Some Day One Day

58

"I think it was for the best." I said after nearly an hour of us just lying in each other's arms, our legs tangled comfortably together. The sheets were strewn recklessly about our bodies. My side was snug against Shawn's and I often shifted my leg to get a feel of his toned muscles. My hand dreamily trailed down his lean stomach, and my head rested with comfort upon his sternum.
I could feel his gangly fingers streaming through my locks, the balls of his fingers occasionally caressing my scalp.
Everytime my hand schemed across the left rack of his ribcage I'd make a stop to press my palm lightly in order to feel his heart beat.
That was what let me know that this union of us was in fact real.
"What was?" Shawn asked in regards to my comment.
"Us breaking apart."
The indifference I felt through his chest muscles bunching together was much expected. Arching my neck, I gazed up at his confusedly curled up brow.
"We were too dependent on each other." I further explained and Shawn's eyes drifted from me to the space beside my head as he pondered.
"It wasn't so much the fact that we couldn't live without one another, it was the fact that we simply couldn't live alone," moistening my lips which still throbbed form all the kisses we'd been giving one another, I run my hand down the contours of his of the arm of his that was furthest to me and intertwined our fingers together. I raised them in the dim room and marveled over their anatomy as I rubbed my thumb against his knuckles.
"During these past few months—years, I've always wondered why it happened. Why did we have to fall apart so tragically? Then when I was sitting here," I gulped hard and shut my eyes briefly, recalling the personal struggle I'd experienced before sighing heavily, "It all hit me. That time, wasn't the right time."
By then he was relaxed, which encouraged me to carry on with my sudden enlightenments.
"I remember once you'd told me, when we were younger, we were talking about our old History teacher and how everyone in town saw him resort to alcohol after his wife left him. I remember everyone, well at least most people thought he was weak. And I remember me and you discussing it and how I started to agree with everyone else—but you told me even the strongest man publicly and internally has a weakness—fear. Everyone fears something.
"I think you and I were scared Shawn. I didn't have a reason to be because my life had always been predictable...until you came along. I always knew what was around the corner—safety. But I guess since you came along I was scared that life wasn't what I thought it to be anymore. You, you'd been through so much that had shown you life isn't a given sheet with procedures. It's an experience. Usually when you experience something, you don't really know what's coming ahead. I think we were both looking for safety in one another. Not that it's bad...it's just not good."
"Why?"
"Because when you try to find a veil in someone else, you start limiting yourself to that person. Don't get me wrong, love is about compromise and meeting someone halfway, but I think somewhere along the way...in the midst of falling in love, we lost ourselves. We lost our self worth. You lost who you were and I lost who I was trying to be. The way you had so many goals and you were willing to drop them to be with me. At the same time I'd never really had any direction and after finding you I didn't care to find any," I added with a contended sigh and nuzzled him, "And we became individuals. Even though I think your soulmate makes you whole, I think we were able to realize that loving a person doesn't mean thinking you can't live without them. When you're truly in love with someone, you learn to live—period. Because their eyes become your own...and the reason why I stopped with my addiction is because I tried for once to see life through your eyes. And it kept me going on..."
After my heartfelt speech we fell silent.
"It hurts though, doesn't it?" Shawn asked after a while of deep contemplation. I began dusting light kisses on the smooth plane of his neck.
"What does?" I whispered before applying my tongue feather-lightly.
"Loving someone, like this," his voice had grown gruff, "till it hurts."
"I wonder why though." I'd slid on top of him, my hands flattened on the bed on either side of his flank as I loved his neck. Shawn's fingers raked my strands as he cupped my head to draw our faces close together. Our lips melded and our tongues made slippery music as they caressed each other.
Once we pulled back I was heavy lidded like he, breathing heavily with lust. One of Shawn's hands traced the frame of my face before dipping further to cup my breast. Jolting electricity sparked from my already aroused nipple, sparking to every corner of my body. Moaning my sheer bliss, Shawn drowned the sound with another maddening kiss that stole my breath. When we pulled back, through the dark net of early morn that cloaked the room, I could detect the dilation in my lover's eyes and smiled with endearment for him.
"It wouldn't mean anything if it didn't." he finally answered the question, tortuously whisking the pad of his thumb along my erect nipple. Heat rushed to my throat and the the place where my thighs met.
"How else do you think people know when love is real?" he asked in a gruff whisper, his hand leaving my breast bereft before infusing pleasure in the moisture that had began in between my thighs. Effortlessly he slid up the wet channel of the place he'd lived in all night, making me gasp at the tidal wave of pleasure that swallowed me.
Making me purr as he slid in and out of me, I buried my head in the crook of his neck, my fingers now clasping tightly around his flexing arms.
Withdrawing his finger from me in a soft suckling sound, Shawn then grasped my hips, hefted and suspended me steadfastly. In one swift, smooth heavenward pelvic thrust he'd replaced his finger with something much more filling and exhilarating, cutting off my circulation of breath as I adjusted to the sudden mixture of pain and pleasure.
Lowering his eyes with unintended lewdness, he settled back against the mattress, released his bottom lip from his row of teeth and slurred in an answer to his own question.
" It's the pain that lets you know it's true."