Some Day One Day

40

The next time I woke up the exquisitely decorated room was a pale blue. Light sifted through the thinly threaded drapes and touched upon everything that made the room up with a soft, placating light. Sitting up in bed, I searched the room until I fell upon the clock latched on the wall. I was up thirty minutes later than my designated time, which was always scheduled at four o'clock. The reason being that my sleep had been comfortable and undisturbed; a luxury I hadn't had for a while. For an extensive, indeterminable time I sat up in bed as stationary as a rock, allowing last night's events to rush back into me. I let out a shaky breath when I recalled surrendering myself into the tutelage of his strong arms. All my senses awoke when I remembered every place he touched. I hadn't felt that sense of oneness, that sense of safety and conviction in such a long time. That's why it almost felt unreal to me.
Nervous energy convulsed my insides as the rising sun lightened the room with each passing second, making the realness of what happened descend with a firm dourness over me. Despite my day off, I never slept in the way anyone who worked as many hours as I did would've wanted. A mind congested with too many thoughts and worries wouldn't allow me to. Swinging my legs off of the bed, I sought my paper bag with all my belongings. After getting whatever I wanted, I went over to the basin in the adjoining restroom to refresh myself.
Once that was out of the way, I pulled a clean t-shirt over my head with some sweatpants. Due to the chilly morning, the sweatshirt Shawn had begrudgingly purchased for me a few months ago went over my t-shirt. Grabbing my cigarette pack from my purse, I slid it into the pouch of my sweatshirt. I then routinely made my way to Marissa's room to check on her and was relieved to find that she was graciously asleep. My next progression was down the winding stairs with the burning intention to visit the kitchen and quell my hungrily yearning stomach. Barefoot, I trekked over the cold planks of wood built at the foot of the stairs-the entrance of the house. On my way there a light from outside caught my eye and forced me to look. It was the porch light and marring its brightness was the dark outlining of a tall-framed silhouette standing by pole of the patio. My heart skidded and tripped when I recognized that person with their signature wifebeater and black sweatpants. My feet stopped their steps abruptly just as my heart had stopped its beating suddenly, leaving me to watch him with baited breath as last night's happenings flickered in my mind like a slideshow-the bullet holes, our moment of precious rarity in the car, the special time he held me as I cried my pent up frustrations out. My cheeks warmed and flushed with shame at the recollections of my blatant weakest form. Biting my lip in self-loath and resignation, I willfully made my way to the kitchen, using my growling stomach as a reason not to go to him right away.
After brewing some coffee, I looked through Shawn's fridge with the same amount of shame that was always there whenever I did. It oddly reminded me of the times when I was homeless on the street, begging, having to steal from time to time just to get myself by. It was mind-boggling what I'd put myself through, sometimes I couldn't even believe the extremes and measures I'd gone through to survive. Each time I'd brought myself closer and closer to the brink of death. And there was no one I could blame but me and my own shortcomings of the inability to live on my own and fend for myself.
In the fridge I found the all-forgotten fastfood Shawn had purchased for me last night. My face heated once again when I remembered his darkly shimmering eyes and his inviting smirk when we'd talked beneath the blackened sky save the twinkling stars. Pilfering bagged food from the fridge, I smiled to myself feeling warmth grow within me.
Ensconcing myself by the tall stool over by the centered counter, I ate the food which I'd heated shortly in his microwave. Quietly, I sat and ate, enjoying my own personal time. My eyes idly wandered throughout the kitchen as they always did whenever I came in here. A slight twinge of pain twisted my heart when I envisioned my mother over by the counter cooking me a meal while informing me on the town's latest gossip because it was so hard for my mother to keep her mouth shut. Moments later my father would walk in and my insides would well with the same pride I always held whenever he walked in...all I ever wanted to do was make him proud.
I'd failed when he was alive.
I'd failed even further when he was dead.
Gulping the painful knot lodged in my throat, I took my last imbibe of the surprisingly strong coffee and leaped off of the stool, soon tottering to the sink where I cleared everything up. Stuffing my hands in the pouch stitched in the front of the sweatshirt, I fingered the cigarette pack, making my way through the living room and came across those wooden planks at the house's entrance. Looking through the small windows beside the door, I saw the same figure I'd seen before. He was as immovable as a rock-hadn't moved a muscle since I'd left and I began to wonder what had him so riveted. Not entirely thinking with my brain but something other than, I returned to the kitchen, sloshed the remainder of coffee from its carafe into the mug Shawn always used, annexed his favorite flavored non-dairy creamer, and on quaky feet and tautly fingers wrapped around the mug, I wobbled my way to the front of the house.
It was when I opened the door that Shawn finally moved but he was still the least bit surprised-or at least that's how he wanted to portray himself.
For a rare moment we both froze and stared at one another in the quiet morning. There was a look in his eyes that said he still couldn't believe that I was here. I couldn't either. But there was something else, it's almost that he was silently telling me that he couldn't believe that this home was his. Everything that he'd worked for, all the sweat, all the suppressed tears, all the neglected scars...they were ingrained, built in this house he had worked those blood sweat and tears for. Yet, as hard as he'd worked for it, the house was as dead as a graveyard on a rainy night and it made me wonder if he thought it all worth it if it wasn't alive.
Was he even alive? I couldn't see much life in those dark eyes, not to say that he was dead because if he was, he wouldn't have been able to shield what he hid behind them the way he always did.
If he still had the power to hide himself, then parts of him was still alive-the little part that still tried to fight, and the part that told him not to fight anymore. The part that told him not to fight anymore had succeeded last night.
I wondered if it was strong enough to keep on going until this very moment.
So I waited and watched...I waited to see who would be the victor that morning.
"You're up late." He said observantly, his eyes roaming over my bulky overalls with the same heat they'd had two nights ago when I was barely clothed. A hot blush scorched my cheeks as I stepped further onto the patio with light steps, wondering how he could look at me with such lust when I was dressed in such a less than attractive way. Even when I was in shamble, he'd give me the same look. That lustfulness was something he never concealed when looking at me.
It made me feel so...so confused...in a good way.
"I know. I slept well so I kinda slipped."
"Lucky you."
"You didn't sleep any?" I asked him a concerned frown and he shook his head with a faint, rueful smile that made my knees weak.
"Not at all. But I'm good." He said and I pursed my lips disapprovingly, lowering my eyes at him with just as much reproof.
"Hmm. The birthday boy needs his sleep." I said with a small smile as I walked further to him and he squiggled his brow at me.
"What?"
"Happy birthday J. Carter."
"Oh shit. That's what today is huh." He said laughingly and I joined him.
"Mhmm. You need to rest so that you can enjoy it. You do that all-nighter thing too much Shawn. I know you think you're Superman but even he needs his rest. Here." I obtruded the steaming mug of coffee to him and he glanced at it before looking back at me. My heart skipped a beat. Oh God...why did I still get like this over him? All he'd done was look at a damn cup and then back at me...but why did I find that so alluring?
"Take it," I goaded with an encouraging nod, "I know you'll need it. Unless you want to get some sleep before you go to work."
During my various times here, I'd helplessly crammed Shawn's schedule in my brain like a starved predator who wished to know their victim's every move. I was so pathetic but it was something that wasn't in a control that I possessed. Surprisingly even with the tabs I kept on him I hadn't found out anything about him going out with random women...although there was a time or two when he'd asked me to stay up with Marissa and I knew he'd gone to the strip club.
"Nah I can't go back to sleep even if I wanted to." He said as he took the mug from me with one hand and when our fingers brushed I shivered all over. When he gave me a strange look while murmuring a low yet sexy, 'thanks ma' I quickly wrung my fingers together, feeling flushed.
"Is everything all right?" I kept my eyes averted, focusing on the slowly warming up sky with its light colors trying to wedge their way into the top half deep blue of the sky. A bright star was shimmering beside the fading away moon. It was a beautiful sight to see, moreso because of the man that stood beside me.
"Yeah everything's straight." Shawn murmured after taking a meager sip and placing the mug on the bar that ran along from one pole to the other.
"Then why can't you sleep?" it still gave me butterflies to know we were talking so normally like this.
"Sleeping is boring." Shawn said in monotone with clearly unimpressed eyes and when I laughed he smirked slightly before looking off to the dawn, blessing me with his side profile. My womanhood felt as though it had been stroked and all he'd done was look off to the side. I sighed a bothersome sigh, stuffing my hands into the little pouch of my wifebeater again where my fingers smoothed over my cigarette pack. My nerves were anything but serene but I knew a few inhales and exhales of nicotine would put me at rest.
"Hey," I pulled out a cigarette that I'd shook out from the pack in my pockets along with my lighter, "You don't mind if..."
Shawn shook his head with a light shrug and I smiled and thanked him. My face warmed due to the stark knowledge that he was following my every move with unmitigated amusement.
"What do you mean sleeping is boring?" I asked him after exhaling the smoke that I'd inhaled.
"It's not interesting." He supplied.
I rolled my eyes at his lackluster answer but found it endearing all at once.
"So what would you rather do than sleep?"
A slow smirk lifted one corner of his mouth as he hefted his chin and regarded me with a mischievous sparkle to his eyes. He was now leaning his back against the pole with his hands stashed in sweatpant pockets. My insides wavered nervously as I waited for what he had to say.
"What would I rather do than sleep?" he shook his head, his smirk widening with each ticking second, "You might not wanna know."
My heart skidded before tripping over itself and falling to the base of my gut.
"I'm a big girl. I can take it." I said despite myself and he smirked haughtily while turning away and mumbling something almost inaudible to me.
"You ain' a big girl but you sho can take it. I'm surprised considering how small you are."
"Huh?" was all I was able to force out of my voicebox.
Blinking widely, I stared at Shawn in wordless shock. I'm not sure why but something about his words took me to the first time we'd ever made love and he'd told me I was so got damn small...
I then told scolded myself for having such lewd thoughts. He could've meant anything else. Anything but that.
"Hmm?" Shawn raised his brows in innocuousness.
My face grew hotter when I knew he was just teasing and goading me to ask him to repeat himself but I'll be damned if I let him. As low as his voice had been I'd heard him clearly.
"Nothing." Dropping my eyes away from his smiling ones nervously, I turned to the beautifully brightening sky. It was like magic was taking place in front of my eyes. The sight of deep blue mingling into a pale purple and tiding into the warmth of peach, orange and beige was breathtaking.
"You know, sunrise is still my favorite time of the day." The whispered words sailed out of my lips before I could control them. Biting my lip in self-loathe, I waited for him to simply ignore me and stroll off.
"Mine too." I heard instead and shot my eyes to him to find that he'd been staring at me the entire time.
I nearly cowered away from him by turning away, but something kept me posted.
"Why?" I asked him quietly, testily...I think I knew what he was going to say...
Shawn shrugged lightly, looking me squarely in the eye as if he was testing me, "Don't ask me why. It just is."
I knew it. He'd said those very words to me when we were younger even before I'd asked him why he loved sunrise and sunset so very much. That's the moment when my auntie's words of knowing who 'the one' was from when I was younger came rushing back into me.
The engaging almost haunting glimmer in Shawn's eyes surrounding by the golden glaze from the rising sun's rays told me that he knew he'd said what he had purposely.
"It's so beautiful," my eyes faltered and I took a generous pull of my cigarette and exhaled, facing the sunrise once again, "It's sad cause most people don't notice because they're always so...distracted."
God, there I went sounding like an idiot again. Why did he always make me rant like this without even trying?
"Yeah. It's a shame how people take beauty for granted when it's standing right in front of them, huh?" he chortled throatily, "People can be so stupid, letting all those...distractions...get in the way..."
For a long time I stared at Shawn like he was the newly added eighth wonder of the world.
"Yes. Yes that's true." I finally muttered breathlessly while shifting in an antsy fashion, feeling uneasy because of the heady butterflies fluttering my stomach. Even though with averted eyes I could only see him from the corner of my eye, I felt his smoldering eyes roving over me.
I could no longer look at the sunrise because of the connotation he'd just made. Either I was too hopeful or he was truly talking about the only person who stood in front of him. Nervous and irritated because of my untamed nervousness, I tried to interest myself on the leaves that had aimlessly drifted onto Shawn's front steps. With shaky fingers, I lifted the cigarette to my lips only for a smooth brown hand closed over mine, plucking the cigarette from the hold of my fingers effortlessly. My heart stopped. Pushing himself off of the pole, he hauled it to his parking lot without much of a care where it fell, eyes set on me the entire time while I stared at him in shock.
"That shit ain' good for you Beyonce." he said, advancing to me with two laggard steps that had him standing beside me.
The alarms in my body were going off.
"I-I thought you said you didn't mind if I-"
Before I knew it, Shawn's fingers curled into my untamed mane of hair until his large hand caught a handful of hair from the back of my head. Slowly, Shawn pulled thus tilting my head backwards, my heart rocketing to my throat from the intensity of what was going on. With the way my neck arched vulnerably before him, I wondered if he could see my rapidly unsteady pulse. Not sparing me much of a decision and me not putting much of a fight, Shawn craned his head and dropped his lips to mine with no apology inscribed in the kiss. Stiffening into the immobility of shock, I allowed his dexterous lips to mold my lips apart to give way for his agile, ardent tongue to sink into me.
As usual with every kiss that he blessed me with, my mind drifted off into another world of unmitigated desire and bliss. Acting out with my heart instead of thinking with my brain, I allowed my fingers to scuttle over his firm chest before letting them curl into his wifebeater and draw him near. As he stroked my tongue I moaned and returned the favor, melting like a candle in front of a wide hearth of blazes. Both Shawn's hands cradled my face as he maneuvered the kiss with a few tilts of his head, few nips at my lips and a very low, gratifying sexy groan that made me feel wanted.
Just as he pulled away enough for air, Shawn captured my lips once again like he couldn't help himself, like he couldn't let go...
I couldn't let go either.
The kiss continued to grow and grow up until we were both pulling at each other's clothing, trying to extradite them from one another.
That's when the sound of the door opening made Shawn and I spring apart from one another.
Confusion mingled with lust clouded Shawn's eyes and I was sure mine held just as much haze. His lips parted as though he wanted to say something, but no words came out.
"Hey guys...what's going on?" we heard a diminutive, drowsy voice and both turned to find a sleep encased Marissa, rubbing off the sleep from her eyes with the knuckles of her furled hands. My heart swelled at how beautiful she looked. The sunlight's rays highlightened the natural blonde strands of sandy brown hair. Her delicate features were pale from sleep save her cheeks, which were stained a light pink. Her jade eyes flickered as she glanced at us with confusion.
"Nothing." I answered on both of our behalves, rubbing my pulsating moist lips with my fingers. I was still trembling from the after effects of having that man on me.
"I'm hungry. Beyonce you came late yesterday."
"Yes I did and I apologize. Why don't you go start setting up the kitchen so that we can make for Shawn breakfast?"
At the sound of her brother's name, Marissa's face highlighted with a beaming smile.
"It's Shawny's birthday!" she said with unwavering enthusiasm.
"Yep." I smiled.
"Happy Birthday Shawny. I love you." she said happily and I couldn't help but laugh.
So did Shawn.
"Thanks babygirl. I love you too." I heard the smile in Shawn's voice and when I looked at him I found that he was still staring at me while rubbing off the remnants of our kiss from his bottom lip and I nearly jumped in fright. 

"Okay Beyonce I'm going now. Oh yes, you two were kissing. Now it's like old times." she chirped ecstatically, before she left the threshold and went to the kitchen.
Blushing against my own wishes, I slid my hands that were cold from the sweat I'd broken out to into my enormous sweatshirt pocket and trained my head to Shawn's feet.
When he door closed, I noticed that the atmosphere was too quiet but not more than I felt the piercing eyes from the man who stood before me.
"You goin' to Angie's later on today?" he asked me and I remembered then that Angie had asked all of us to stop by some time during the week.
Numbly, I nodded, not brave enough to look him in the eye. My weak insides convulsed more and more with the realization that Shawn was advancing to me, step by slowly measured step.
"Why can't you look at me?" Shawn asked laughingly and I felt my auntie's words flaying me as I threw my head back to look at Shawn but only managed for a split second because my womb grew hot from the teasing smirk I'd found on his face.
"I was...looking at something else. Hey, I'm going to go start breakfast with Marissa-"
My sidestep was cut short by Shawn, his hand was on the curve of my waist as though he was trying to cease me but we both knew the true reason for him doing that was to feel me.
His hand nearly singed through the cotton material of my pants and what scared me was the potent fact that I didn't mind.
"Why can't you look at me now?" his eyes were searching and his voice menacing.
Feigning irritation, I sighed and pinned my eyes to his face as difficult as it was to do, "Why is it so important that I look at you?"
"Cause," Shawn leaned closer with his eyes latched onto my lips as though he had an agenda of his own, "It makes kissing you much easier."
"Wh-" not sparing me a response, he stole my lips with his own and rendered me powerless against the proficiently magnificent kiss that he gave me.
Melting bonelessly against him, Shawn's hands readily held me up by my flanks and hauled me up against him. I clutched onto his sturdy arms to keep me in an appropriate momentum.
My mind was swirling with thought after thought, confusion after confusion as his tongue worked its way in and out of my mouth in a sexual rhythm. I didn't know what was going on but what I did know was that even this all of this was awkward, I liked it.
I liked having the male hard feel of him against my soft supple flesh. I just loved him...everything about him.
Our tongues dueled hotly until they melted together, our bodies fit each and every curve of the other person's, our usually separate souls...for one moment, just that one moment unified into an unbroken bond that if we didn't stop would be incorrigible to break.
Shawn suddenly pulled away from me, gasping for the same breaths I was trying to vacuum into me.
Smirking smugly like a victorious thief that had just succeeded in stealing his pot of gold, Shawn wiped his lips with the back of his hands as he stepped back.
"What...What was that for?" I asked him breathlessly, blushing like I never had in my life and feeling the most effective reaction of his kiss in between my legs.
"Nun'," he gave me that sinister grin one last time before he started to head for the house.
"Just catchin' up on some things."