Some Day One Day

30

...Fall was weathering away, and the first signs of winter were approaching like a new birth to my hometown. There was something about that time right before winter. Everything seemed cleaner, everything had a brighter shine to it. Everything seemed so new and refreshing.
Including my relationship with Shawn.
My new relationship with him was the highlight of my life in that it brought so many changes that I hadn't seen coming in the past. Friends weren't so much friends anymore, but for the first time in my life I didn't care whether I had them or not because I felt I had all that I needed.
I started seeing beauty in things and people I'd never expected. Surprisingly, I stopped gossiping and keeping my nose upturned to people whom I normally didn't associate with. One with eyes could miss the changes of what had happened to me though, as opposed to a blind man who would only have to hear the kinds of things I said to know what kind of changes had occurred within me. Some things about me were still the same though, like the ingrained attributes I held from childhood. There were some thought processes that would take time for me to overcome.
Some things would probably never change at all.
Around that time, I'd dipped into some modeling that my aunt who worked at a modeling agency helped me get into. At first the thought of being a model sounded so glamorous and dreamy. That's why I jumped at the idea the instant my parents urged me to do it. Their reasons differed completely from mine though. Lately they'd been nagging about my laziness and always going out at all hours.
I guess when Shawn said I couldn't have it all, it was true because where as I had gained some, I had lost a lot too. I wrote a lot more, literally spending hours just pouring my heart out because Shawn gave me so much inspiration that the ideas would gush out unstoppably from my mind through my hand and onto the paper of which I wrote. I went out a lot more, having to sneak out on occasion just to see Shawn. I never told him that I was sneaking out though because once I did and he got a little bit razzed about it, stating that I didn't need to start making my parents doubt me so that they could lose my trust. I became a regular at the garage where he worked, so much that seeing me there was as normal as seeing a pious co-worker arriving to work on time daily. I studied and did homework less because my mind was too far-gone that I almost didn't care. In class, I couldn't focus because I thought about my relationship with Shawn and all the fun things we did, among other exciting things going on in my life.
I was starting to get irritated with the modeling thing because it wasn't the mesmeric life that I thought it would be. It was actually hard work. It also emphasized too much on weight, which made me a little bit self-cautious.
I was starting to hate it and one afternoon right after school when Shawn was thankfully off, I was about to let out my frustrations about it to him.
One of his arms was draped protectively over my shoulder. I latched both of my hands onto the hand that dangled over my breast. We were capriciously wandering through a large retail store, killing time before the evening football game. We were only one game away to the big one—Homecoming. Ever since Shawn and I got together, we were regulars at the game. I found the games more enjoyable to watch now that he watched them with me.
Since the fall temperatures kept on decelerating, the weather was getting a little bit arctic and Shawn had done what I liked to call the 'boyfriend ritual' of lending me his jacket. Oh how it felt as warm and comfy as a baby's blanket. And it smelled of him, which was the greatest luxury of him giving it to me. everytime I inhaled him I got chills through my body because there was concrete evidence that he was right here beside me. I was tempted not to return it to him, hoping that he'd forget I had it and leave it with me for the entire weekend. With my head resting on the firmness of his chest, I warned him that due to the coziness of his jacket, I would doze off at any minute so he'd better be ready to catch me when I fell. He'd laughingly responded to me with a 'I got you'.
Marissa was a few ways ahead of us, ever so lively about the merchandise filling up the store.
"Don't touch the glass." I warned her when she reached out, awestruck by a cream and ice-blue china display.
"It's pretty like you Beyonce." She told me with a Hollywood-worthy smile and my heart swelled.
"Aw thanks girl. You know you're prettier than me though?" I said to her and she smiled again before continuing her stroll.
All of a sudden my walk came to a stop when Shawn's movements stopped.
"What?" I angled my head far back to look at his surprised features. When I followed his gaze my eyes widened in shock before narrowing in embarrassment.
"Ugh." I muttered disgustedly while turning away from the large display of me in an ad for the very store's clothing line.
"Isn't that you Bey?" I heard Shawn say smilingly and refused to accommodate him.
"No."
"Aye Marissa. You know who that is?" Shawn asked her and I shot my hot eyes at him. Marissa stopped inquiringly at Shawn and followed his gaze.
"No," she shook her head before turning around inquisitively at Shawn, "Who is it?"
I was about to tell him to shut his trap but it would've been futile because he wordlessly pointed to me, winning Marissa's gasp. She gazed at the display in awe before turning back to us with starry eyes, her shoulders hiked up with her clasped hands beneath her chin.
"Wow...Beyonce that's you!" she exclaimed and I shifted my glower from Shawn and altered my expression completely with a smile when I faced Marissa.
"Yes. That's me." I clarified with a shameful nod.
We were all standing in front of it now and I could all but look at the modified reflection of myself. It was far too big, emphasizing my features all too much. It made my skin crawl so much that I couldn't afford to look at it. As I turned away, I chancily looked at Shawn to find him staring at the advertisement with appraisal. A warm fuzziness tickled me inside but I tried to remain stubborn and not acknowledge it. He must've felt my gaze on him cause his eyes dropped to mine.
Smiling and completely oblivious to my discomfiture, he drew me closer to him for a hug.
"You look damn good ma." He told me reassuringly before dropping a kiss on my forehead. I was completely unconvinced, about to tell him how I threatened to quit until he told me something that brought my heart's beating to a screeching halt.
"I'm proud of you." he told me, wrapping his arms around me and my head fell back to get a good look at him. His words reflected on his features and as I blushed, I buried my face in his chest and reciprocated his hug. I rarely heard that word from anyone because I never did anything for anyone to be proud of. My parents told me they were proud of me over and over again, but only when they told my sister over her achievements. They'd only said those words to me so that I wouldn't feel left out and forsaken.
And just like that, I didn't feel like quitting anymore. He didn't even have to know that he'd helped me
"It doesn't look like you though." I heard and turned to a baffled Marissa as she cross-examined the advertisement and me.
Instead of getting offended, I laughed at Marissa's innocence and ability not to lie.
"Yeah. That's the art of airbrushing." I explained to her, Shawn and I commencing our walk once again.
"Airbrushing?" Marissa asked with wide eyes like she always did to almost everything I said and I went on to patiently explain to her what it was. After growing to learn that Shawn admired the friendship Marissa and I had, I felt somewhat apart of his family, even though there were a number of secrets from his past that I knew nothing about.
Hell, he was still yet to tell me about the whole hurricane scenario but I didn't pressure it out of him.
It was finally time to go for the game and by then Marissa told us she was too tired to join us so we had to drop her off at home. As Shawn and I walked up the steps to his apartment duplex, I felt him tense the way he always did whenever we got there. His irritation would be at its peak when some random guy called Javon would be seated on the steps. As we walked up the steps, I caught him smirking at Marissa's legs and shot him an angry look.
It hadn't taken long for me to become overprotective of Marissa and with the Beyveté she possessed I was truly understanding why Shawn was the way he was when it came to her.
When we got to their doorstep, Shawn was wearing an uncomfortable frown and I frowned along with him. He always wore that worried frown whenever we were at his doorstep and I couldn't blame him.
His mother's behavior had become much more erratic and strange. In a matter of two seconds, she'd be smiling and the next she was throwing a tantrum towards everyone in the apartment. Poor Jude who was only four years old had to experience her outlandish behavior and once again Shawn had to make sure that he was out of his mother's way. So he'd sent him to live with his uncle and I knew that it pained Shawn because Jude actually looked forward to leaving that place. The moment he mentioned leaving to Marissa, she'd latched onto him and begged him not to send her away because, in her own words, she loved him too much to live without him.
I hated to admit it but once we were in and found out that his mother wasn't there, I was slightly relieved. I was very antsy around her. There were times when she'd blatantly treat Shawn like the dirt on her shoe and treat me with so much kindness it seemed folly. In the matter of months I got to know Shawn, I realized who he was talking about when he said he knew someone struggling with depression.
It was his mother.
Everytime she got a job, she couldn't keep it. All she did was take prescription drugs and I could tell that it was tearing Shawn apart inside, but that was something he seemed so helpless about. In fact, I think he tried to ignore it by overworking himself. Another thing that surprised me of his mother was that she never seemed to be satisfied with anything Shawn did. Then the next moment she'd be praising him and telling him she was proud of him. I could see it in Shawn's eyes that all he truly wanted to do was believe his mother when she did say she was proud of him, but there was an amount of distrust in his eyes I could understand because I felt it too whenever talking to his mother.
After seeing Marissa off and telling her goodbye, I made my way quietly to Shawn's room. The apartment was unusually quiet without Jude's loud, ostentatious self.
When I got to the threshold of Shawn's doorway to find him seated at the edge of the bed. His right leg was exposed because he'd rolled his jeans up to his knee and his foot was ridden of his sock and shoe. He was unraveling a beige strip of clothe that was wrapped around his shin. There was an uncomfortable wince on his face as he uncoiled what looked like a bandage that made me concerned.
"Baby what's wrong?" I asked, walking into the room. Shawn looked up at me shortly and frowned a little bit.
"Nothing." He said concisely and I sat beside him.
For a long time I watched him, frowning whenever he'd grimace or hiss in what was evidently pain.
"Baby..." I said worriedly. Shawn sat up straight and looked searchingly around the room.
"Aye could you get me that black thing off of that stand?" Shawn asked me suddenly and I followed his eyes to one corner of the room. I remembered seeing that metal-looking thing when I'd first came here. I'd wondered what it was but hadn't had a chance to ask, and everytime I nearly did, something else would come up.
Conceding immediately, I got up and got the black thing, whatever it was, from the metal stand. Its weight and texture surprised me. It was bulky with smooth enamel.
"What is it?" I asked Shawn as I walked up to him, examining it.
"Compression stocking," he said as he took it from me, "Thanks ma."
"What does it do?" I asked as I plopped down beside him again, "Did you sprain your leg or something?"
Shawn bit his lip, sliding the black object up his leg like a glove. I felt him tense when he pulled it over his calf.
"No. It's a brace." He said through a strained breath. How had all these been happening and I never noticed? I knew Shawn had a habit of shifting his right leg a lot but I thought it was as normal a habit as me always wiping my hands against my sides.
"For what? You hurt yourself?" I asked, watching as he massaged his leg. I was tempted to ask if I could do it for him but I knew he would only think I was trying to be lewd and unserious.
"Nah. It's cause I have DVT." He explained.
"DVT?"
"Deep Vein Thrombosis."
"What's that?"
"When blood clots deep within the vein." He said, still hunched over as he slid his socks on.
"What? How does that happen?"
"It's usually hereditary in most cases or for people with old age but my issue was different." He said, putting on his shoe now.
"How so?"
"It was an accident." He said now, rolling the beige strip of clothe around his hand now.
"What kind of accident?" I knew I could be a pest when it came to feigning for information, but I loved the way Shawn would answer me regardless and not act bothered about it.
"During the hurricane, I was on the inside holding onto the window cause the currents of the floods were too strong and something hit my leg real hard. I don't know what the fuck it was. But a few days after that there was some swelling on my leg but I ain' think nothin' of it, didn't care to. Two years later when I was lifting some boxes since were still in the process of moving I felt this sharp pain in my leg and the swelling returned a few hours after that. So I went to get checked and I was told I had DVT"
Speechless, I stared at Shawn with parted lips as he removed the coiled strip from his hand and watched him stand up. He went over to his bureau and my eyes widened at how casually he walked like he hadn't been writhing in pain only seconds ago.
"So wait...you said it usually happens to old people or it's hereditary." I speculated. Shawn turned around, leaned against the drawer where he'd just placed the bandage in. While folding his arms and furling his lips, he nodded.
"So you got it from one of your parents?"
Shawn shook his head with a faint smirk on his lips, "Nah. I told you my situation was different. Even the doctor couldn't believe how I got it."
"Up to this day you don't know what hit you?"
He shook his head.
"So is there a cure for it?"
"Nope," he said casually and shook his head, "but there's ways to prevent the swelling and the pain."
"Like the brace?" I asked and he nodded.
"And medicine. And you have to exercise a lot, be active just to keep the blood flowing."
"Is that why your leg is always shaking?" I asked with a slight frown and Shawn laughed.
"At first I used to do it just to keep the blood flowing but it's become a bad habit that I can't shake." He explained, and me with all these questions swarming through my mind, I blurted out the next thing that fought to tumble out of my lips.
"Damn Shawn is that why you're body is so on point? You have to exercise? It's a must?"
"It ain' a must but I mean if I want to stay alive then that's probably something I have to do."
"Stay alive?!" I exclaimed and he nodded calmly.
"There's something called pulmonary embolism. If it blocks the main pulmonary artery, it could get deadly."
Shawn's intelligence had always galled me. It's what set him apart from his friends, and most times I knew he held his tongue because he didn't want to seem like he was outshining them. Hell, most of his friends had dropped out by that point.
When all I did was stare at Shawn, he laughed while shifting slightly.
"Iight. This is basically what it is. If a clot in a vein breaks off, it could travel though my bloodstream and can lodge in my lungs. So if the circulation of blood and the oxygenation is messed up," he shrugged negligently, "then I could die."
I stared at him with a deeply worried frown, "Stop saying that."
"What? You asked."
When all I did was frown Shawn smiled faintly.
"Aye, it usually doesn't happen that way iight? If the blood clot bursts in the vein, mostly likely it'll stay there in the lower leg." I knew that by his tone he was only saying that to placate me.
"What's the pain like?" I asked curiously.
Shawn was quiet for a pensive moment.
"It's a deep, throbbing pain. Like I got a heartbeat in my leg or some shit."
"And so throughout all those years after the hurricane, did you ever felt he pain?"
"Yeah. But I ignored it. Goes to show how ignoring shit will come back to bite your ass later on huh?" he asked with a rueful smile that I didn't return.
"I never noticed you were in pain." I said.
"It's not always there though. I barely have to wear this brace. I'm about to take it off in a minute anyway. It's not that serious." Shawn said nonchalantly.
"It must have been tough though huh?" I asked after a long moment of silence.
"It wasn't that bad. That's why I ignored it—"
"I meant the hurricane." I clarified and Shawn's comfortable posture tensed immediately like I'd just struck him with an arrow.
Licking his lips, he slowly got off the desk, pulling out his keys from his pocket.
"No I'm alive and breathing ain' I," he said rather than asked, "Aye, you ready to go?"
That was all he had to say for me to know that the topic was closed.