Some Day One Day

20

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
I clutched my eyes tightly shut and clenched my teeth as the pain of Angie's shrill voice seared through one ear into the other.
"Angie for heaven's sake you don't have to be so fucking loud!" I ground out from where I stood on her doorstep.
"OH MY GOD!" she shrieked, not seeming to have heard me the first go around. She even put her hands over her gaping mouth as she ogled at me.
I sighed. I wasn't sure whether her reaction was from pure merriment or petrifaction. From the terrified look on her face though, I could clearly see that it was the later and felt my shoulders slump along with my confidence.
"What?!" I heard Ojay's distant voice linger from somewhere in the house. He never got up hurriedly from where he stood probably because he was used to Angie overreacting like this. Hew knew when to be really concerned and when not to.
"It's Beyonce!" Angie said, her shoulders still rigid along with the rest of her body and her eyes still wide.
"Angie...please..." I implored with a sigh, chaffing my hands over my thighs uncomfortably. I wish I'd never called her up and asked her if I could show up. I knew she would hate it. Angie was always the main one glorifying me for my 'good hair' and probably couldn't stomach the drastic change.
"Girl," she got a hold of my arm and invited me into her house, her eyes never once leaving my hair, "You cut your hair..."
"Um, yeah."
"All of it!"
"Not all of it! It's just a whispy bob cut." I defended myself, feeling a little bit hurt.
"And it's all black! You've never had black hair!" she exclaimed and I felt like my face was being dragged all over dirt.
"My god...It's the sexiest thing I've seen." Angie said, still in awe and I raised my eyes at her in a shock of my own.
"Huh?"
"Wow girl it's such a new look for you," she continued to rove over it and even fiddled some strands a little bit, "That dark color compliments your skin tone so well girl I love the hell out of it. Oh gosh Bey! Where'd you get it done?"
I blushed profusely, fingering the hair that now curtailed to my jawbone. It sloped downward with the front portions of it longer than the back. At first I thought it was odd but I eventually got used to it and most of everyone who I came in contact with watch me with revere. After cutting it to shoulder length by myself that night and trying my best to even it out, Mama at work advised me to do something edgier. I laughed at first because the fact that an old lady was telling me to be more edgy and spontaneous was kind of humorous, but I realized that she was serious when she referred me to her daughter who was a hairstylist. With an affordable price, she cut it to a trendier bob that was the 'in' thing present day.
Dying it jet black had been my idea though. At first I'd gone off—black but after the cut, I took Mama's advice to the extreme and journeyed back to the store to get an 'edgier' color.
"Ojay." Angie chirped excitedly, grabbing my hand and guiding me with her to the vestibule of the living room where Ojay sat in a grandfather chair with a sports magazine masking his face.
"Angie stop. You're embarrassing me." I told her, wishing she wouldn't magnify the situation much more than she was already doing, but of course she ignored me. It wasn't that big of a deal. Well to me it was, but it shouldn't have been for anyone else.
"Hmm? Why were you screamin' like that man?" he asked in boredom that showed he was used to Angie's overactive reactions. When he folded his magazine and looked up, his brow shot up with a shock that seemed to strike him hard.
"Beyonce?" he said wondrously as though someone else other than me was standing in front of him. Then a slow smile lifted his lips and he nodded approvingly, "I like. I like."
My heart swelled and I couldn't help but show it in a coy smile, "Thank you."
"Girl you look so cute," Angie told me appraisingly, "You know I never thought you'd do something like this."
"I know. Me too. But I just needed a change I guess." I told them both.
"Yeah, maybe that's what you need." Ojay said observantly.
"Ojay stop looking at her like that." Angie suddenly snapped at him and I couldn't help but burst out laughing. The sly smile Ojay gave her was unremorseful and I laughed some more; even harder so when Angie gasped ghastly. These two never stopped. The show always went on with them and I was certain they never suffered lack of interest like most couples did when being together got mundane.
"Damn, you might have to lock yo cousin up now." Ojay said japefully and Angie grapped a pillow and threw it at him, which he caught effortlessly before it struck him.
"That's six months now that you ain' getting' any."
Ojay's smile dropped instantly and my laughter accelerated.
"Yeah nigga. Don't forget who you're messin' with." Angie told me and turned to me with a suddenly sweet smile.
"So what did you need hun?" Angie asked me, then turned to Ojay again before we left the living room, "Oh babe before I forget, your mom called you earlier today."
Ojay grimaced and Angie laughed. I didn't know what that was about but I didn't have time to ponder over it because Angie was pushing me out of the hallway and up the stairs.
"Okay so what was the emergency call for?" She asked from behind me.
"Nothing really. Well, nothing significant..." I hoped that saying the words would appease the nervousness I felt.
"Girl hush. You calling me when I knew very well that you were still mad at me about leaving you at the club has to mean something."
That night after I left the club I had cussed Angie out for being inconsiderate and selfish. We hadn't talked for a week mostly because I ignored her calls. I felt bad to be calling her when I needed her but Angie didn't seem to mind, stating that she only cared that we were talking once again no matter what about.
"Well..." I hesitated as we entered her room and moved to my usual spot at the vanity table and Angie went to her bed. I was speaking to her from her reflection in the mirror.
"Do you mind?" I had picked up some bronze pigmented foundation from her empire of make up and she waved her hand at me negligently.
"Of course. So what's good?" she folded her legs on the bed and it was only when her terrier pounced on it to join her that I remembered its existence. I turned away from them and back to the mirror
"I sort of have a date. Well not really a date. No I can't call it a date. More like, just hanging out with a friend—" I said nervously, focusing on my pouted lips as I applied color to them.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
Angie's sudden screaming made me lose grip with the foundation stick and sent it clattering on her mahogany table.
"What now?!" we heard Ojay yell from downstairs. Exasperated, I turned to Angie.
"It's Beyonce again." She called out to him and I could see Ojay merely just shaking his head at her.
"Can't you be any louder?" when she raised her brow shrewdly at me I shook my head as I turned back around, sustaining the need to laugh, "Nevermind. Don't even answer that."
"Girl...When did this happen? How did it happen? Who is he? What does he look like? And what does he do?"
"Umm," I thought for a while before speaking again, "It happened sometime this week. He asked me if I wanted to go for a game with him. His name is Dreux. He's fine as fucking hell. And he works in the kitchen at the hotel where I work."
"Oh my gosh!"
"Angie don't make it a big deal now okay. We're just going for a game...cause his brother bailed out on him."
"Is he the reason why you wanted this new look?" she ignored my excuse.
I narrowed my eyes at her through the mirror, "No. It was my decision. I need a change."
I'd moved on to glossing my lips with some soft, burgeon lip gloss when I realized Angie was uncharacteristically quiet. I expected her to be bouncing off of walls and shaking me for more information on Dreux but she was as calm as the weather after a storm. My eyes darted to her reflection in the mirror of her smiling thoughtfully while petting and tickling her jubilant dog.
"What?" my voice brought her eyes up to mine.
"Nothing. I'm just really happy to see you happy that's all." She said it so earnestly that I couldn't help the gladness that washed through me.
I smiled at her, "Thanks sis you know it's all thanks to you and Ojay right?"
She smiled modestly and shook her head, "Nope. It's all you. So what look are you going for?"
We transported to her walk in closet and discussed what I desired to wear. I didn't have any clothes that coincided with the season and Angie as usual was generous enough to loan me something suitable.
By the time we were done and looking at my reflection in the mirror even I couldn't believe the outcome. Although I'd always been generally smaller than Angie, the lower half of my body never had a problem fitting into her clothes. Hell, if I wasn't on a diet, all the food usually went into the one place that I detested so much and Angie envied for some reason.
"Oh my gawd you look amazing." Angie told me and literally became teary eyed.
"Angie!" I said with a sigh and brought her to me for a hug. Ojay had been telling me her erratic behavior was even moreso nowadays. I had my assumptions as to why, but I wasn't going to make any conclusions until further notice.
When we pulled back and she told me she was going to get some perfume from her bathroom, I took the time to stare at myself.
I looked different.
My style was simple yet still elegant enough to even make me give myself a double take. Triangular shaped, gold earrings glistened like the sun back at me. It matched a recently bought bronze jacket that Angie got a few weeks ago. Inside was a simple, plain vest that fitted snugly, and so did my pants which were the new fad that were sweeping the nation that clung tightly, emulating tights but in a classier way.
I couldn't see my shoes with the head-to-midriff-length mirror but they were black stilettos. I hadn't worn high heels in a while.
And as I stared at myself, I realized I didn't feel good because I had on expensive clothes and jewelry. It's because I actually felt good deep within. I thought nothing could bring me down for those few moments. I hadn't been this happy in months. And I realized truthfully that it wasn't because Dreux asked me out. My initial happiness was due to my bravery to pave my own way and do what I wanted.
Even though cutting hair was such a simple task, to me it was my bravery to do it without seeking anyone's approval that made me so pleased with myself.
When Angie returned with her perfume, we both sat down, positions switched with me on her bed with her sweet little dog and her at the vanity table.
"So you excited?" The conversation swiveled to me for the umpteenth time.
"Girl it's not that serious for real. You know I was thinking, maybe I dressed up too much..."
Angie rolled her eyes, "Girl please. And even if you did. It's about time. You need to flaunt yourself a little bit you know."
I laughed, allowing her dog to sit on my lap while I fingered the embroidery of her bed, suddenly lost in thought. Angie went off to talk about something but my thoughts were so indulgent that they flooded all thoughts around me off.
"I can't stop thinking about him Angie." I said suddenly, wondering why I'd suddenly gone from being extremely happy to sudden dejection. It was then that I realized I'd cut Angie off and I apologized ashamedly for being so rude and inconsiderate.
"Who Dreux?" Angie asked with a skeptical smile as she turned fully to me from the mirror, "Damn girl is he that fine?"
I didn't answer but focused on my fingers tracing the beads of her bed. Finally when I looked back up, Angie was looking at me worriedly. When she saw the look in my eyes, she too frowned.
"Oh...him..."
"I don't get it!" I cried out frustratingly, my thrown up hand gesticulations magnifying my exasperation, "I'm trying Angie. I'm trying real hard."
Angie simply frowned and lowered her eyes, allowing me to rant on and on.
"Everything I do, I can't stop thinking about him. When I got here, first thing I did was worry if he was here. Then to make things worse, I was upset because he wasn't. What the hell is wrong with me? And when I made a vow last week that I wouldn't think about him anymore, I couldn't stop thinking about him much more than I had before. It's been four years Angie, why am I doing this to myself?"
"Beyonce sometimes you can't help what your feelings make you do." Angie explained softly.
"I don't want these feelings. Especially not when I know that he doesn't give a damn about me either."
"How do you know that?"
I folded my arms astutely.
"Do you remember what he did that night at the club? He did that deliberately to show that he doesn't care about me anymore." I told her, the images of the club infringing my mind everytime I thought about it.
"Beyonce he's been doin' that." Angie said earnestly and my jaw went slack. I don't know why I felt betrayed and hurt, but I did despite what I wanted myself to think and feel.
"He has?" my voice was unnaturally high, "Why didn't you tell me?"
Angie narrowed her eyes at me, "Would you have truly liked to know Beyonce? After the way you cussed me out the other night for bringing the past up at dinner?"
My mute response gave her the answer I was too proud to put into words.
"Ever since..." her hesitation made me suspicious, "...well I'd say his junior year of college...Shawn's just...I don't know, let go I guess...?"
"Let go?" I echoed. Junior year at college? Why had she known the specific time and why had she hesitated before picking her following words carefully.
"Mhmm." She hummed at me with a nod.
"How so?" I tried to sound casual even though I knew the girl who knew my heart mind and soul wouldn't buy it.
"I mean...you remember how he used to be in highschool. Like a girl could get with Shawn and not even worry about him cheating or anything like that." Angie explained.
"Yeah I know. That's just the type of guy that Shawn is. Faithful."
When Angie twisted her lips, I became nervous against my own will.
"Well...I guess he'd be faithful if he was in a relationship. But anyway girl we better get you going—"
"No wait. What do you mean if he was in a relationship? And you still haven't explained to me how he's let go." I don't know why it was bugging me, but it was so fervently that I couldn't let go.
"I don't wanna get my head bitten off for telling you things you don't want to hear."
"I do want to hear." I admitted, hating myself for sounding so desperate but unable to stop it.
"...well..."
"Angie." I sighed impatiently and she sighed too.
"Okay. Ever since Shawn made himself...available...it was around junior year and well, girls started getting hot and bothered—"
"Wait. What do you mean made himself available? Was he involved with someone before that?" I asked haltingly, my heart thudding in trepidation. If he had, I could only wonder who. I couldn't help but notice right then and there how ignorant I'd been to the fact htat just because I left, life hadn't stopped for Shawn. The mere thought of him sharing what we had with another woman drove me to the brink of insanity and it took a few therapeutic litanies to keep me from losing it. It was hard because the reluctant look on Angie's face didn't help at all.
"I don't know. Look do you want me to finish or not?" it was her turn to be aggravated by my behavior.
I steeled myself and chewed my tongue to prevent me from interrogating her until I got all the answers that I suddenly needed.
"Okay," Was my terse response as I folded my arms firmer, "Go on."
"And he just became um...generous?"
"Generous?"
Angie nodded.
"Generous in what way?"
"Like...generous like he started sharing his dick generous."
My mouth fell agape and Angie shrugged because I'd admittedly been asking for that bluntness. I took a deep breath to calm the discomfort I felt.
"So um...he's messed with a lot of women?"
Angie looked off introspectively before shaking her head, "No, no I wouldn't say messed with, because some of my girls tell me that he's usually just up front with his."
"Your girls?!"
"Okay Beyonce that's enough for today—"
"What do you mean upfront with his?"
Angie sighed, "You know this is not a good look for you Beyonce. You're getting mad when this should be your happy night..."
"Mad? I'm not mad." I said with a shake of my head and Angie twisted her lips disbelievingly as she looked away.
"Damn...who would've thought?" I chuckled bitterly, "Shawn...a man whore."
A laugh sputtered out of Angie, "Girl hush. Don't say that about your man."
"He's not my man. Now tell me what you meant about him being up front?"
Angie growled annoyingly, "Like before he fucks them he tells them what the deal is. At least that's what I hear from around the way."
"What the deal is?"
"Like he'll lay the cards on the table before he ever takes his pants off. Like Trina's ol' triflin' ass told me that before they even did anything he let them know it was just straight up fucking and if she was looking for a man then she had to look elsewhere because that's not what he was looking for."
Her words made me shudder. Shawn? Shawn Corey Carter? The one who I fell in love with?
"And some of those girls don't believe him. They think they'll change him but I keep telling those heifers that they can't. So they end up getting hurt when his ass already warned them. And you know what? I kind of don't even blame him because he's been burned so many times before. I know the only reason he's been doing it is because he's afraid of getting hurt."
I swallowed deeply to prevent the guilt that I felt. The word 'hurt' and 'Shawn' always had this powerful way of making me feel guilty.
Turning away from the mirror, Angie said to me with a shrug, "But that's what it's been like. And what I find so funny is that these girls don't get the message cause they still go back to him. Makes me wonder how good he is."
Very good, a voice inside of me answered and I gritted my teeth peevishly, counted to ten with closed eyes and took three deep breaths.
"Wow." Was all I could say.
"Yeah, but oh well. Hopefully it's not a lasting habit. Anyway," Angie beamed at me, "You ready for your night out on the town girl?"
"Yeah." I was ready.
Now I was more than determined to have a good time.