Some Day One Day

42

Sitting at the far corner of the couch I'd occupied, I smiled stiffly at their suspicious expressions. It was when I sat down I saw that Shawn was no longer following me like I'd presumed.
"Where Shawn at?" Ojay asked from the chair he sat at, elbows on knees and fingers loosely holding a beer bottle.
"I don't know. I was just with him a few seconds a-" I was cut off when I saw Shawn walking into the living room with measured steps, downing his can of beer. From the way his neck was arched far back, his throat shifting up and down, it led me to believe that he was finishing the last content's of the beer. Oh lord, this fool had gone to get his beer and not only that, he'd gotten another opened but full one in his other hand. Heaving the empty can heedlessly onto the coffee table, Shawn ignored Angie's sassing him about littering and took the couch where I sat. Slumping at the other end of the couch, Shawn made himself comfortable. I envied his placid, languid comportment as opposed to my turbulent and discomfort.
"What have you guys been up to?" Ojay asked with a teasing smirk that I cursed him for and Angie simply smiled at the two of us admiringly. Feeling Shawn's eyes on me, I glanced his way.
"Talking." Shawn murmured tersely before pressing the tip of the bottle to his lips, tilting his head and taking a few gulps. .
"About?" Angie wanted to know.
"Fucking." He spurted impenitently.
I was surprised my face didn't wither to ashes from the way Shawn's obscene words made me cringe with stigma.
With a slack mouth, Angie gaped at us and Ojay laughed softly at his friend before muttering, "Word?"
"Word." He said with a certainty that grated me.
"Nice to know that things are going great with you guys." Angie said with a laugh, bending over from her chair briefly to give her dog a loving pet when it had tottered over to her with a jingling collar and sat beside her leg.
"What ya'll muh'fuckas up to?" Shawn asked lazily, his head careening slightly as he asked.
"Shawn lay off on the cursing." I riled him and he swung his gaze to me, lolling his head as if it was too heavy to keep up.
"My bad...boss lady...what you finna do..." his full lips lifted into an indolent unrepentant smirk, his eyes finally landing on my face after roaming around my body, "punish me?"
Even under the nerve-wrecking circumstances, I had to fight the urge to smile. He was adorable to me at the most awkward of times.
Luckily Angie's answer interrupted what would've been a small playful argument that who knew would've led to what.
"Nothing really. Chillin'." Angie answered with a bored shrug and Ojay answered with an absent-minded nod as he pensively focused on the dog. I could just read his thoughts-he was probably thinking of how much he had come to hate that poor dog and how he wanted to get rid of it.
"Aye why'd Erving come out here mad. Said you were trippin'. I told you you had too much to drink nigga." Ojay told his friend before carrying the beer bottle to his lips.
"Man that herb tried to get buck with a nig'. I wasn't feelin' that shit."
"I just love how the hood comes out of you when you're drunk. Shame on you boy." Angie said, picking up the dog and placing it gently on her lap to pet it endearingly.
Shawn shrugged uncaringly.
Propping his timberland boots covered shoes along the edge of the coffee table in front of us, Shawn eased into the couch, his hands splayed eagle-ward on the couch.
"So Angie," he began in a casual manner, hitching his chin towards her, "What's yo favorite position?"
"Oh my god." I muttered under my breath in mortification, staring at Shawn in abundant disapproval. Angie cackled into laughter and Ojay regarded her with a curious smile lurking his lips, obviously catching on to Shawn's heckling demeanor because he took no offense to the question.
"Um, that's only for my boo to know Shawny." She told him saucily.
"That's coo, that's coo. I know her favorite position." I heard Shawn say and for some dumb reason I thought that he might've been talking about someone other than me. When I turned to look at him, his smoldering gaze like he was ready to pounce on me at any moment and devour me wholly was fixated on me.
With flushed cheeks, I turned away from him, looking at Angie through a thinly grim mouth while she laughed at the predicament that I was in. Ojay's soft chuckles were like added coal to a burning furnace.
An emphasized nodding from the corner of my eye caught my attention and I foolishly glanced to my left to find Shawn bobbing his head at me exaggeratedly with a knowing, proud smirk like he'd just received an award as he drawled "You know what I'm talkin' bout..."
Blushing furiously, I bit my lip and looked the other way in utter horror. The nerve of him to say something like that!
Peals of exuberant laughter escaped both Angie and Ojay and I wanted to cut them at that moment.
"Will you shut up!" I hissed at him and he simply smirked at me.
"Yo Shawn, you even know what the fuck you sayin' dawg?" Ojay asked him laughingly before taking a large swig from his beer bottle.
Unashamedly, Shawn leaned forward resting his elbows on his knees while running his hands over his shaking head, and speaking in a blur "Hell nah nig'...I'm fucked up."
While Angie and Ojay burst out laughing I could only stare at Shawn with a small smile. We all then talked and laughed and my heart stirred warmly at the familiar feel. I felt like I'd turned a few pages into my past and was reliving every joyous sensation that I'd felt back then.
With his new beer in tact Shawn's drunken state went from bad to worse. When I'd once tried to stealthily snag the bottle from him he'd had a hissy fit and I knew that it was futile for me to even attempt to get it from him any longer. He held it close to him like he was its captor with no means of letting go until the bottle was devoid of any contents.
He was being loud, making jokes left right and center that Angie and Ojay laughed at but I only smiled to. How I'd gone four years without him in my life I wasn't so sure. I was reminded of how much I'd missed him, reminded of how lucky I was, and once again reminded of how foolish I'd been to let someone like him go.
My face contorted in confusion as Shawn shifted to a supine form along the couch that consisted of his head resting against my lap. Rubbing his head briefly with a wince, Shawn sighed heavily before draping his forearm over his shut eyes while his other hand went beneath his shirt to rest over his stomach. I was about to ask him what he was doing there but I liked the weight of him on me and swallowed any words that were set to leave my mouth.
At that very moment, we heard soft thumping from the stairs and concluded it as Marissa when we saw her walking up to the table where Angie and Ojay were. Waving at us, I waved back and watched her sit with them. For some reason a part of me wished she would've slept the whole night through where Shawn and I would have an excuse not to bring us with her home. Then I felt ashamed for holding such thoughts, deciding that it was good she had fallen asleep.
As they all branched off into another conversation, I glanced down at Shawn and reveled in his smooth brown skin and perfectly cut goatee. I longed to trace my fingers along the facial hair that screamed at his maturity and masculinity but somehow managed to tame myself. Upon staring at him keenly I noticed faint shreds of grimace on his face that worried me.
"You okay?" I asked him quietly.
"It hurts." He murmured, grimacing as he rubbed his head before tucking that one hand behind his head. I frowned at him, nonetheless still amazed at how good he looked simply lying on me with his eyes closed.
"Where?" I gently pushed his brushed his hand away from his forehead and blanketed it with my palm to fight it clammy and tepid, "Your head?" I asked curiosity and worry at their highest.
When Shawn simply shook his head with a frown that I found to be adorable yet sympathetic, I asked him more.
"Your leg?" my fingers landed on his thigh with a light cautious touch, my frown deepening as I remembered his DVT.
"No."
"Then where?" I asked, baffled by his unclear communiqué only to fold my arms feeling nettled, "See I'd feel sorry for you but you put yourself in this position."
"You gon' fix it Beyonce?" Shawn asked me instead, eyes drilling me questionably, voice uncharacteristically needy. There was an emotional connotation to his words, a hopeful yet painful tone that made my heart swell before rocketing to my throat and getting jammed in there. Something told me he wasn't talking about his headache. My lips parted and I didn't know what to say.
For a long time I sat there, feeling all sorts of emotions drafting from confusion to love rounding all the way back to the ever so infamous pain.
Swallowing hard, I bravely reached up and placed my hand towards the left of his firm diaphragm, where his heart thrummed steadily in the palm of my hand. Shawn's dark brown pools of pain never left mine.
I stared right back with a mirrored expression.
"I'll do the best that I can," I whispered then bit my lip hesitantly before continuing, "You know I don't mind taking care of you..."
Shawn's expression remained as unchanged as the river beneath our Brooklyn bridge on a windless night. He didn't believe me, and I didn't blame him. Words were empty when it came to Shawn and I. Empty and hollow.
The only way he'd ever believe me again was if I showed him...and that was something I'd have to work sweat, blood, and tears for.
If only I could tell him I was willing to do that and more; give my life if I had to.
Dropping his gaze from mine, Shawn stared at my hand, which resided like a roof over the remaining debris of his shattered heart. It was as though it was there to shelter him from the heavy downpour of blackened cursed rain that had befallen us for so long.
Removing his hand from behind his head, Shawn held my left hand and examined it thoughtfully. I shivered from the electric effect I had from feeling his rough hands against mine, which were just as rough too from all the manual work I did. Shame that seemed like an endless aspect of my life struck me. Whenever our hands touched, mine had always been soft and he'd said he'd loved that about me-said it made me seem so untouched and unharmed from the world and its harshness.
I remember that night when we'd lain by the fire and he'd promised to keep me that way for as long as he could. Now that things were different because of time's interjection with all its tides of obstacles would he keep me as I was right now?
"So...so where the ring at?" asked through heavy lips, his thumb and middle finger kneading the fourth finger of my left hand in a rhythm that I found to be delicious and hypnotizing.
Despite the wonderful effects of having him touch me, my shoulders sagged at his question. He just wouldn't let my marriage to Lee go.
"I told you Shawn I'm not wearing that ring anymore..." I told him a bit peevishly and his disturbed eyes shot up to mine with surprising offence.
"Damn, so it's like that huh?" he shook his head mirthlessly with a faint scowl on his face as he tried to sit up with abruptly despite his overwrought state, "That's fucked up Beyonce."
I opened my mouth to protest in confusion but was suddenly cut off when Shawn suddenly groaned and winced in what seemed like pain. Such a swift moment for his drunken self probably had him in such a state.
"Look at you Shawn you're a mess," I reprehended as a mama bear would her hurt cub, "I'm taking you home."
"Nah. I'm fine. Imma be straight iight. I can take care of myself...don't worry about me." Shawn refused through heavy slurs as he cumbersomely pushed himself to the edge of the seat and barely made it when he tried to stand up. Without so much as a thought, I'd rushed to his side and allowed him to heave all of his heavy weight on me by slinging his arm over my shoulder and straining myself not to yield to the bulky pressure of his entire body as he rested on me for support.
"Whoa...you iight man?" Ojay had stood up and made his way across the living room, ready to help his friend from capsizing over the glass coffee table in front of him.
"What's wrong with Shawny?" Marissa asked with a confused frown, eying us all.
"He's drunk." Angie answered directly and both Ojay and I shot darts at her that hoped she would keep the hell quiet.
I expected Marissa to ask what the word drunk meant but she remained taciturn at the dining table where she sat.
"I'll take him home." I told Ojay as he assisted both Shawn and I by taking some of his weight on the other side and helping him walk.
"Yo...what the...wha...yooo my feet...what the...why are they so heavy?" Shawn asked in a daze, marveling over his drudging feet with a droopy head.
"Yeah he's far gone." Ojay muttered what we were all thinking.
"Aw man..." Shawn began suddenly, "I love you guys you know that?" Shawn averted his sloppy gaze from Ojay and I as we helped ease him out of the living room. Angie had helped Marissa gather her belongings including Shawn's jacket and opened the front door for us when we got there.
"Ya'll are like...like my family yo...the only true family I ever had..."
At Shawn's reckless eruption of his truest emotions, both Ojay and I glanced at each other simultaneously with frowns enough to fill up the world and then some. Lowering my eyes sadly from his, I reached into Shawn's pocket and shimmied out his car keys.
A bitter cackle of laughter popped out of Shawn as we walked him to the patio, "What the fuck am I talkin' about man? I should know better. It's only a matter of time before ya'll leave just like everybody else..."
"We're not going anywhere okay Shawn?" Angie murmured softly as we descended the porch stairs.

Shawn snorted haughtily, "Fuckin' liars. Why ya'll got to lie? Huh? You think it's gon' hurt my feelings or some dumb shit like that? Fuck dat...ya'll need to be straight with a nigga yah dig? Be real with me yo...Rather get my feelings hurt than be lied to."
The words struck a cord. Hard, making it vibrate to ever nuance of my body. I remember when he said those words...he'd told me those words when we barely even knew each other.
"I know ya'll finna leave," Shawn continued unabated as if this were some casual everyday topic to talk of amongst friends like one would talk about the new football scores over beers, "Everyone has. That's life. But aye, tell you what," he gulped hard, his eyes tired and wasteful as he swung his gaze from Ojay to me, "imma enjoy this shit while it while it lasts though iight? Just warn a nigga the next time around...okay? Good. Appreciate it."
We'd gotten to the passenger's seat, and everyone seemed to stop uncomfortably because Shawn's eyes were squarely on me. He'd shed the limelight on me and once again I was reminded how Ojay would tell me countless times in the past how even if Shawn never showed it, he relied on me for a lot. He relied on me to be the missing pieces in his life. I'd never truly known the responsibility I had being with him up until the day when I told him we could no longer be together.
"Why you got drunk on a weekday, I will never understand. You're gonna have a hard time at work tomorrow." Ojay disquieted the discomforting mood as he opened the car door.
"Man fuck work!" Shawn laughed throatily, "What the fuck do I do again? Whatever the fuck ti is I don't give a fuck. Ain shit changed because of that muh'fuckin' job. Shit changed for you O? Huh?"
"Uh no," Ojay glanced up at us with a small shake of his head as he helped his friend into the car, "Nothin' changed."
Shawn's loud abominable laughter rung uncharacteristically throughout the quiet, haute monde-type neighborhood, pausing us from helping him inside when he placed his folded forearms on the roof of his car.
"Aw man," Shawn muttered after catching his lost breaths, "Look at this muh' fucka. See," he attempted to point a gangly finger at Shawn but even that seemed as heavy to lift as his head, "See, that's why you mah dawg...you funny as shit. The fuck you talkin' about ain' shit changed? You about to get married and you gon' be a daddy. If that ain' change iono, iono what the fuck change is to you man."
Having difficulty at first we helped Shawn into the car, none of us saying a word as we let him rant on and on about his misgivings. Each word was an indirect slaughter to my heart and I don't think Shawn even knew what he was saying. No one could say anything. Hell, even Marissa was surprisingly taciturn in her own space. Throughout all the blasphemous words she didn't try to strike obedience to him because somehow, she knew that her brother wasn't okay. I guess it's because her intuitions were sometimes keener than everyone else's.
"You gonna be okay?" Ojay asked with his one arm around Angie's shoulders and hers wrapped around his waist, her expression just as concerned as his.
Looking back at the car where Shawn had inclined his seat, rubbing his head with a slight grimace, I nodded with a frown when I glanced back at the couple.
"Take care of him iight??" Ojay asked me next. His words made me pause and when all I did was stare back at him in wonderment, Angie interjected with a nod, pointing towards the car.
"That man right there needs you," her hand returned to Ojay's waist and she stared at me somberly, "He may not act like it. But he needs you Bey."
Angie's words made freeze as an overflow of emotions gushed through me.
I wasn't even on my way to responding to them when Ojay slipped out of Angie's hold and gripped her hand in his.
"See you Friday?" He asked me before him and Angie could depart.
"What for?" I asked in confusion, averting my gaze between the two.
Ducking her head with a sneaky dip Angie glanced at the car and looked back up, speaking in hushed tones as if revealing something top secret, "We're setting up on Friday. Remember the surprise birthday is still on Saturday."
I recalled her telling me about some surprise birthday party for Shawn and I knew this get together hadn't been it because he'd known about this one.
"Oh. Yeah. Okay. I'll be there. Thanks for everything guys." I told them my usual valedictory words, placing one foot in the car.
"You know you ain' got to thank us babygirl. Drive safely-"
"Yooooo...Holy shit! Did ya'll see that?!" Shawn's voice pierced into the night air, startling all of us.
"See what?" we all glanced at him through the driver's side window in confusion mingled with anticipation.
A slow sneaky smirk lifted Shawn's once astonished face and he shook his head unjustly, reclining complacently in his seat-hands tucked behind his head and all.
"Man ya'll are so easy to fuck with. The fuck you whisperin' about and shit for?"
All of us groaned out in annoyance before I cast them an apologetic glance, feeling like he was my responsibility for some reason.
"Goodnight ya'll." I told them with a sigh and they waved as I stepped into the driver's seat of Shawn's darkly shimmering ride.<