Some Day One Day

6

I was sitting upright on my bed by the lamplight, with the Bible open atop my lap on Psalms. I always searched for inspiring passages in there that would uplift me and give me hope at dispiriting times when I thought I couldn't go on. I was also reading it while waiting for the sleeping pills to kick in, but they seemed to work.
Trying not to think about tonight didn't seem to work either. Although my headache wasn't as excruciating as before, it still hurt-I think because I was trying so hard to prevent myself from crying. The urge to cry now was far more potent than the previous day, but I wouldn't allow myself to.
Every time I wanted to cry, a chastising, augural voice would constantly remind me that I had no right to feel sorry for myself when I was the culprit for bringing all this on myself. Whenever I cried, even in the secrecy of my own home, I'd feel embarrassed and ashamed.
I guess I had to other companions other than loneliness. Embarrassment and Shame.
I ached all over because I could still feel him. I still felt the hard contours along my side. I still felt his stalwart, strong hand holding me up.
And his eyes...
The distant thumbing of my front door ambushed my bitter thoughts, leaving me to wonder who could be coming to see me. Closing my mother's Bible and shoving it underneath my stiff pillow, I got up from the bed and nervously made my way to the door. I was never too fond of visitors in this area, not because I thought I was above them, but because the crime in this area was maladroitly high. Though the crimes usually involved personal relations-like for example a husband shooting his wife and so forth-they still left me fearful and wary.
My nerves calmed when I saw that it was Ojay through the pea-hole.
"Now why am I hearing that my babygirl is fainting?" Ojay asked with a heavy frown after I'd opened the door.
"I was just really tired." I explained, then thanked him when he handed me my keys and smiled at him when he gave me a disbelieving eye.
"Is the job that difficult?" he asked.
Boy, was it ever. It was a work out and then half. Even the lady who had worked there the longest still got fatigued by the end of the day. I don't think it was a job that anyone could ever get used to.
"Yeah." I admitted and fumbled with my keys, watching my nervous fingers to avoid looking in his eyes since I felt a need to ask him something.
"Shawn doesn't know...does he?" my eyes were averted and my voice was nearly inaudibly with shame. I felt shameful for asking such a question. I felt shameful for having to put Ojay and Angie through my problems with me.
When Ojay didn't say anything, I glanced up at him.
The sad coloring in his eyes told me that I didn't have to elaborate more on my question for him to know what I was talking about.
"No. In fact, he just called not too long ago, cussin' me out."
When my eyes widened in both shock and confusion, he nodded in confirmation.
"Yep. And lemme tell you, that nigga surely does know how to cuss."
"Why was he cussin' you out?"
"Because he wanted to know why you were living here, and why I didn't tell him...," he pursed his lips grimly before adding, "Oh yeah and kept asking me what the hell is going on with you and why you're...like this."
Like this the words lingered in my mind.
"Please don't tell him anything." I pleaded after frowning apologetically at him for having to take the burnt of my issues. It was one thing for Shawn to take his frustrations out on me, but it wasn't right for other people to receive his fulminations. I mentally scolded him for his behavior.
"I wont." He shrugged unworriedly, "It's not my business so I don't have to. That's between the two of you."
I nodded in quiet obedience. He was right.
"Thanks again for this." I repeated my gratefulness.
"You're welcome." The compulsion in his eyes said that he had something else he wanted to tell me, but he told me goodnight instead and left.
I had a feeling that his unsaid words had to do with him warning me not to ruin Shawn's life yet again.

__

"Want some honey?" the silver haired lady, Mama, offered me an uneaten bun when I walked into the break room for the mandatory ten o'clock meeting we had every single day.Mama was the old sage of everyone who worked in the housekeeping department. At sixty-five-she'd unashamedly told me her age-she was the delightful force that everyone loved to be around. Everyone gravitated to her so easily, hence the fact that we all called her Mama. That and the fact that she'd been working in the housekeeping department the longest and was the wise oracle of the happenings at the job.She'd been my trainer when I first arrived, and by the second day, I already knew that I was going to like her. We had our breakthrough when she'd told me that she too had a younger sister called Beyonce, but had unfortunately lost her to cancer three years ago.I knew how it felt to lose someone.From there on, Mama and I hit it off.Mama was the only person that I really talked to. Not that everyone else wasn't likeable. In fact I found it awkward that they were likeable because I was so used to alienation anytime I went anywhere, but I'd received a pretty warm, if not neutral, welcome from everyone. It's just that they were all close-knit with one another, holding conversations of the barbeque that took place the preceding weekend, or so and so's babymama drama. They basically talked of things that I was ignorant of.Still, they were a nice bunch of people and I was appalled because a job like cleaning after well-heeled patrons could make a person very, very mean. That didn't mean they were saints though. I'd been through enough now to who to trust and who not to.Just because they were cordial didn't mean that they were trustworthy."No ma'am." I declined politely with a smile."Hmm," she shook her head, biting into her honey-glazed bun, "Girl you need to eat. With your skinny self."She laughed her lilting laugh, which was so contagious that the most unsmiling person on this earth would be tempted to smile.My smile widened."I'm fine mama." I lied as I took the whicker chair beside her. I breathed out heavily when I sat down because I was anything but fine. This was the third day living in a foodless body. My head was still a land of chaos and my metabolism had slowed to a rate that left me moving painfully slow. I'd only cleaned one room, but had twenty more to go. The average rooms a housekeeper usually got to clean at this hotel were eighteen. So In a silent rage, I'd mentally thought of clawing my supervisor's eyes out when he handed me the clipboard with my rooms listed on it. He'd given me the most rooms to clean out of everyone else. When he'd seen my reaction, he'd laughed and said, 'honey you the youngest one here. I know you got the strength to do it' and walked off gleefully."Go get you some food from the buffet." She advised in her southern accent. It was refreshing to hear something different from us northerners, but northerners were so diverse it shouldn't have been a surprise.I just had a thing for accents and at that moment I thought of Shawn and how his Barbadian accent was completely erased.Mechanically, I pushed thoughts of Shawn out of my head-or at leas to the back briefly, since he'd adamantly refused to spare my thoughts."The buffet? You mean, where the guests eat breakfast at?""They done' eaten their breakfast now," she waved me off before pointing at everyone who walked in with a plate in their hands, "See everyone just came from there with some good ol' breakfast.""How much does it cost?" I asked, knowing good and well that the last form of money that I had I'd given to Shawn. I was thankful that I'd filled up my gas tank the previous morning or else I would've been stranded on the road.Money or not, my mouth watered at the site of plate that passed me by, filled with scrambled eggs, sausages, biscuits, and all the other relishes that make up a hearty breakfast."It's for free girl." She said with a laugh, then bit into her honeybun, her hazel eyes twinkling. Mama was the cutest woman ever."Free?" I tilted my head suspiciously, "Are you sure mama?""Mhmm," she shooed me off with her honey bun in hand, "Go on girl before the meeting starts."Even then, pride could not override my hunger. After making sure Mama saved my seat, I weaved my way to the front door and went to get something to eat.I returned shortly, graciously munching on some bacon that I'd picked up from my plate."Girl that's all you got?" Mama exclaimed and I laughed shyly."I didn't want to finish anything for the guests Mama," I explained modestly, "I'm fine with just this.""Mmm mm chil'. No wonder you so skinny."Her words made me laugh and I commenced to eat meagerly at my little portion of food. The ease of growling in my stomach told me that the food was well received, but I still felt unwell nonetheless.The workers filtered the room and by ten minutes after ten, we were all seated.Lucy, one of the hotel managers, finally arrived. Lucy was most definitely a force to be reckoned with. She was vivacious and boisterous, loud and sanguine. Her purposeful strides contradicted the tiresomeness that reeked throughout the room."Hey everybody!" Lucy said energetically with a beam enough to blind all of us, "Is everyone doing fine today?"A flimsy chorus of answers grunted in response and I found myself laughing. It always amused me how contradictory Lucy's personality was to the rest of us. On everyone's faces I could see the dire need to cuss her the fuck out, but in order to keep their jobs they had no permission to.I happened to like Lucy despite her over the top elation with the world. Her high spiritedness usually transported to me and gave me a little push to continue the rest of the day.As I sat there, I watched the faces of the workers and wondered how they could all be so kind and positive about life, especially when this job only paid minimum wage.The meeting, which lasted for thirty minutes, was nearly over when I started to feel woozy like last night. When the meeting was over, I offered to take Mama's trash and tried to stand up, only for my head to spin."You okay babygirl?" Mama asked. She called me babygirl since I was the youngest one there."Mhmm." I nodded, trying to convince myself more than she. My stomach felt queasy and the food that had once been welcomed tried to barrel its way up my throat. After composing myself, I managed to walk halfway to the door when I suddenly lost my balance and slumped against the board where all the announcements were pinned on."You iight?" a guy who worked in the kitchen called Dreux asked me as he walked by."Yes. I'm fine." I answered with a bleak smile, watching in surprise as he extricated the plate with a glass balanced atop it from my hands."I'll take these. I'm headed to the kitchen anyway." Dreux explained neutrally and I smiled at him and thanked him."No problem." He told me as he walked off.That short moment alone was a stark reminder of how I had been away from the male population for a considerably long time.Upon habit, I swabbed my hands on my hips and progressed to the laborious work that lay ahead of me.Something as simple as wiping my hands always elicited a specific moment from my past...... "I can't believe we're doing this," I hissed at Angie as she stepped back and inspected my hair with squinted eyes, "Do you know what Daddy would do if he knew that I was doing this?"
"Trick please," she waved me off and grabbed a pin from nearby, confining it in between her lip before muffling, " What daddy don't know wont hurt him."
"Angie I'm gonna be in deep shit!" I folded my arms fretfully, wondering what she was doing with my hair.
"Ow!" I screamed when the blunt end of the hairpin dug into my skull.
"Sorry." She apologized remorselessly.
I'd been in my portable drier for nearly an hour and she'd just uncoiled the rollers from my hair, refusing me to see what she called her 'masterpiece' until she was done. I was seated on her dresser stool with my back to the mirror.
"Girl ain' nothin' gonna happen. He thinks you're spending the night here right?"
Since it was still summertime, I was spending two weeks with Angie. The timing was great because her parents were out of town for four good old days during the weekend.
Angie and I were going to a party that Ojay was hosting.
Of course, Derrick knew nothing about it. As dangerous as I presumed he was, I wondered why she was testing his temperamental personality by going to a place he'd forbidden her to. I guess she liked Ojay that much to try something so daring.
I felt like I was in the same boat, trying to test my parent's scrupulousness. My father was very overprotective. He hadn't always been like that though. It started after he recovered from heart attack he'd had not too long ago. Though he was still the loveable father who used to take me to the park every weekend when I was just a toddler, he was far stricter when it came to the outside world now, telling me to make sure I watched myself if I went to the park. One would have thought that after having a face of with a damn near death experience, he would've been much more carefree and open to life and the fact that it had no promises, but his outcome was the complete opposite.
He was obdurate when it came to me and dating and what I did with my free time.
Since the day my father had his heart attack had been the scariest day of my life, I vowed to do nothing that would raise my father's blood pressure.
I didn't want to lose him because of my stupidity.
It was hard though because I couldn't really enjoy myself as much as other teenagers could. I understood that in this day and age, a parent's concern for their child was well understandable, but sometimes I think my father went too far.
"Yeah but if he finds out that I'm going to a party with all those damn boys there, he's gonna have my head on a plate before I can even explain myself."
"That's why you need to enjoy your last hours on earth girl."
I shoved my foot forward, striking her leg until she let out a loud cry of pain, leaving me in helpless laughter.
She swatted me in retaliation before returning to preparing my hair.
She tinkered with my hair here and there, spraying unnecessarily at it until I could no longer breathe, pinning it up and letting it fall when she couldn't make her decision.
Right when I was about to fuss at her to make up her mind, she stepped back with a satisfied grin.
"Perfect." She purred and I pursed my lips at her disbelievingly before shifting until I met the alluring view that was my reflection.
"Angie!" I fingered the ends of my bouncy curls, "Oh my god I love it!."
Half of it was swooped up into a ponytail of neat curls and the rest fell lustrously on my shoulders.
"Aww thanks. But anyway," she said with haste as she smothered coral lip-gloss on her lips, "Let's go."
Biting down on my lip nervously, I tried to stand up and that's when I realized my legs felt like gelatin.
That was the first time I felt a tingle within me. Though it was a tiny little spark, it had so many emotions combusting within it. They varied from excitement of the unpredictable, and fear from that unpredictability...
Damn, I loved it.
Angie and I were at the party thirty minutes later. It was so enjoyable that I could barely contain myself. I watched with envy as girls danced with guys. It's not that I hadn't been asked to the dance floor, but I'd declined because the image of me gyrating on a guy and my father walking in discouraged me immensely.
Somehow, I still managed to enjoy myself and lost all track of time and ended up being out way past my curfew. But like Angie said, what Daddy didn't know wouldn't hurt him.
I was dancing with a good friend of mine when I accidentally bumped into someone.
I turned around to a broad chest, then lifted my eyes and saw Shawn's slightly perturbed expression.
I smiled easily as unexplained warmth filled up within me.
"I finally get you back for that day you bumped right into me without a care." I said, half expecting him to know what I was talking about, half expecting him not to.
Shawn surprised me when he returned my smile.
"You were in my way. I don't like it when people get in my way." He explained focusing his attention fully on me now.
I felt a weird specialness that he actually remembered.
"Well, you're in my way right now, so I suggest you move."
Shawn's smirk broadened.
"You suggest..." he droned.
I nodded.
"I'm supposed to do something because you suggest, Bey?" he cocked his brow at me.
"Well I'm tryna get my groove on and you're just standing around," I said as I sized him up, liking everything that I saw, "wasting space for others who know how to have a good time."
Although his clothing didn't look expensive, they didn't make him look less handsome than what he truly was. He was clad in that baggy attire that I'd began to have an obsessive relationship with.
Shawn simply laughed at my comment.
"Can you not dance?" I asked, cogitating of the myth that thugs weren't supposed to dance but stand up against the wall and watch everyone else.
Or alternatively just stand behind a girl while she did all the work. Same thing.
"Oh I can dance Bey..." He drawled with a nod as he shifted closer to me. My grin widened because the way Shawn said and looked prompted some tempting thoughts.
"So we're getting personal now huh? You've given me my own personal name already? That's real sweet of you Shawn."
He was smiling at me and I was smiling back when a female voice suddenly interrupted our trance.
"Umm, Shawn."
It was then that I looked to his right and saw a discomfit girl standing beside him. She was the one who'd been talking to him that day he was at the school parking lot. Her face was round and she had puny eyes along with lips that were too thin. Her skin was blemished with acne. Her hair was as simple and as lifeless as the rest of her.
No competition, I thought.
Shawn regarded her with raised brows and the same smiling eyes he'd given me. I didn't know what for. She wasn't really much to look at-and it had nothing to do with social status.
"Imma go now. It's getting hella late." She sounded like what the stereotypical world would brand as ghetto.
"Iight then," when he looped his arm around her to hug her in farewell, I was a deep green, sea of envy, "Imma call you when I get home."
Shawn told her and the girl scowled at him as she made to walk off.
"Nigga imma be sleep. Bye." She waved and soon blended with the dense crowd.
"Is that your girlfriend?" I blurted out and when he didn't respond, I looked back at him to find that he was still staring in the direction she'd left wistfully.
Another, unexpected pang of envy struck me.
"She is?!" I sounded much more mortified than I intended.
The shrillness of my voice made Shawn snap out of the daze he was in and he looked at me.
"What?" he asked with a faint smile, finally paying attention to me.
"You think she's cute?" I altered my question, knowing it was stupid but unable to stop myself form asking.
"Who?"
"That girl."
"Stacey?"
"Yeah whatever."
He looked at me strangely before nodding, "Yeah, I think she's cute."
My expression fell.
I knew that beauty was only skin deep but Shawn seemed like the kind of guy who had high standards when it came to a female's appearance.
"You're lying to me."
He roved over my eyes thoughtfully for a few quiet seconds.
I waited for him to cuss me out or simply shake his head and walk off.
"Why would I lie about something like that that?" he asked instead.
"She doesn't seem like your type."
"Oh, so what exactly is my type?"
I assessed his features carefully, smoothing my hands against my hips. Shawn acknowledged my movement before upping his eyes to my face again.
"You're getting mad at me aren't you?" I surmised.
"Nah," he said with a worriless shrug, "Not mad. It takes a lot to make me mad."
"So I can continue this conversation without worrying that you're either gonna cuss me out or bite my head off?" I asked, realizing how ignorant I must have sounded with the questions I'd asked him. I realized it before; I was just recently figuring that I should've kept my thoughts to myself.
I'd never been like that before-one to worry about keeping my mouth shut that is.
A lesson learned and he hadn't even had to really tell me my wrong doing directly.
"Why don't you try at your own risk?" he raised his brow and I felt butterflies flutter in my gut.
The way his eyes sparkled, made me feel a spark within me and that's when I knew that he truly talking about something else.
"I don't think I wanna take that risk," I answered with a sheepish smile.
Shawn scoffed.
"I knew you were a punk," he sized me up like I'd done him earlier, "You look like one anyway."
"Hey!" I shoved him, reveling in the hardness of his arm. Shawn laughed and quickly said that he was only joking.
"Do you like her or something?" I prodded next.
Shawn grinned and as he hefted his chin and stood tall, I realized that his head had been dipped down the entire time that we spoke.
"That's personal information," he walked until he was standing right beside me, having to crane his neck until his lips were close to my ear, "Don't get too personal...Bey."
Shivers went through me when the baritone of his voice generously poured into my ear. As the wonderful sensation went through me, I closed my eyes and savored it, biting my lip when it nearly became unbearable.
"How ironic," I turned around, and watched him, speaking my thoughts out loud to myself, "Tell me not to get personal but make me a nickname. Hypocrite."
Shaking my head at how weird Shawn was making me feel, I started making my way to freshen up in the bathroom when I crossed paths with Derrick. My entire night was suddenly ruined.
Grimacing, I tried to dodge him but he manacled my arm and ceased my fleeing. My eyes darted through the room in search for Angie.
"Sup Beyonce." He smirked with feigned innocuousness as he let go of my arm.
"Derrick." I responded dryly, wresting my arm roughly from his grip.
"So," he shoved his hands into his pockets and looked passed me, "Where is she?"
"She's not here." I responded defensively. Didn't Angie say that he was out of town? What was he doing here? In Ojay's home?!
Derrick's languid features dried into granite and he remained stonily silent. It was blatant that he didn't believe me.
As I stared back at him, I thought of how it was such a shame that someone so handsome outwardly could be so ugly inside.
"Okay." He finally said and rounded me, "Thanks."
I turned around to find him giving Shawn a dab in greeting, standing with the other circle of male friends against a wall. I hated how he seemed so casual, but it was all veneer to hide the truth. What I hated more was how much Derrick was well liked by so many people that they were blinded as to what he was really like. He was good at coaxing people, I had to give him credit for that, and that's probably how he got so many people to like and fear him.
Angie had been one of those people and was innocently lured into what she thought was true happiness, but instead got a world of darkness and pain.
She thought she was concealing her pain up but I knew her far too well to know that things weren't peachy as she tried to make them seem. Now I'd never actually seen him hit her, but my instincts told me that he did.
Hurriedly, I went on with my quest for Angie. Thirty minutes into the party, I hadn't found her, and bumped into an Ojay with a thoughtful frown on his face. The way his eyes darted every which way, I wondered if he was looking for someone too.
"Have you seen Angie?" we both asked synonymously and sighed dismally after the fact.
"I was just with her a second ago." He explained as he looked around him worriedly with his hand frustratingly behind his head.
"Derrick's here." I explained glumly.
Ojay's scowl was so intense that even I got scared.
"What?" he was already livid at the mere mention of Derrick's name. Over the past few months, Ojay's hate for Derrick had swelled greatly.
I think Ojay and I were the only ones in the world who knew how Derrick truly treated Angie.
"The fuck is he doin' in my house? Ain' nobody invited that son of a bitch." he seethed and brushed passed me, his strides quick and ambitious.
Another ten minutes passed and there was still on sign of Angie. I began to get more worried than before. I knew that Derrick didn't have the guts to hit her in public, if he really hit her at all. He may have practiced his possessiveness in the form of words publicly, but never physically.
I was so engrossed and set on finding her that I didn't see Shawn until I heard his voice first.
"You okay ma?" Shawn asked me and I stopped to look up at him. He was standing against the wall with his friends standing alongside him. They all looked at me with skeptical glances but I was too preoccupied with finding my cousin to care what those looks were for.
"Where's Derrick?" I asked Shawn. He looked so good under the dark lighting of the room like that, but I was too disarrayed with Angie's whereabouts to care.
He looked ahead of him thoughtfully to the dancefloor and again his strong jaw line enchanted me.
"I think I last saw him at the kitchen or somethin'," he tilted his head towards one of his friends who mumbled something to him, and then swiveled his head to me with the back of it still against the wall. Damn it, he looked so edible.
"Oh Rick just said he saw him and Angie arguing by the pool." Shawn explained and all thoughts of his handsomeness left my mind.
"Okay..." I muttered to myself and despite trying to keep calm, my heart began to race quickly.
Whenever Angie and Derrick argued, the outcome was never a pretty one.
"Aye, Beyonce. What's wrong?" I heard Shawn ask but didn't stop to answer him.
I stepped out into the pool area and made my way to the poolhouse. I thought I'd struck gold when in the quiet vicinity I heard running water. I followed the sound until I was standing in front of a slightly ajar door. Since I couldn't make much of the tiny slot, I opened the door to find Angie over the sink with her hand towering her face. Blood stained her furled hand, trickling down her arm and dripping into the sink of running water.
She didn't even bother to look up when I'd come in.
I put my hand over my mouth to deaden a scream.
Angie simply turned away from me.
"Angie..." I whispered in horror. She didn't respond and kept her rigid back to me.
With festinated steps, I stepped inside and spun her around by her shoulders until she was facing me. Her eyes were wet and her cheeks were stained with tears, dribbling all the way to her chin and mixing with the blood. I held my breath so that I wouldn't scream again.
"What did he do?!" I rasped, breathing deeply now. For a moment I worried that I'd have to go all the way to her car and get my inhaler from my purse. I turned away from her, frustratingly running my hands over my head.
"Fuck Angie what the hell is going on!"
"Calm down Beyonce." Angie said steadily and I snapped my head at her.
"How can you tell me to calm down! You're bleeding," with shaky hands, I reached for my cellphone from my pocket, "We have t-to call the ambulance. And the police. I think I'll call them first-"
"Don't you dare!" Angie screamed at me with so much ire that I was taken aback. She then lugged my wrist with her left, free hand. She gasped suddenly and let my hand go in an instant. Her reaction made me examine her hand, which was a purple and blue-pigmented bruise spreading from her hand, through her wrist, to her arm. The way she lolled it inflexibly told me that it might have been sprained, or even worse, broken.
"Leave me alone..." she croaked softly, stepping back while resolving to quiet sob. She looked like a little cub that had just been severely beaten, shrinking against the world's maliciousness.
The site made me want to cry.
Her once stylish shirt was now imbrued with patches of blood that made my stomach curdle.
"Angie!" we heard Ojay's voice and Angie glared at me alarmingly.
"Close to the door! Close it-"
By the way she suddenly paused let me know that it was too late. I turned around to find Ojay and Shawn standing by the entrance of the bathroom.
"Holy fuck..." Shawn maundered, summing up what everyone felt and thought at that time.
Ojay stood motionless, with shock palpably on his face. Angie's sobs grew more audible and Ojay grimaced as he looked away, his chest heaving due to his suddenly rugged breaths.
"I'm gonna kill him..." Ojay swore gruffly, shaking his head spitefully. His nostrils flared with the anger that I was sure built up within me in quick seconds.
"No!" Angie screamed, shaking her head vehemently "This is none of your business!"
"Don't even start that shit." Ojay pushed his words through clenched teeth threateningly at Angie. He kept his eyes to the ceiling and I knew he was trying to avoid looking at her because it must have hurt so much. I thought he was going to lose his mind at any given moment.
"Don't you dare start that shit!" he repeated with more fervor.
"Look man let's just worry about getting her to the hospital now iight?" Shawn placated even if I could see on his face that he was confused about everything that was happening. I wondered if he ever thought that his friend was capable of this time of turbulence. He probably still meandered in the dark like everyone else who thought they knew Derrick but truly didn't.
"No. No one's taking me to the hospital. I'm leaving." Angie tried to leave the room but I grappled her arm and stopped her.
"You can't just leave like this Angie! You're seriously hurt!"
Angie roughly wretched herself away until I lumbered backwards.
"Leave me alone!" she screamed at me, making the entire room resort to silence. I stared back at her in hurt.
She whipped around and brushed passed Ojay and Shawn, leaving a bloody trail behind her.
We all remained silent as the shock of what had happened really hit us.
"Fuck!" Ojay punched the air frustratingly and walking around like a madman, "Where's that son of a bitch?! I'm about to kill that nigga!"
"Aye," Shawn put a ceasing hand on his chest and stopped Ojay from storming out, "Just figure out a way to get her to the hospital now. That's what you need to focus on right now man...making her better."
"But that #$%^&* is walking around thinking he can get away with this shit-"
"I know, I know. We'll take care of that later. Just go and try to get Angie to the hospital iight?"
Shawn's voice was so smooth and calming that even if he wasn't talking to me, I relaxed just a little bit.
Ojay looked like he was about to cry and I felt for him. The girl that he really liked, maybe even loved, had possibly gotten a beating because of him. Finally, Ojay conceded after taking many placid breaths and left, leaving Shawn and I in the quietude of the room.
"You alright?" Shawn asked me gently, disquieting the air. I was surprised that a guy who seemed so rugged and tough could sound so soft and caring.
"No." I constricted due to the huge lump in my throat while rubbing my sweaty palms against my thighs, "No I'm not okay."
It was quiet after a while and I looked at Shawn shortly.
He was staring at the dotty spoor of blood on the beige colored carpet.
"Damn." I heard Shawn mutter under his breath, voicing my very thoughts when I too looked at the blood.
"What happened?" he asked me next and I kept walking to and fro, constantly rubbing my hands against my thighs. My eyes averted every which way in search for answers as to what I should do.
"I-I don't know. I think Derrick hit her," I slurred distractedly and started for the door, "I need to go with them to the hospital."
"Hey wait." Shawn stopped me by holding my hand like he'd done earlier, letting go so immediately that I hadn't had a chance to truly feel him. Despite my frantic state, a rush of warmth pumped through my veins.
I lifted my eyes to glance at him through the blurriness of my tears.
"I'll take you," he shoved his hands into his pockets, "You can't drive when you're like this anyway."
"No Shawn," I glanced down at my clock and was appalled when it read twenty past three o'clock, "It's way too late."
"Meet me up front okay?" he ignored my excused as he backed up.
With no energy to fight him, I assented.
Both Shawn and I made our way up front, me flanking him as we walked. We were passing through the livingroom, which started to get deserted. I presumed Angie had come through here, so that probably explained why there were a few people staring at us skeptically, but still remaining deferential until one of Shawn's friends stopped us.
"Aye dawg...you seen ol' girl with the blood and shit?"
"Yeah, but I'm about to bounce."
The guy shifted his gaze from Shawn to me and a sudden bawdy smirk lighted up his face.
Shawn didn't seem to notice it. Or if he did, he ignored it. So did I. I was too tired to care.
"Oh...oh iight then." he asked, all the while keeping his scornful gaze on me.
". Imma holla at ya'll later." Shawn said as he walked off. Even after we left, I swore I could've felt that guy's eyes singeing into the back of my head.
When Shawn and I got to the front, we both unintentially stopped at the same time. Ojay was crouched in front of Angie who was seated on the steps that led to the patio. She was crying and he was brushing away hair from her face, moving in to kiss her temple occasionally. Beside Angie was what looked to be a towel submerged in blood.
"I'm so sorry," she croaked, "I'm so sorry Ojay. It was my fault."
"Sshh..." Ojay soothed her and said softly, "It's not your fault babygirl."
"I don't want to bring you into this."
"I'm already into this."
"No. Please," she hiccupped a sob, "Let me handle this on my own. I brought this on myself. Now I have to deal with it."
"No." Ojay said firmly and Angie cried harder.
"Shh..." Ojay cradles her face in his hands, "I don't care whose fault it is. I love you and I'm not going to leave you like that babe."
That was the first time Ojay told her he loved her. I knew because Angie always told me she wondered if his feelings for her were deep in any type of way.
Angie's sobs were more audible this time and the way her shoulders shook cemented the fact.
"I love you too." She confessed despite all the pain that I was sure she was feeling.
My eyes smarted with tears at the site.
Although the situation was so hurtful, it was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen; two people loving each other despite the chaos and strife of life itself.
Then my tear-welled eyes reminded me that I was out in the open and I self-cautiously flung my eyes to Shawn. I met his side profile as he too stared at them with a deep concentration fixating his countenance.
Before he caught me staring, I focused on Angie and Ojay again.
Ojay eventually talked Angie into agreeing to go with him to the hospital.
A warm feel against my back made me reflexively turn to Shawn.
"Let's go." He said and I nodded.
We were in the waiting room in less than thirty minutes. I occupied a chair that was seated next to Shawn's. We both had our arms on the arms of the chairs. The length of my forearm was pressed gently against his. It was some form of consolation for me. I knew it meant nothing to him, but he didn't move away so I guessed that he didn't mind. His other elbow was on the opposite arm of the chair and the back of his hand was in front of his furled in lips. While I watched him periodically through our wait for Angie's prognosis, I noticed that his left leg shook faintly, but made no mention of it.
I just wanted to hear the doctor say that Angie was going to be okay. I mean, I knew that she was because they weren't life threatening wounds, but still.
I guess what I really wanted was some confirmation that she'd be emotionally fine, but I knew that the emotional wounds wouldn't heal as quickly as the physical ones.
"I can't take this shit," Ojay, who was seated across from us, suddenly surged to his feet, "I'm going out for a smoke."
I frowned deeply at him, "You shouldn't smoke Ojay."
"Well I'm stressed," his voice drifted as he walked off, "So I need to."
After he left, Shawn and I sat quietly in the sterility of the hospital. When he hunched forward with this elbows on his knees, I was a little bit disconsolate by the absence of his warm arm, but didn't say anything.
"You cool?" Shawn suddenly asked me and I looked up at him. His eyes were tired. For some reason the site of his heavy-lidded eyes made my heart flip.
"Yeah."
He pursed his lips disbelievingly and slouched into his chair, lowering himself a little bit.
"Why you breathing all heavy like that?" He asked as he pulled his fitted cap low on his face.
"Breathing heavy?"
"Okay. Bad choice of words. Why are you sighing?"
"I sighed?"
He nodded and my cheeks suddenly burned.
"Sorry. I didn't even notice. It's just that I really hate hospitals." I confessed and he chuckled.
"You too?" he asked as he idly watched a middle aged nurse walk by us with a courteous smile which we both returned.
"You hate hospitals too?"
"Mhmm."
"You go first...with your reason for hating hospitals that is."
Shawn shrugged, pulling off his cap and placing it at an angle that hid his eyes completely. All I could see was his the lower half of his face from his nose. His leg was still convulsing but much more lazily this time.
"After the hurricane, I had to be in one for three weeks. I didn't know what the hell was going on. Didn't know where my family was so that made it more frustrating."
"You found them though right?" I asked hopefully.
He nodded, "By the grace of God I did."
"Thank God." I aspired. The corner of his lips appreciated a smile.
"Yeah...what's your reason?" he asked me even though I was preparing to ask him how serious his injuries were. I tucked that in safe keeping for later.
"A year ago, my father had a heart attack. I was sitting in the waiting room about to lose my mind, not knowing if he was going to come back alive or not." It was only then that I realized that the chair Ojay had been sitting in was the same one I'd sat on while awaiting my father's fate.
"Must have been real scary." Shawn said.
"The hurricane must have been real scary too." I commented.
He never said anything after that and I presumed that it wasn't a topic he wanted to encourage. So I strayed away from it into silence.
This go round when I resolved to deep thinking-thinking that left me teary eyed.
"I knew that he was like that." I blurted out loud.
"Who was like what?" Shawn asked after a moment's silence.
"Derrick. I always had a feeling that he was like that." I whispered in a voice thickly layered with tears. I heard Shawn shift and felt his eyes on me.
When the thoughts got unbearable, I stood up and started the ritual of rubbing my hands against my thighs as I walked back and forth on the highly buffed hospital floors.
"I should've said something about it," I began to rumble, "I should've told someone instead of trying to respect Angie's right to privacy. I-"
"Stop that." Shawn had cut me off as he stood up and suddenly took my hands into his. Everything in the world around me seemed to come to a stop-even my breath. His hands were warm and dry to my cold and damp ones. They were calloused and solid to my soft and tender ones. Warmth trickled up my spine before augmenting to electricity and shooting to every corner of my body.
"Stop doing that." He said softly, the simplicity amounting to complexity. He could've meant the way I punished my hands my rubbing them constantly. Or he could've meant the way I chastised myself for everything that was happening.
He could've meant both.
Parting my lips, I tilted my head back and noticed that Shawn's eyes had lifted to mine at the same time. Despite the shadow that his fitted cap cast over his face, his eyes were still detectable, mysterious in their darkness. Our eyes locked and held for a few awkward, yet stolen moments. Quietude descended over us uneasily, and all the while I marveled over how good his hands felt. They were warm, reassuring...strong...unbreakable...
When his eyes faltered and he looked elsewhere while letting go of my hands, I felt like I'd been yanked right out of a dream.
"Umm," I rubbed my hands nervously against me once again, "I need some air."
I confessed and not sparing him a response, hurried out of the lobby, never once looking back.
The only sound from then on were my heels scouring the linoleum as I escaped from the moment that had my heart vaulting and my head dizzy with euphoria.
Outside the hospital, I was greeted with sunrise and a smoking Ojay watching it.
"Smoking is bad for you Ojay." I growled fretfully, realizing that I was suddenly feeling upset about something that had nothing to do with Ojay's smoking habits.
Ojay turned slightly, but not all the way.
"I don't care." He said snappishly. I didn't take any offense to it. If someone that I cared about deeply was bedridden, I'd be mad at the world too.
"The doctor come out yet?" Ojay asked and I sat on the top step of stairs that led to the hospital.
I told him they hadn't. Sighing heavily, Ojay began to smoke again and I found myself watching him with a large frown. They day I consented to smoking would be the very day I died, I thought to myself. I'd seen what smoke did to people's health. Not only that, it was just nasty. Nothing about it appealed to me.
I guess since Ojay was seventeen now he felt like he was man enough to do it regularly. Me being a year younger than everyone else in my grade, I was in no rush to grow up like the rest of them.
When Ojay inhaled his entire cigarette, he informed me that he was going back inside as he flicked the puny-sized cigar away.
As I sat there on those steps, I barely noticed the sunrise because I kept on worrying about Angie. Since her parents were always so busy, they never truly knew what took place in her life. I started to wonder if much worse had happened to her without my knowledge and felt that bitter knot in my throat once again.
"Make a wish. Quick, before it's too late." I heard suddenly and turned the upper half of my body until I saw Shawn standing a few ways behind me. I hadn't even heard him come out.
He was looking towards the sky and I caught a sudden flicker shimmer in his eyes before leaving just as quick.
"Hurry." Shawn pressed when he knew I was staring at him too hard.
"Why?"
"There's a shooting star right there," He pointed when I didn't move a muscle, "Look."
The urgency in his voice forced me to look but I saw nothing.
I wondered if that was the very star that I'd caught crossing his eyes.
I sucked my teeth at him, hoping that he would come sit beside me then again hoping that he wouldn't.
"Thanks a lot...liar." I snarled at him.
"I wasn't lying. If you weren't staring at me so hard like you always do then you would've seen it."
"I don't always stare at you!" I defied, angling my body to one side so that I could see him.
"You mind if I sit here? Or are you just gonna run away again?"
He was looking down at me and I up at him.
"No I don't mind if you sit here." I answered before I could truly think over his question. I just didn't like the feelings he was giving me whenever he was closing to me. I mean, I did like the feeling, but I didn't.
He watched me with a look that said he didn't believe me and I rolled my eyes and faced forward with my hand holding the weight of my chin.
"There you go giving me that look again."
"What look?"
"The I-don't-believe-you look."
"Well what am I supposed to think when everytime I'm merely standing beside you, you get all crazy and run off like a chicken without a head."
I felt him sit next to me, his heady cologne filling up my lungs.
"Stop assuming things about me Shawn." I said on a more serious note.
"Sorry." He apologized, covertly admitting that he did have some assumptions about me.
I expected him to have some sort of retaliation instead, but he didn't.
Shawn's mentioning of the shooting star made me focus on the sky pink-hued sky more than before.
"It's pretty." I commented as I watched how the warm colors varied suavely into the cool colors.
"This is my favorite time of the day." Shawn said.
"What is?"
"Sunset and sunrise. Don't ask me why, it just is."
I noticed that beside the crescent-shaped moon was a lone star.
"What wish did you make?" I asked when the star reminded me of the supposed shooting star Shawn had mentioned.
"Damn girl why you always tryna get all up in my business." Shawn said laughingly and I simply smiled as I stared at the altering brightness of the sky as the sun rose.
"What was yours?" he asked me and I realized the serious inflection in his tone. I turned my head to find him staring at me expectantly.
"I didn't catch the shooting star, so I never made one."
Our eyes held, unsaid words speaking through them.
"Hmm...maybe next time."
"Yeah right. Shooting stars only happen once in a blue moon."
Shawn laughed.
"Someday, one day...you'll see one and you'll make your wish."
I smiled at the way he said it, cause I'd never really heard anyone use that phrase. As commonplace as it was, I liked it.
It had a ring to it.
"Yeah." I turned to the sky again, surprised at how beautiful it looked.
Biting my lip cautiously, I turned to Shawn, watching the star's reflection in his eyes.
"It's crazy how people are so ignorant, because they miss the most beautiful things in life."
Shawn slowly tore himself away from the sunset and stared at me.
Realizing what I'd done, I blushed crazily and smiled shyly while looking forward again.
"The sunrise and sunset I mean...it's so pretty yet people don't even take the time to notice it. This is actually the first time I'm really noticing it. I sound like a madwoman right now right?" I laughed nervously, expecting him to say that I was but when I looked up at him, he seemed pretty pensive as he watched it too.
"I know what you mean," he said instead, ignoring my last rhetoric question.
As I stared at him, I wondered how I had missed someone like this who'd been right under my nose for a while. And I also noticed that the excited twinge I felt earlier right before we left for the party had augmented into something that burned fiercely within me.
Then I thought of what my father might do if he knew that I was merely sitting beside someone like Shawn. I pushed the thought away before it could fully take form and ruin this precious moment for me.
My eyes drifted to the beaming star again.
"You ever heard of the term star crossed lovers?"
"No." Shawn answered honestly.
"That's what Ojay and Angie are to me."
I swallowed hard and my eyes grew wet when the lump rocketed to my throat.
"I don't wanna lose my cousin." I confessed softly, keeping my eyes downcast as I fumbled nervously with my fingers.
"Don't think like that." He told me, as opposed to what everyone else would've said-'you wont.'
I sighed heavily, trying not to let myself cry, but unable to stop the way my eyes welled with so many tears that they threatened to leak.
Suddenly, I felt a warm sensation on the side of my face, at the corner of my eye. The sensation passed and I looked at Shawn who blushed very slightly that anyone who didn't pay keen attention like me wouldn't have noticed.
"Sorry," he faced forward again, "That thing has been bothering me all night."
I couldn't help but smile a smile that thanked him for brushing away my tear before it fell...
...I couldn't help but smile at the peachy glow gracing the sky and the feathery clouds that emulated that color. Its pigment reminded me of what I used to be and what I was laboriously heading towards-soft and complaisant, laid back with a splash of elegance.
Protruding solely from the vermilion sky was a lonely star glimmering strikingly to let its presence; its isolation known to the world.
I was seated outside on the whicker chair after a long day of work. Today I'd obviously finished later than everyone else because I had more rooms and was moving slow at that. A lit cigarette was held firmly by my two fingers as I smoked the stress of the day away. The sudden sound of the door interrupted my complacent moment and I heard Boston, my manager, sigh at me.
"Why did I know that I was gonna find you here. You better go home girl."
I dangled my head at him and smiled as I brought my cigarette up to my lips.
"I'm leaving. Gimme a minute." I inhaled generously on my cigarette and blew a tunnel of smoke, reveling at the relaxation it brought me.
When the smoke thinned out of my view, I stared out into the picturesque horizon again, zeroing in on the gallantly, unashamedly beaming star. I found myself wishing that I could one day possess its boldness and be brave enough to go out and achieve the dreams that I'd once had.
I had a long way to go though.
But someday, one day...I'd get there.
Eventually I stood up, got my belongings, and trudged to my car, wondering what I was going to wear to the prewedding party as I had done since Angie had mentioned it.