Some Day One Day

8

That exciting, tingling sensation that I'd gotten the first time I went to the party had become a recurring feeling in my life. It wasn't there all the time, only resurfacing whenever I was about to go somewhere I wasn't supposed to go and do something I wasn't meant to do.
School was just three weeks away. This summer could've been enjoyable for me if my parents weren't breathing down my back about what I needed to do and whatnot. Since my sister was overseas as an exchange student for a program at the private school she went to, that gave them more leeway to get on my case. They kept beleaguering me about studying for the SAT's and ACT's so that I could get into the prestigious college that they went to. It annoyed the hell out of me because that's all they wanted my life to revolve around. I guessed it was because they began to notice that I was enjoying myself a bit too much by coming in late and leaving as I pleased. They even gave me a damn curfew! But I began to realize that the more my parents tried to control me, the more I fought for control over myself.
Half the things I threatened to do I would normally never do though so my rebelliousness was somewhat that of a scaredy cat. I was always too apprehensive to step over my boundaries but with each passing day I was headed more that way.
After weeks of only gleeful blue skies and an arrogant sun, the gray skies finally took control, filling up every inch of the sky. I'd heard from word of mouth that a basketball match was taking place.
The match was taking place by Arsenal Road, where a basketball court was situated. At this court, everything and anything happened. From the various, unofficial basketball games for the boys who could never be on the school's basketball team, to a drive by that had happened no longer than two years ago where a boy's younger brother had been killed.
I'd never seen the court with my naked eyes but now that I was actually face to face with it, I was a little bit scared yet enthralled all the same. Heavy cracks acted as spectral decorations all over the cemented ground. Tiny sprouts of grass sporadically dotted the court. A pole that held the tattered basket was so thin that I wondered if a gale of wind could knock it over.
There was an eeriness to all of this that gave me thrills of excitement. I was so used to everything being so clean cut, so proper that I loved this change of atmosphere.
Meandering over the court were guys clad in different variations of sportswear from sweatpants to basketball shorts and t-shirts to wife beaters.
I favored the guys who walked around shirtless.
Once a cheerleader, I'd been big on sports and still was. So when I heard about this match, I wouldn't even let my Dad's word deter me from coming to a place he'd strictly forbidden me to.
Taking a seat on one of the relic, silver benches, I scoured the male rookies in interest. In truth, I was looking for one particular guy.
Finally, I zeroed in on him and my heart melted in surrender. Shawn was one of the few togged in a pair of black basketball shorts and a black wife beater along with black tennis shoes. He was casually glancing around with an abstracted look on his face that certainly worked for him, idly shifting a bright orange basketball from one hand to the other. Again I was purloined of breath at the strength and virility of his hands. They looked so strong and powerful-like he knew exactly how to use them.
I found myself thinking up a thousand and one scenarios of him standing there the way he was until someone came in front of him, obstructing my few. It was a female, which made the obstruction more so. Shawn's expression remained unchanged for the first few seconds as the girl spoke, even when she trailed her fingers up his sinewy arm flirtatiously. Then slowly but surely as if the effects of her touch were finally taking form, he started smiling what seemed to be a modest smile, never once stopping the interchanging of the ball from one hand to the other. He even chuckled-I could tell by the way his shoulders shook-and looked away briefly before returning his gaze to her and finally speaking.
Icy, cold jealousy struck me hard as I watched them converse in the form of what seemed like flirting.
Ever since that day in the hospital, Shawn and I had run into each other a lot more. He'd be with his crew-who I didn't think liked me very much-and I'd be with my girls-who all weren't too discriminating when it came to him all because his looks made up for his lack of money.
I would get butterflies each time we crossed paths despite myself, and that led me to like him more and more.
And this was the first time I liked a guy who I wasn't so sure liked me back.
Whereas I learned that Shawn never usually tried to flirt back intentionally, the girls who spoke to him would want him to do it so much that whatever he said; they took it to the tenth degree and molded it into their own version of flirting.
I knew this because I'd done it too on occasion. At times I wanted to tell Shawn that I had a little crush on him, but I didn't want to start anything-especially since I adamantly insisted that he wasn't my type. I also used my strict parents as an excuse too.
Despite the envy I felt, one thing I had to admit about Shawn though was that there was something about him that just...
I don't know.
It was really hard to explain.
He seemed...different from everyone else-not just different from his type-but from everyone.
At times I think that was why girls wanted him so much. He had this mature aura to him that none of the other boys had.
I also noticed that whenever someone gave him a compliment he would become the cutest thing ever. And the fact that he didn't seem like the type to react that way just added to him being so damn incredulously sexy to me. Shawn was one to receive a million and one compliments in a day from the female population. Whenever someone said something to him, he'd have this cute smile that was somewhere in between a blush and the need to annihilate it.
There was an incident in History class when this girl told him nonstop how damn fine he was that I could see the annoyance clearly on his face. He had this look on his face like he was dying to tell her to shut the fuck up on or at least alter the topic to something else. Coincidently he'd looked up and met my gaze. I'd begun laughing and Shawn simply smirked with a shake of his head when he concluded that I probably knew what he was thinking.
I smiled faintly at the thought.
After some intense gazing, I recognized that the girl talking to him was that one from the party. Stacey or something. The jealousy I felt before deepened. Over the past summer, I spotted her and Shawn everywhere together-which led me to believe that they were close. And anytime they talked, Shawn's eyes would have this different light in them.
For the life of me I couldn't understand why and I hated to think that way, but I couldn't help it. I knew that jealousy was a major part of me doing it. But adman, she wasn't all that. For starters, she really wasn't much to look at. She was a little bit frumpy. The more I looked at her the more I established that she was probably an albino with her light hair, light eyes, and light skin.
I truly don't know what he saw in her or what kept him so captivated whenever she spoke. It couldn't have been her personality because from what I saw of her she could get too loud, spoke too ghetto, and didn't seem all that smart.
I knew I had everything that she didn't and more.
My thoughts were soon thwarted when another group of guys poured into the playing field. My eyes drifted back to Shawn and Stacey. When she tiptoed with her arms open up to him, he simply smiled and leaned forward to give her the hug she wanted. I sighed sadly, suddenly wishing that I was her.
That was the first time I'd ever had those wishes.
When she left, he watched her shortly before one of his friends playfully smacked the basketball out of his hands. Shawn laughed and soon started talking to his friend as he dribbled the stolen ball.
The wind had suddenly picked up and I hugged myself tightly, rubbing over my goose bumped skin. Those goose bumps had nothing to do with the wind either.
Eventually, the game finally started and I watched with keen interest. The way Shawn played so effortlessly amused the hell out of me. Whenever he'd score for his team, he'd have this energy just shooting through him in waves. He seemed so damn serious about the game, eyeing his opponents as he walked by with intensity, his hands balled into tight fists. I'm not sure how many times I sighed in sublimity just from looking at him.
The wind had suddenly picked up and I hugged myself even more.
At last, the game ended with Shawn and his crew winning. It was such a wonderful thing to see people winning even if there was no prize in the end. Their happiness for victory is what seemed to be their reward. Those were the few times when I realized that one didn't have to have something materialistic to be fulfilled.
Some people dawdled around while others left. I'm not sure what came over me that day but I got off the bench and started making my way towards Shawn. I stopped short when I saw Stacey reappear and practically throw herself on him for a hug. Shawn, who'd received a lot of props for his talents and lightning speed skill on the courts, probably didn't read anything into it and reciprocated her hug. Another wave of envy crashed me hard as he held her close to him. His head was lowered and her lips were close to his ears. Shawn's brows raised in amusement right before she pulled back, and he smirked at her as he stood straight. He obviously liked whatever she had to tell him.
I started to feel competitiveness within me-the type I felt whenever somebody else had something that I wanted before I got it.
"Hey Shawn." I said as I stepped up to them, my hands behind me.
"Beyonce?" he seemed genuinely surprised by my presence, a faint smile lingering until it finally lifted the corner of his lusciously full lips.
"Good game." I said to him and turned to Stacey, eyeing her out to date clothing, "Sup...Stacey right?"
"Yeah..." she suddenly seemed uncomfortable, maybe even a little bit intimidated by my being there, "Beyonce Knowles?"
It surprised me that she knew my entire name, but that happened to me a lot. People who I didn't even know would say hi to me at the super market and I'd later on learn that we attended the same school.
"Yeah." I clarified for her with a polite smile that she barely returned.
"So...you comin'?" Stacey turned to Shawn and asked him. I chewed on the gum on my cheek, wishing I knew what she was talking about.
"No doubt," Shawn said to her with an assertive nod, letting her know that he'd heard her since he was in the middle of talking to a friend who'd walked up to him and handed him the basketball, "Imma call you before I get there."
"Iight." She told him as she backed up, but not before looking at me one last time. I smiled at her and she forced a smile back before turning and walking away. I don't know why I felt like I'd scared her away because her and Shawn were having such a fruitful conversation until I arrived.
I didn't care though. Hell, it worked in my favor.
I watched as Shawn and his friend talked. His friend occasionally looked my way, a question mark all over his face. I guess like everyone else who was there, they wondered why I was even here. There were only certain cliques that came by this way and my clique wasn't one of them. My people usually hang around the mall, or even sometimes Central Park. Never in a place like this.
"You Beyonce righ?" Shawn's friend suddenly asked me and Shawn looked towards me.
"Mhmm." I didn't know his name even though I saw him all the time in school.
"Oh," he put his hand on his chest, "I'm Preston. I'm sure you don't know who I am"
"Hi Preston." I told him with a warm smile, "I know who you are. I see you around at school all the time."
"Why don't you ever tell a nigga hi then?" he pasted an affronted look on his face that made me laugh.
"Sorry. I'll remember to do that next time." I apologized. The easy grin that lit up his face told me that he wasn't one to take things to heart.
"You came here to see your man?" he asked with a sheepish smile and I couldn't help but laugh. I guess Shawn's friends kind of made the connection that I liked him, even though most of the time I wasn't too sure whether some of them had a problem with that.
I glanced at Shawn who held a clueless look on his face.
"Who's yo man?" Shawn asked innocently, casually dribbling the basketball. Lord, he was so damn adorable sometimes.
Preston gave me a weird look before shaking his head dismally.
"I'm sorry. This nigga is just kind of slow." he said.
"Huh?" Shawn looked at him in confusion and I felt myself warming up inside at how endearing Shawn could be.
"I'm out dawg," Preston ignored Shawn's bewilderment and gave him a dab, "I'll holla at you later."
"Iight son." Shawn responded.
"Oh yeah, Tierra told me to ask you why you ain' called her yet." Preston said as he walked backwards. Shawn simply shook his head while focusing on the basketball he was dribbling.
"You gonna call?" Preston prodded, "Cause she keeps buggin' me about it?"
"Yeah." Shawn murmured with a jerky nod and I laughed softly at him.
He suddenly looked up at me and a slow smirk lodged on his lips.
"What?" he asked with a knowing smile.
"Nothing." I hedged.
"What?" he egged me on, focusing on his ball bouncing once again.
"Are you gonna call her?" I finally asked.
Shawn smiled, never once looking at me as he continued bouncing.
"That's for me to know..." he finally answered with a playful shrewdness.
"And for me to find out..." I mimicked him and spontaneously stole the ball from him, dribbling it on my own but not with finesse since I was afraid that I would mess up my Nails.
Shawn didn't seem to mind because he simply laughed in slight surprise by my movement. He was about to answer me before another friend of his came to him. They conversed a little bit before he left-but of course not before he eyed me strangely.
"I don't know. I might." Shawn finally answered me when his attention was returned to me.
"Might? Don't leave her hanging." I advised him out of spite and noticed that Shawn was focusing on my hands.
"I wont. Aye, stop slapping the ball like that," he said suddenly while scratching the side of his head, "It's annoying the fuck out of me."
I dribbled the ball the wrong way harder and Shawn sucked his teeth.
"You're such a girl." He murmured lowly, his voice deep and corrugated. I licked my lips when I felt an arousing flare go through me.
"Thanks." I said perkily just to annoy him and he chuckled again.
"You don't know how to dribble a basketball right Bey..."
"Sorry. It's not my forte. Plus, I don't want my Nails to get messed up."
"What you doin' here anyway?" He asked me as he lifted his shirt up to wipe off some stubborn rivulet of sweat that streamed down the side of his forehead. My body flashed hot and cold when I caught sight of his firmly meticulous trunk. He had a six-pack, and you didn't just run into a six-pack on high school niggas except for those into sports-and Shawn wasn't into sports or anything like that. My hands chaffed against my hips when I felt this sudden need to know if it felt as hard as it looked.
"I heard there was a game. So I came here." I explained.
Shawn looked around us before returning his gaze to me speculatively, "These aren't the type of places that you seem to like."
"You don't know me, so how can you know what I like?" I asked without any heat to my tone.
Shawn raised one hand in surrender, "My bad. Didn't mean to assume. It's just...okay lemme reword it this way. This doesn't look like your kind of place to have fun."
"What kind of place do you think I like to have fun at?"
"The mall. Movies. Getting manicures and getting your hair did and all that shit..."
"Basically places that involve spending money?" I asked him and he did that thing where he bit the inside of his lip thoughtfully.
"I didn't say that." He said tersely before biting the inside of his lip again. My god, that was one of the sexiest things I'd ever seen. Hot and cold flashes flapped within me and it got a little bit hard to stay on track.
"You don't have to say it."
"But I didn't. Stop assuming." By the satisfied, shit-eating grin pasted on his face I knew he liked how he'd caught me where he wanted. I made a face at him in retaliation by sticking out my tongue at him and he laughed.
"So what's up with you and Stacey?" I asked next, realizing that whenever I talked to Shawn, our topics always sprung up from everywhere. The moment I said Stacey's name Shawn's smirk widened and he hefted his chin.
"What do you mean?"
"I mean are you and her together or somethin'?"
"Nah..." he glanced at me suspiciously before slapping the basketball away from my hands so quickly that my head nearly spun from his agility.
"Then howcome ya'll are always together?" I asked and watched him pass the ball through his legs.
"I don't know Judge Judy," he said sarcastically chuckled at the withering glance I gave him. We were quiet a while before Shawn spoke.
"What's it to you anyway?" he asked, and I couldn't tell if he was being sardonic or not.
I moved forward and tried to steal the ball away from him but didn't succeed.
"What's it to you to know what it is to me anyway?"
Shawn snickered, "I like your play on words...now answer my question."
I watched him do some amazing tricks with the ball, trying to decide whether to answer his question truly or not. Hell, it was either now or never because Stacey was two steps ahead of me and by the way Shawn always looked at her, I knew she could have him if she wanted.
"It's a lot to me." I found myself admitting to him, completely unashamed by my brazen attitude. Usually when I wanted a guy and he hadn't approached me yet, I went after him-which happened very rarely. But all in all, there was no shame in my game when it came to getting what I wanted.
Shawn stared at me suspiciously before snickering with a shake of his head and focused on bouncing his ball yet again.
"I'm serious." I made sure that my features were as serious as my words. Shawn looked up at me, surveying me punctiliously.
"Nah," he finally answered with a shake of his head, his breath a bit strained from the work he was putting into those basketball tricks he was making "Stacey's just my homegirl. She was the first real friend I had when I first moved here."
"Oh." Was all I said with a pang of jealousy pressuring up within my chest.
Damn that bitch.
A cold prickle on my forehead made me look up to see a vastly moving sky, which appeared darker than before. When I heard some rustling, I looked around to find leaves convulsing frantically. Looking around like that made me realize that Shawn and I were the only two people that occupied the court now.
"Dang...everyone already left," I focused on Shawn again, "Which means I can ask you what I've been dying to ask for a while now."
"What." Shawn said more than asked, tilting his head at me suspiciously. My eyes dropped to his neck and my mouth watered when I felt the need to lick it. He was a work of art...really.
"Do you wanna go out sometime?" I asked him, shoving all images of my mother and father away along with everything I'd once thought of Shawn.
Shawn paused for a second with the ball in his hands before chortling and bouncing the ball some more with a shake of his head.
"Well?"
"You got jokes ma..."
"Actually, I'm not joking."
"Yes you are."
"Nope."
He finally looked up and asserted with a nod, "Yes you are.."
Pilfering the ball from him since I knew my question had caught him off guard, I started bouncing it the best way that my long Nails would allow me to.
"I'm not joking Shawn."
"Why do you wanna go out with me?" he asked me with clear confusion on laced all over his handsome face. I noticed a couple of light raindrops had fallen on his sleek skin. I wanted to wipe them off for him and if he asked me why, I'd tell him he needed me to.
I was feeling confident that day but not that confident though.
"Why do people go out with people?"
"I don't know," he murmured with a shrug, avoiding eye contact with me now by focusing on my dribbling, "Gives them something to do..."
"Or...?" I cajoled.
He stared at me doubtfully before shaking his head and purloining the ball away from me, "You trippin' mad hard Beyonce."
He jogged a few steps away from me and made a clear shot through the basketball rim. Even though I was appalled by how proficiently he'd done that, I was still well aware to know that he was trying to avoid me-but I wasn't discouraged so easily. Now I knew that he was trying to avoid me, but I wasn't discouraged so easily.
"I wanna go out with you because I like you." I said bluntly, deciding not to beat around the bush anymore, all the while my conscience reminding me how crazy I was being.
Shawn turned around and stared at me diffidently.
"Can you tell me that again? The exact same way you said it, in the exact same tone, And if it ain a problem, please try saying it with the same feeling."
Haplessly, I burst out laughing at the way he said it so seriously.
"I said I like you Shawn." I said when I caught my breath and when I looked at Shawn he was smirking at me.
"You like me." He droned.
"I've started to." I confessed bravely, walking towards him slowly, still feeling the tiny shards on my face and exposed shoulders and arms. I hoped to god it wouldn't start raining while I was still out because I'd just gotten my hair done not too long ago.
"I wonder who you're gonna like next week..." Shawn mumbled and I felt like glacial water had been splashed on my face.
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Nothing."
"I'm gonna repeat my question and this time you're gonna answer it...what's that supposed to mean?"
"I know you Beyonce. You like guys like you like the newest fashions," he smirked at my reaction to his words, "I'm not a fad."
"I didn't say that." I said, all the while surprised he even knew what the word fad meant-hell, that he even knew the word existed.
"You didn't have to say it." He said menacingly, looking good with the way he was bent over slightly, his legs far apart as he bounced the ball from one hand to another as if he was in the midst of a game.
"And just for the record, you don't know me." I reminded him for the umpteenth time.
"From what I've seen..."
"I flirt a lot," I spoke out what I knew he was insinuating, "but that doesn't mean I like every guy that I flirt with."
Shawn gave me that disbelieving look once again and I shrugged apathetically even if I truly did care what he thought.
"Oh I get it," he began as if something dawned on him, "Is this you still trying to pay me back for fixing your car?"
My mouth dropped in shock.
"What?! Are you serious?" I asked in a fluster, embarrassed that he'd remembered about that. I ended up paying for it regardless of what he'd told me and we'd never spoken about it since.
His simper widened as he focused on interchanging the bouncing of the ball from one hand to the other. Man, if that look on his face wasn't the sexiest thing in the world it wouldn't have been so hard for me to collect my thoughts and continue setting him straight.
"A-And...Why do you think that I'm trying to repay you for something? Why can't I just like you?"
"I don't know." Shawn shrugged again, turned around and effortlessly threw the ball in the hoop like it was a piece of cake and let it roll away instead of taking it. He finally turned around to me again.
"I just...vaguely...remember someone telling me that it's a take and take world. That everything...must...cost something."
Stupendous and unable to respond, Shawn grinned widely at my flabbergasted expression while yanking up his shorts. A hot flare went through my womanhood at the action.
"Oh yeah," he bobbed his head towards me with a sinister smirk, "You got some gum on you?"
Scowling at him, I reached for my pocket and pulled out a pack of gum and Shawn laughed at me. I twisted my mouth so that I wouldn't smile back as I handed him the piece of gum.
"Well damn, I didn't know you actually carry gum with you everywhere." He popped it in his mouth and threw away the wrapper.
"Got to keep myself staying fresh. Anyway. So you think there's a catch to me asking you to go out with me?"
He nodded while shoving his hands into his pockets, "I mean if everything costs something..."
"So what's the cost of someone liking someone else?" I too incautiously folded my arms, trying not to get distracted with the way he looked so damn sexy when chewing gum.
"The chance of that person not liking them back." Shawn said with a smirk and I felt a gripe of rejection in my chest. It must have showed on my face because Shawn laughed softly.
"Or...the chance that that other person might like them back, when they know they shouldn't...or can't."
"Are you that person?" I asked him forwardly and our eyes held for a long time before Shawn turned away and asked.
"What's a girl like you doin' askin a guy like me out though?" his eyes were frantically searching everywhere until he spotted what he wanted and went to it-the basketball.
"What's wrong with me?" I asked him softly, feeling a little bit self cautious and surprised by the fact as I walked up to where he stood near the benches. Shawn looked up at me from his bent over position and stood up straight with the ball in his hands.
Our eyes held for a long moment, the only sounds now the whistling of the wind, and the billowing of it passing through our clothing.
"Am I ugly?" I disquieted the quiet air and Shawn suddenly looked at me like I was crazy.
"Fuck no." He said emphatically and I tried my best not to blush, but my cheeks still burned nonetheless.
"Then what is it?" I asked and Shawn remained thoughtfully quiet for a moment.
"Nothing," He finally said with a serious timbre to his voice as he sat on the second row of the bench, "Nothing's wrong with you."
"Then what is it?" I prodded quietly, fingering the charm bracelet on my wrist nervously.
Shawn examined me quietly. I knew my abruptness had caught him off guard, but I felt as if it was either now or never. I knew if I gave it too much thought I'd chicken out, and seeing him and Stacey the way they were made me feel like I was running out of time for some reason. I also knew that Shawn wasn't really the typical type of guy that I usually fell for, but the crush I had for him was unlike any other I'd had for anyone else and I still didn't know why. Maybe it was not knowing that encouraged me to be bold enough and find out why. It wasn't because I knew every girl around the block started noticing him-or maybe it was. Maybe I didn't want them to get to him before I did. But there was something different about Shawn compared to all the other guys here. It wasn't just because he was from a completely different place, or maybe it was.
It was just something that drew me to him.
Shawn suddenly shook his head like stepping out of a trance, his eyes downcast as he started the motion of bouncing the ball on the row where he'd placed his feet.
"Nothing." He insisted in a mumble.
"Are you one of those guys who make girls have to earn you or something?" I asked after a short silence and Shawn laughed while looking up. I couldn't help but smile. I liked his laugh. It was deeper than all these other youngsters whose voices cracked whenever they opened their mouths, laid back, and faint-not overdone like some folks. It was just a nice, quiet, sexy laugh.
"What makes you say that?"
"I don't know. There's some guys who try to make girls work hard to get them. Like they have to win them over or something."
"Isn't that what makes the victory more worth it in the end?"
"No. That's what makes people waste time when they could just simply be upfront with each other and call it a day."
Shawn simply smirked at me and I sighed impatiently.
"Damn Shawn, do I have to work for you?"
Shawn laughed while looking at the ball as he spun it on the digit of his middle finger before capturing it in the other hand when it lost its equilibrium.
"You American girls are too damn much."
"We're spicy ain' we?" I japed and he laughed again. I loved his smile so much because it made me smile.
"Nah, you're too high maintenance."
I gaped at his words.
"I'm not high maintenance Shawn." I told him with a faint smile.
He didn't say anything back.
"Okay, tell you what." I tried to snatch the ball from him, only to find out that this time he was ready. The smile of success that came from him confirmed that for me. He smirked lopsidedly after he placed the sphere behind him, folded his arms and leaned back.
"Hey!" I protested while trying to reach behind him, but he always blocked my path.
"Shawn!" I shrieked at him, trying to dodge his impediments by stepping from one side to the other quickly, but Shawn was too fast for that.
"What?" he said laughingly.
"Stop this shit." I told him, trying to squelch my smile to appear serious but never succeeding.
"I ain' doin' nothin'." He averred with a mischievous glint in his eyes.
In my desperate effort to get the ball, I lost my momentum and the top half of my body fell on top of Shawn.
"Whoa...I got you." He said, his strong arms wrapping around my waist, making my fall turn into something unexpected. His hot, rugged breaths caressed the bare skin over my shoulder blade and I bit my lip when a caustic spark shot to my womanhood.
I'm not sure what came over me that day, but I brought my lips adjacent to his ear.
"When I see something that I want, I take it." I told him in a low whisper and reached backwards to shove the ball out of its hiding place behind Shawn. I placed one hand on Shawn's shoulder and leaned backwards to see his expression. His head was tilted back and I'd just caught him releasing his bottom lip from his teeth. The moisture on his lip made a hot flash go through me and it was now my turn to bite my lip. I suddenly felt the warmth of his arms leave me and I nearly frowned until I felt the strong hold of his hands on either side of my hips.
"Sometimes," I added in a voice short of a whisper, "I don't even ask for permission first before I take what I want."
A muscle flexed over Shawn's jaw and my simper widened.
"Thing is," Shawn murmured , pulling me back so that there could be space between the two of us, "You can't have everything that you want."
We stared at each other for a long time, my mind spinning in chaos from the way his hands held my hips so steadily; firmly. My hands were both perched on his shoulder blades and I marveled at the hardness of him, fighting down the urge to massage him.
"You have to work for it. Nothing in life is free..." he said and from the smile on his face I knew that he was trying to use my damnable, previous my words against me.
When I didn't say anything, Shawn raised an inquisitive brow at me and added as if to mock me, "Remember?"
Simpering a little bit, I caught a hold of his wrists, reveled in the strength that emanated from them, and then gently added pressure to push them away from me. When I felt him resisting at first and pulling me slightly closer to him, my smirk widened and my heart began to race vastly. Never once taking his eyes off of me, Shawn bit his lip and stood up with his hands still planted on my hips and my hands still enjoying the solid feel of his rock-hard arms. My head fell back so that I could see him, but I squinted because of the drizzling rain that tried to make it's way into my eyes. At that point I didn't give a damn what happened to my hair. When Shawn stepped close enough for not even air to pass through us, he towered me with his tall stature.
And like a dam that had just broken, the rain fell heavily, pelting and digging roughly onto both Shawn and I. The thought of ruining my hair chased itself away when Shawn's serious expression caught me off guard. The smirk that had once so greatly taken over my face instantly vanished.
Letting go of me abruptly, his hands balled into rebelling fists at his sides like it had been a gruesome task to simply touch me. The sudden retreat of his arms made my hands tingle and I placed them on my thighs, staring at him in wonderment.
"Why you fuckin' around with me Beyonce? This a game to you ain' it? The poor boy is yo little play thing so that you can go back to your friends and laugh about it?"
I opened my mouth to protest, but Shawn said something else that threw me.
"You know that I want you too...that's why you're fucking around with me like this right?"
My heart rocketed to my throat and stuck there, rendering me speechless, and my knees melted into gelatin, rendering me weak. I swallowed hard to place my heart where it needed to me, only for it to start thumping voraciously against my rib cage I was just about to tell him that I wasn't fucking around and none of this was a game when he dipped his head perilously closer to me until his lips were brushing my ear. I sucked in my breath and bit down on my lip when my tongue watered at the site of rivulets cascading the side of his neck.
"When I see something that I want...I make sure its bite ain' poisonous first...before I take it."
My body stilled at his words. He pulled back and stared at my shock for a while before speaking again.
"Unlike you babygirl, I'm a lil bit careful with mines..." furling his lips, he watched my reaction carefully.
My lips parted, but I was unable to say a word.
Shawn sidestepped me and went for his basketball. My chest heaved alarmingly as I breathed deeply in a desperate attempt to regain my breath. As he got his ball, I tried to think straight, but it was hard with the way my mind kept on spinning.
Spellbound, at a loss of words with limbs now as languid as ever, I watched his tall, departing figure until it was undecipherable through the blinding rain...
That was the first time I'd ever been rejected by a guy. At first I was confused, then when I went home and thought about it while sitting under the drier, I was mad because he was being so damn difficult, then I got more aggravated cause I had to make my hair, then I returned to being confused, then I started to feel...insecure. And for the first time in my life, it had nothing to do with what kind of clothes I wore, or what kind of expensive jewelery I bought. I was insecure about the way I was with people and how I interacted with them.
Then after a while, I convinced myself that Shawn wasn't anyone special for me to get all hot and bothered for. At that time I wondered, what could he have done for me anyway?
Subsequently to that whole incident, whenever we saw one another, neither of us said a word to each other. In fact, I'd show him how clearly he hadn't bothered me by going out and having fun more. And he didn't seem to give a damn! That's what started to aggravate me the most.
Now as I looked at myself in the bevelled bathroom, I wondered how I had been so bold to ask Shawn the question so ostentatiously like that. He probably got scared of me. The older I grew, the more I understood that he was probably just suspicious of my wanting to be with him after the way I used to treat him. When I look back on it, him turning me down was probably the best thing he did for himself. And soon after I'd learned more of what Shawn's life was truly like, I understood better why he couldn't focus on teenage issues like girl crushes and all those trivialities.
After drying my hands, I made my way out of the restroom and returned to the room where the party was being held at. It was then that I noticed through windows that the heavy, thrashing sound came from the rain that I predicted would fall from those heavy clouds earlier.
The entire party wasn't enjoyable to me for obvious reasons. Watching Shawn and Stacey laugh and talk like the old-high schoolers they used to be killed me slowly inside. Whereas I didn't want to look, curiosity got he best of me and I'd end up watching them with an envy that left me so emotionally drained that I'd become physically tired.
Now that he knew what I did for a living, I felt even more uncomfortable. Anytime he accidentally glanced my way, he would quickly turn away as if I was nothing but a stranger to him and it hurt me excruciatingly, but I accepted it nonetheless.
I spent most of my time at the party in isolation, but not of choice. I knew no one and nobody knew me. I actually liked not being bothered except for the occasional men who would waltz up to me and try to spin off a conversation that eventually led to them asking me for my phone number.
At last loneliness began to annoy me and I started searching for Angie. I even made my way downstairs, only to find Shawn helping Stacey put on her coat. They didn't see me as they left. With a heavy, but broken heart, I walked up to the window to view Shawn walking away with a girl who I'd once swore would never get him until they were no longer distinguishable in the heavy downpour of rain.