Some Day One Day

50.0

It didn't occur to me how much I'd neglected my extended family and some old friends until I was seated in the reception. Ever since my parent's funeral, I'd shut everyone out of my life, viewing life itself as pointless. The only relatives who truly knew of my addiction were Angie's parents along with Ojay's. To my fortune they had been nothing but supportive, encouraging me to press on. There were times they'd slipped me some money until one time when I relapsed using their money for the wrong thing. That's when they completely stopped and when I saw how heartbroken Angie was and the toll it had taken on her, I used that as my guiding light to help me out of the dark tunnel I'd fallen into.
Now as I sat on one of the many tables sprawled throughout the manicured lawn, I sipped meagerly at some champagne. It was openly obvious that I'd distanced myself from everyone, sitting on a table that nobody else harbored. I'd endured some inordinate questions from my grandmother from my father's side when I'd sat up there at the main table beside Angie. She tried to be real stealth about it but she hadn't stayed on my case too long because it was Angie's night and thankfully she was naturally the center of attention.
When Angie and Ojay, along with everyone else had gone to dance on the large wooden planks placed on the outdoors to imitate a dancefloor, I'd moved to a quieter table in the corner so that no one would find me. Ojay's brother O'Ryan seemed fond of Marissa so he kept her company and I didn't have to worry about being there with her. That didn't mean she wasn't partially upset. She'd let me know earlier how she longed for Dreux to be here, and had even asked for my cellphone a time or two. Despondent cause I didn't have it with me she had asked to go in search of a phone in the mansion when I told her to relax a little bit and try to have fun despite Dreux not being around.
Alhtough she said she had listened an hour later I had found her in the Grandberry's enormous kitchen, her shoulders rigid as she spoke into the phone.
'I miss you Dreux' she had said fervently, making me stop dead in my tracks.
'I wish you could come. It wont be fun if you not here yah know...When can I see you again?' she had asked.
When she had noticed I was there she had hurriedly told Dreux bye regretfully and guiltily lowered her head in shame at me after she had hung up. Laughing softly at her girlish ways I had coaxed her back outdoors where O'Ryan was eagerly waiting to cheer her up.
Now as I watched Angie and Ojay acting a fool on the dance floor like the clowns they were, I smiled at them from a far, took another small sip of the champagne that made me warm and fuzzy inside, and admired them some more. Seated under one of the large tents where all the tables were set along with the buffet, I mingled with the champagne bottle and glass on the table
"You wanna know something? I remember this girl who'd once told me to stop making my ass and a chair bestfriends when everyone else was out there having a good time."
Turning around in surprise, I looked at Shawn, nearly melting helplessly before him. he looked so good I wanted to just jump on him and eat him all up. My heart flipped twice and a shiver went through me when I remembered all that fine specimen inside of me and blushed against my own will. Picking up my glass, I took a huge sip to calm me down.
"Girl what is wrong with you?" I heard him say as he took a seat beside me. No, don't! I found myself pleading. Goodness why was I acting like I was experiencing a crush all over again?
Even if I didn't look at Shawn, the delicious smell of his cologne struck it to me that he was here to stay and wasn't about to go anywhere.
Turning to him, I nearly swooned at how good he looked. Those had been my exact actions when I had seen him arrive for the first time since a week ago. The black suite he wore was tailored to perfection, fitting him like God and his angels had made it especially for him. The bowtie he'd had to ware hang around with a reckless attractiveness around his unbuttoned collar and his throat looked so damn good I just wanted to scream out and cry. The vest he wore over his starch white blouse ceremoniously matched the deep red velvet color that me, the maid of honor was directed to wear. Hell, we could walk right now into a high school prom and fit right in.
The thought made me so nervous I nearly couldn't sit still.
"Looking sharp there." I commended him, all the more still trying to keep my tone neutralized.
The corner of Shawn's lips curled into an arrogant yet cool smirk. Readjusting his blazer with copious confidence, Shawn leaned into the white chair assembled at the prettily decorated table-it had a red box of chocolate with white and red rose petals sprinkled all over the white table clothe. A centerpiece of a glass bowl with a white, burning candlestick inside of it filtered the center of the table.
The fire from the candle burned in Shawn's swarthy eyes.
"Hell yeah I look sharp. Better recognize that shit." He murmured silkily and I crunched my features up, all the more realizing that this was a side of Shawn I hadn't seen in years and years. It was almost like meeting a stranger and an old acquaintance at once-it wasn't surprising for Shawn to make me feel that way.
From the amicable way he approached me despite not having seen or spoken to him in a week with a goodbye that had been forcefully vague, I relaxed at his current demeanor. The nervousness I'd felt earlier began to slowly melt away. I'm not sure if it was from the warmth of the flame from the candle. But the candle had been there all along and Shawn's warmth had just arrived, so I knew it was him. That complacent, undisturbed look on his face was the one he had when we first met and it made my heart flutter because through the mature features I was able to see that little boy.
"Whoa now. Slow yo roll player," I smiled crookedly, "You think you that fine?"
"Think? Babygirl I know." He said emphatically and he looked so sexy when he did that I just wanted to throw myself at him.
I laughed heartily at him, "Word? What if I say differently?"
Shawn gave me a strange look before scoffing as he sat forward with his elbows on his knees, looking towards the crowd thus giving me his side profile,
"Shit," Shawn snickered again, "I wish a nigga would say I wasn't fine as fuck."
Bursting out laughing, I had to put my hand over my mouth when I felt I'd gotten too loud.
"Shawn!" I chided him and he looked at me like what he was saying was perfect, common logic.
"What?" he lifted his chin with and did that cute thing he did when twisted one corner of his lips when he didn't believe someone, "Tell me you don't think I'm the finest muh'fucka up in here. Lie to me girl."
"Boy you ain' that fine!" I blurted immediately without thought then realized his last words had been a dare to lie to him. The successful wide grin on Shawn's face made me feel foolish but brought on more laughter from me.
"Alright then there we go with those doggone lies." He said as he sat forward again and I laughed. 

Sucking my teeth, I shook my head and followed his gaze to the lively crowd, "Whatever. You are so full of yourself Carter."
"Damn...aye I just realized something." Shawn's sudden tone of awe made me look at him.
"What?" I asked, truthfully curious cause he seemed to have noticed something ground breaking.
"You were so full of me too a while ago."
At first I wasn't so sure whether that was a barb or a joke, but I soon learned from that simper starting on his face that he was only fooling around, feeling warmer inside at that realization.
A sinister smirk elongated his lips as I gasped and swatted him on his arm. His words had my cheeks burning because hell I could still feel him inside of me and it was more than a week later.
"Stop that! That wasn't nice Shawn...at all."
"Told you," he said laughingly unapologetically as he sat back, "Told you what would happen if you said I wasn't fine."
"Since when did you get so big headed?" I asked while trying to fight a smile, folding my arms with faux crossness.
Taking my champagne glass, Shawn took a sip before making a comical face that made me laugh and set it back on its perch. Shawn wasn't a fan of champagne.
"It's this girl who used to tell me I was fine all the damn time." He muttered as he sat back once again, looking good as ever with the firelight in his eyes.
"Word?" I gleefully played along.
"Word," he nodded, "At first, see I ain' really believe her." He was looking towards the crowd again. Damn that jawline and facial hair. They made my womanhood pulse.
"Oh really? Why ain' you believe her?"
"Cause I wasn't really her type."
"You weren't?"
"Nah."
"Then what was her type?"
"You know she was more into that clean cut, preppy look."
"No she wasn't!" I found myself coming to my own aid and Shawn looked at me oddly with a smirk.
"How you know?" he asked with reproach and my cheeks flushed and I laughed embarrassedly.
"I don't know," I bashfully said and picked up the wine glass, "Nevermind me. Go on with your story."
"Iight so," he continued casually and I laughed at how well he was playing the part, "Me and this girl we went through some things. Some crazy things."
"Oh really?" god I couldn't stop smiling which is why even though I'd brought the glass to my lips I wouldn't let it touch them, "Like what?"
"Well...she kind of, sort of started stalking me-"
"She did not stalk you!" I set the glass back on the table.
"Damn do you know this girl or somethin'? Why you sound so sure?"
"I didn't stalk you Shawn." I rectified with less volume through laughter.
"How the hell did you find where I lived then? And why did you just show up just like that? And then you just started to appear everywhere a nigga went. The gas station...the basketball court...shit sometimes I'd be coming from the bathroom at school and yah scary ass would be right there in the hallway. That doesn't look like stalking to you ma?"
"Shut up! No it wasn't stalking. I was just," my eyes skittered to my fumbling fingers sheepishly, "Just accumulating some information...you know?"
"AKA stalking a nigga...damn girl..." Shawn murmured under his breath and I punched him on his arm playfully again, blushing for no damn reason while he looked around casually, unaffected.
Then he folded his arms on the table and continued his rendition of our past.
"But this is the thing. She always called me fine," he stressed the word 'always', "All the damn time. A nigga couldn't breath or take a step in life without hearing her say that shit."
"Well it's clear something was wrong with her cause she sure as hell doesn't find you fine right now."
"How you know she doesn't think so?"
"She told me."
"She told you?" he raised a brow in a way that made my womanhood cry out.
"Yep." I kept my calm.
"Well since you talking to her tell her I wanna dance."
"Boy please," I waved him off jokingly, "She just told me she's so over your ass."
For a split second I worried that he might take what I said in a different context but thankfully he didn't.
"I didn't see you asking her."
His insistence made me laugh, "Well I know her well enough to know she doesn't want to dance with you."
He sighed exhaustingly, "Okay, okay. I guess imma have to settle for your ass then. Come on let's go."
At my gasp his boyish smirk widened as he looked to the crowd briefly, "I'm just fuckin' with you girl."
When he looked back at me his expression was a little bit more serious as he took my hand into his and stood up.
At my shocked expression he hitched his head faintly towards the open floor where others danced, "Forreal though. You shouldn't be sitting here alone when you're cousin just got married."
I realized then that my reason for not agreeing to dance with Shawn was because my nervousness was still underlying. Although I appreciated Shawn's friendliness it still threw me for the loop. It was quiet for a moment longer and I took that time to gaze at Shawn quietly.
"No no," I shook my head feeling shy beyond belief, "I don't dance."
Shawn did that twisting thing with his lips again that nearly drove me wild as he slowly pulled me up to my feet, "Quit playin'. Is this coming from the girl who tried to challenge me to a dance off back then?"
"Is this the boy who always used to sit around or stand up against the wall whenever everyone was dancing?" I asked, going with him willingly. It wasn't a long trip because the table I sat on was right beside the outskirts of the tent.
Taking my wrists into his hands Shawn wound them around his neck and I coyly let my body align with his. For the first few moments I felt awkward standing there with his hands knitted at my lower back.
"How was it?" I asked him quietly, keeping my eyes on his shirt.
"How was what?"
"Barbados. The funeral. All of it. I know you hadn't been there since the hurricane. And going back to bury your mother isn't exactly what I'd call a vacation."
For a moment I worried that although I was hitting right on the Nail my forward words might have angered him.
He was quiet for a few more seconds as we swayed lightly to the music, but he finally spoke.
"Honestly? It felt mad strange to me. Almost like I didn't really know that place anymore."
Frowning, I pressed my head against his chest, recalling all the times I went to our home which still stood in my old neighborhood, not recognizing it anymore because it hadn't been taken care of.
"I know what you mean..." I said quietly.
"Everything's just mad different. Nothing like I remember."
"Do you see yourself ever going back there?"
"You mean to live there?"
"Mhmm."
He was quiet for a few seconds of consideration.
"I'm not sure."
To his words I didn't know what else to say but I just tried to enjoy this moment of rarity in his arms.
Just as I was about to make a comment, a familiar tune suddenly caught my full attention, making me freeze all over before I threw my head back and made the mistake of looking at him.
"Shawn!" I called out to him suddenly.
"What?" he drew his brows confusedly.
"The song...do you remember this song?"
"What song?"
"The one playing right now."
Quieting down, Shawn listened a little bit more and shook his head at me, looking at me like I had lost my mind.
"No." he said simply.
"They played this song at-" I cut myself short before I said something that might ruin the mood.
"Anyway," I rested my head on his chest once again, my heart twisting at the memory, "I like this song."
It got quiet again.
Suddenly Shawn tensed, "Wait...wasn't this the song that was playing when..."
Then Shawn suddenly pealed my left hand away from his nape and held it in one hand of his.
Then he began to do something I remember him doing the night when he was drunk. His fingers began to rub the fourth finger of my left hand.
My heart began to beat so rapidly that I nearly became dizzy from how fast it beat. By then my eyes were no longer with his and I was looking everywhere but his face. Then I began fidgeting and when that began Shawn's hand pressed more firmly at my lower back, putting me in a position that meant I couldn't escape him.
"What was your wedding like Beyonce?"
Shawn's words struck me like lightning, making me loll my head backwards to look him in the eye.
I couldn't read his expression and it was then that I knew then that the Shawn that I'd once known was gone for the moment.
"What do you mean..." I asked, my voice trembling.
"I mean was it like this?" his eyes roved above my head before his dark shimmering eyes fell on me, "What was it like?"
For a long time I said nothing. We just stared at each other as though trying to find the answer within each other's eyes. I should've known the bitter side of him couldn't stay away for too long.
And I knew that the reason why we couldn't look at each other the entire evening was all because of this.
Swallowing hard, I lowered my eyes from Shawn's, hurt by his question for some reason, "Is that why you were trying to be friendly? Preparing me for the big blow?"
"No I'm too tired for all that shit. I just wonder sometimes that's all."
My eyes wet with tears that I didn't know came from where. By then my heart's rate was so chaotic I was certain it would give out at any time.
"Wonder what?" I shot my eyes at him in some sort of daring way, looking down at his lips as I awaited the words that I knew would spill out of them.
"Wonder if the reason you had that wedding was to make up for what I couldn't give you." His mouth shut and his jaw set after he said the words and I coward before his pained eyes.
"No...No. That's not it...it wasn't like that..." I rumbled in a voice close to a whiper, shaking my head and willing my tears away before they fell.
"Then what was it? Huh? Look at me. Why can't you look at me? You were so damn sure when you asked me why can't you look at me now Beyonce?" Shawn's voice was surprisingly not filled with the ire and rage that I was used to. His voice was soft, demanding but still gentle as though he had no more energy left in him to get mad at me anymore or speak with such contentment. I realized then that hearing him like this sounded much worse than hearing him angry because like this the pain and the confusion was real and unmasked. From the corner of my eyes I saw him tilting his head and craning his neck further just to look at the face that I was trying to avert from him.
In one swift motion Shawn cupped my face in his hands, leaving me no choice but to look directly into his.
"Do you even remember Bey? Huh? You act like ain' shit happened. Do you remember that night?"
"Of course!" I cried out, glaring at him through an ocean of tears that threatened to fall while he bore questioning eyes at me, "Of course I remember! How could I forget? It was something I wanted! It was my doing! So how could I forget...?"
As I looked into Shawn's eyes it was evident that he hadn't forgotten either.