathing over myself and get over it.
"What did you say was wrong with your car?" Shawn's voice made me jump slightly out of my contemplations.
"Um. It wouldn't start. I don't know why. The guage started acting up." I explained to him, the butterflies in my stomach flapping.
"I'll stop by tomorrow and check it out." He said detachedly and even then, my stomach still clenched.
"Shawn can I ask you something?" I asked him quietly as we walked, the sound of our footsteps the only true loudness around us along with the rustling of the wind as the spring air blew.
"I guess." Shawn responded.
I braced myself before I asked, "Why are you being so nice to me all of a sudden?"
Maybe I shouldn't have asked, but I couldn't deny that I was confused.
"Would you rather I treat you differently?" Shawn asked and I brought my eyes up to his to find that he too was looking at me.
Before I could answer him, Shawn had swiftly turned away. I too turned away, feeling my heart vault once again.
He walked over to the driver's seat and opened the car door and I stopped in my tracks from the way that he stared at him, his eyes direct and intense, thoughtful and...with something inscrutable to me.
"What?" I asked him self cautiously.
Shawn made no moves to answer and I felt nervousness gush all the way through my body. He was chewing his inner lip the way he did whenever he was so deep in thought.
"I don't understand how something so beautiful could turn out so..." his voice tapered off and my heart skidded into a halt.
"So what?" I asked haltingly, my voice so short of a whisper that the only way Shawn could've heard me would've been by reading my lips.
Our eyes locked and held, reaching out to each other across the dark night.
Then, the thoughtfulness drifted from Shawn's face and he shook his head. At that moment I knew the topic was closed and that I would probably never hear the finishing lines of his sentence.
"Nothing. Nothing. Nevermind." He murmured, opening the car door for me, walking to his side, and getting into the driver's seat.