Some Day One Day

13

I was jumpy and a little bit paranoid when I walked onto the school grounds come Monday morning. The building was still monstrously large, the sky was still the gleefully blue color it had been for the preceding weeks, and students took their self appointed commissions like normal.
Everything ran as usual and on schedule, but I felt like an entirely different person. Strangely, I was more self cautious, but not in the ways that the majority would presume. I still dressed the same, which was always in a way to impress. I still held the same confidence when it came to strutting across watchful glances.
It was just...I don't know, it was something else. I'm not sure, but I knew it had to do with something from deep inside of me. It had nothing to do with Shawn or who he was.
It was me. Something strange was happening inside of me—almost like a change morphing within me and me feeling it in action.
With each step that I trekked, my heart multiplied that sound a thousand times more until the pounding of it was all I could hear in my ears even through the heavy chattering of early bird students.
It was the heart beat of anticipation.
I wanted to see him.
I couldn't wait because I hadn't seen him since Saturday evening—only one day. And I hadn't talked to him at all on Sunday because when I called, Marissa had answered the phone with the news that he wasn't around. Marissa and I had branched off into a conversation of our own when she continuously asked me questions that kept me on the phone. I wasn't bothered at all. It was nice talking to her. It was nice talking to someone who was guileless and honest with everything that they asked.
I didn't have to worry about what she thought about me because she told me honestly, right off the bat.
Not talking to Shawn had been so hard for me that weekend. After the kiss, Shawn and I had sat in the dark, consumed by it until we lay as one in it. The darkness that spawned us awarded us more comfort with each other because we couldn't see the world—we couldn't see the exterior of each other, which had acted as some sort of blockade, separating us from one another. We were separate from the very world that separated us and that gave us substantial room for truth, leaving room for nothing else.
We talked about what had just happened and what was going to happen. I knew he was still a little bit uncertain, but at least he was willing to give it a try. To give me the chance that I had to pilfer from him with that kiss.
It being the weekend, I'd gone up to the garage the previous day, unable to keep myself in the house. All I did was think about him and the kiss we'd shared and everytime I thought about it, I swear I felt him in every sense of the word. Thinking that I'd lose my mind if I closed my eyes and saw his handsome face in the abstract luminance of the moonlight and darkness one more time, I helplessly hightailed to the garage unannounced.
He was surprised, miffed even, and I could tell he was swallowing his words by the way his jaw muscles knotted as I walked over to him. His coworkers watched agilely. It made me self cautious because for the first time in a while, I felt out of place. Almost like I didn't deserve to be there. Even the way Shawn looked at me with discomfort didn't deplete my growing anxiety. I could understand why he'd be a little bit uncomfortable with me showing up though.
He wasn't used to it. And I wasn't either...but I liked it.
Eventually his fitfulness wore away and he let me stay and watch him even though time and time again he still asked me if I was sure I didn't want to go do something else.
I didn't want to do anything else.
That particular morning, I never felt the need to stand around with my friends. My mind was too preoccupied with other affairs that I didn't want to talk to them about.
The only one who knew what happened since I could all but keep it to myself was Angie. She squealed and grabbed me for a breath restricting hug, the happiness shimmering from her a reflection of how I truly felt deep down inside. Upon my news, she started to ramble on and on about how being in love was the greatest thing ever and I told her to slow her role. I wasn't in love and I knew it. She was just being her over-hyperactive self.
Still, her comment about love prodded me to ask her a sudden question that I never intended on asking.
'How do you know you've met the one?' I asked her, not at all trying to make any connection with Shawn being 'the one' for me. Now I may be a sap for love and wanting it so bad, but I was smart enough to know that I was too young to be looking for 'the one'. In fact, I didn't believe that anyone in our age bracket could fall so deeply in love and find the one that early, but then I saw Angie and Ojay and concluded that they were an exception.
After all, they were starcrossed lovers anyway. They had that one of a kind type of thing.
Angie thought for a little bit before answering me at a different tangent other than the one I expected.
'You know something really strange? I asked Mom that exact same question once. I asked her how she knew Dad was the one.' She had said in a woolgathering tone that made me smile despite myself. Angie's parents were that type of couple that you look at from the stands, wondering how they'd managed. They were highschool sweethearts, run off and eloped at sixteen and up to this day, were still together.
'What did she say?' I had asked, the fervency of my curiosity surprising me.
'She told me that she asked Dad this question that nobody else ever understood when she asked them. But when she asked Dad, he understood her perfectly and answered her. That's how she knew. And you know what? She didn't even tell me what the question was...her stingy ass. I think she was just talking crap cause when me and Ojay talk, there's the Great Wall in between us cause the nigga never understands what I'm saying. I try to get deep and then he'll look at me all crazy like and ask me if I'm crazy. And I'm like, what do you mean I'm crazy when you're the one looking at me like a confused baboon? Here I am trying to get on a deep, intellectual level with you and all you can ask me is if I'm crazy...'
I'd managed to tune Angie out when a bizarre spirit-like phenomenon flourished within me at the first portion of her words. I'd asked Shawn a question that I hadn't asked anyone else, on more than one occasion, and he'd answered honestly, forthrightly...
After a while, Angie asked me with a strange expression, 'What? Sorry, I need to stop this habit of talking about Ojay all the time. I know it's annoying. He just fills up my mind too much. You just wait, you'll be thinking about Shawn nonstop soon and I won't hear the end of him.'
'Huh?' I muttered, slumping out of my daze and shaking my head, 'Nah it's cool.' When she shook her head wanly, I gave her an encouraging smile, picking up a strawberry from the bawl they were in the kitchen we sat in, 'Really, I love hearing you and Ojay's crazy stories.'
I truly did, so for the mean time, I'd use her recital of those allegories as a scapegoat for me not to read too much into what my auntie had said about knowing she'd found the one. Everyone's realization of love for another was unique in its own way. And I knew that it would probably be years before it dawned on me that I had feelings for Shawn that run that deep. A fleeting, bothersome thought crossed my mind with the question of whether we'd really last for years, but I chose to ignore that too.
Now as I walked through the school, I never saw him with his crew at the locker they usually harbored, slightly discouraged but not deterred. Eagerly, I continued my purposeful strides down the crowded hallway, sifting through busy bodies.
Passing by my friends, I waved at them a fugacious hello and tried to dismiss their perplexity but to no avail when Tatiana spoke up, nudging my upper arm to halt me more effectively.
"Hey." I told her, trying utmost to keep sourness out of my tone. I had yet to forget her atrocious act from a few weeks ago. Since then our friendship was strained and nothing seemed to flow as smoothly. It disgusted me relentlessly to know that I'd been a mirror image of her at some point and time in my life. It took me looking at her treat the sister of someone I cared about with unworthiness for me to realize that I had been just like her at some point and time. It was innumerable how many times I'd shamed myself for that.
"Sup with you?" she gave me a scrutinizing once over while smacking her gum in a boisterous way to conceal her true lack of confidence.
"Nothing much. You?"
"Chillin'," the corner of her lips lifted into a smug smile, a sign that she was already throwing pleasantries out the window, "What's good with you and Shawn?"
My gut fluttered and a strong flare made me convulse slightly. I was still in a foggy mist, still in 'lala' land, still trying to persuade myself that all of this wasn't just one of those many dreams I was notorious for having...
When I said nothing, she continued.
"I saw ya'll all hugged up on the bleachers."
Unintentionally, I blushed at the mental image of me sitting close to him, wrapping my fingers around his sinewy arm and squeezing hopefully it whenever we our team was close to achieving a goal. Lord, he'd felt so warm that night. So warm. I just loved his warmth. There was something about it that made me feel safe...it made me feel a strange sense of security.
"Umm..." I was thinking of a way to tell her that we were together, or whether I should even bother telling her at all. With all my previous boyfriends, I'd ostentatiously bragged to the world and its masses for the sake of showcasing that I held ransom to something all the other girls didn't have.
It had almost been like a game of show and tell.
But...
Something about being with Shawn felt personal to me. Even if we'd just planted the seed of our relationship and it still hibernated beneath the soil, waiting for the water and rays of life to assist it in germination. We were still newborn babies trying to figure out whether to learn how to talk or walk first.
With the way our reactions to one another had been rocky from the start, I knew that this wasn't just a childish game for rowdy teenagers to pass time with. It wasn't just about having a boyfriend just because it was something to do.
Being with Shawn was a learning experience.
Uppermost in my mind though, I still wanted him to be my little secret because in all honesty I didn't want anyone else to catch him like I had. It's not like Shawn was a painfully, super quiet, unfriendly dude who I'd fortuitously managed to tap into. He wasn't like all the other guys here though. Something differed him. He stood out like a sore thumb. He was likeable and handsome to most, and though I'd dated guys like that before, I felt different about this.
Since I felt I wasn't good enough for him, I didn't want any other girl who probably was to get a hold of him.
I wasn't worried about Tatiana...
"You're with him ain' you?" she interrupted my thoughts, a sudden spark of excitement lighting her eyes and a knowing smirk on her lips that made me uneasy. Smiling tremulously, I turned away from her and gazed searchingly not only for Shawn, but for an escape. Something about telling Tatiana made me uneasy for some reason. I just didn't favor the likes of her anymore. She'd always been fishy and the trueness of it was becoming more concrete now.
"I knew it," she sized me up haughtily and scoffed, "Man if I'd known that girl was his sister I probably would've snagged him up first. Just kidding."
Barely returning her faux, wide grin, I laughed unconvincingly before excusing myself and continuing on with my pursuance of Shawn. It was no mystery that the friendship Tatiana and I used to share was well on its way to diminishing, if it hadn't already. I stopped by my locker to place my laden backpack in it along with the books I carried in hand and continued on with my journey.
On my quest, I came across Angie standing in front of a classroom. She was bothersome as she glanced at her cell phone.
"Angie?" I had to speak first for her to note my arrival.
"Hmm?" she hummed, clearly distracted before vouching my suspicions with her worrisome almond eyes.
"What's wrong?" I temporarily put aside the initial question I had in mind for her.
"Nothing." She murmured before giving her phone one last impertinent look and stashing it into her jean pocket. I knew that when she used that tone conjoined the word 'nothing' it always appertained to something cynic and for the past year that only meant one word: Derrick. Whenever she'd been with Derrick, she was a can of warms, a sealed jar of secrets. Ojay had been the one to open the lid to that jar, making her the unabashed girl that she had always been since birth.
"I obviously don't believe you. What's going on?" I asked with a frown. No one had heard from Derrick, or so they said. He was barely seen by naked eye, only viewed on rare occasion. It made me uneasy everytime I thought of what he was doing and why he was suddenly in hiding after what he'd done to Angie. I was more than sure that his disappearance bothered Angie too—especially since Ojay couldn't stop mentioning how he wanted to find his hiding ass and do away with him.
"Derrick called." She answered tersely and I openly gaped at her.
She nodded with thinly pursed lips before smiling stiffly and waving at a passer by who greeted her.
"I thought you changed your number after getting those unknown calls?"
"I still get them." She sang out nervously and laughed uneasily but I didn't groove on her sarcasm.
"How did you know it was him? You answered the phone?"
"No. He finally left me a message." She'd kept her eyes averted the entire time we parleyed, a clear sign of nervousness.
"What did he say?"
My question stirred dread all over her but she tried to hide it—maybe she succeeded concealing it from the world but not me.
"Just stupid stuff as usual." She mumbled, rubbing the vertex of her nose like she always did when she was nervous.
"Like what?" I goaded.
"You know the usual shit he says Beyonce. It's no biggie." She answered snappishly and I knew then to leave it alone even if I definitely didn't want to. Last time I let her deal with her own adversities, she ended up in the hospital. If that happened again, I'd never forgive myself. Even now, I was still tempted to tell her parents about it since they ignorantly walked around thinking that their daughter had only had a nasty plunge down a grotesque flight of stairs. Ojay had approached her with the twin idea of educating her parents on what had truly happened so that she could take getting retribution on Derrick more seriously. But like usual, Angie went into a tirade about how we didn't have respect for her decision to just handle it her own way because she got herself in that mess and wanted to get herself out. I knew her reasons for covering up for Derrick stemmed from fear. Variously, Ojay garbled those fears as her still possibly loving him, if she'd ever even loved him to begin with.
Angie's sudden scoff brought my eyes to her ruefully thoughtful expression.
"If your parents ever tell you something, listen to them. They know what's best for you." Her sudden advice caught me off guard.
"What do you mean?"
She hesitated a breath before shoving her hands in her back pockets and speaking, "They told me to stay away from Derrick but I never listened. I thought they were just being unfair. And I also thought that the whole concept of forbidden love was exciting," she scoffed anemically before shaking her head and muttering, "I was so wrong..."
"They know about Derrick?!" I was beyond shocked—especially since Angie usually told me everything. I knew she had another bestfriend but I still got a generous share of the events in her life.
She nodded.
"Damn, I never knew that. When did all this happen?"
"Right when I started messing with him. They met him once by chance at the mall, and that was all it took for my Dad to tell me that I shouldn't associate with someone like him," she snorted dolefully, "I should've listened. He's the biggest mistake I've ever made."
I knew that Angie had always seen Derrick in private but I thought it was for obvious reasons like a girl sneaking into the boyfriend's house so that the parents would be in the dark of their illicit, sexual activity. Also the fact that Derrick was very much into illegal enterprises would've made any girl hide him from her parents. I then recalled earlier in the day when Shawn and I first talked and Angie said something about him and Derrick going to Twenty-Fourth Street or something of that sort.
A shiver went down my spine and my mind spun suddenly then I told myself to relax. I didn't have concrete evidence that Shawn was actually into that stuff. He had a legit job at the garage as far as I knew. And I think he had a second job but that was just a presumption. The last person I wanted to date was someone into that type of illegal activity because with it came so many problems that I wasn't up to dealing with.
Now for Angie to suddenly enlighten me on all of this though, I assumed that the message he left her must have been really serious.
"What did he say?" I asked her curiously, worriedly.
"Nothing," she said emphatically, "Don't worry about it. He's just being his dumb as usual."
Pressing the issue was as goalless as speaking to a rock so I dropped it but not enough to prevent me from investigating the issue later.
"What's going on with you though? You're glowing." Angie said in a lighter mood with a faint smirk that I didn't want to buy but was provoked to just to placate her from not thinking about Derrick.
"I am not." I said in chagrin.
"The stars in your eyes look extra big today girl you can't lie." She japed and I sucked my teeth at her before laughing. Angie was so crazy. She said you could tell someone was in love when the stars in their eyes were larger than usual. She dreamt too damn much but like she said, dreaming kept her alive. That's probably why she wrote so much. I was getting into that habit a lot too. Since I couldn't see Shawn on Sunday, I'd written a whole lot because I had so much inspiration encased inside of me. I'd never show my work to anyone because I was ashamed of loving to write so much. It seemed like a pointless practice to me but oh well.
"Man hush." I chided.
"And no I haven't seen him to answer your question." She smiled sheepishly at and I rolled my eyes heavenward.
"I wasn't looking for him." I lied, knowing good and well that that was the first question I was going to ask her.
"And I wasn't looking for Ojay." She countered sarcastically and I couldn't help but laugh.
"Okay, yeah I've been looking for him. I wonder why he isn't here early like he usually is. You think I scared him off Angie?"
Angie rolled her eyes just like I had done and laughed, "Shut up."
"Are you going to tell Ojay about Derrick?"
Angie's smile weathered like a gale of wind blowing through sand and running away with it.
"It's not a big deal Beyonce," she cast me a pleading glance before looking away and said in a somewhat hard tone, "Don't tell him about it. I'll handle it."
Angie and I lingered talking aimlessly for a while until her prince charming showed up and I was unmindfully excommunicated from their little palace of love. I didn't mind though because I wanted to go back down the hallway in pursuit of Shawn and found him where he usually stood by the lockers. He was back to the black jacket that he wore whenever in school and like usual, the hood was over his head.
With a fluttering heart and cheeks that flamed fiercely from blush, I made my way through the heaped students to him since he hadn't seen me. A couple of his mates regarded me peculiarly when I arrived—except for Preston who issued me a vociferous greeting enough to make my arrival well known, thus making Shawn turn from Stacy who had his riveting attention. Instant jealousy struck me. I'd forgotten all about her and the possibility that the closeness that she and Shawn shared would cause hindrance on our uniting. He told me they were just close friends but...I don't know...something wasn't right...
Stacy and I locked eyes, a silent war waging between us for me having rained on her parade yet once again.
"Sup." Shawn said affably with a warm smile that dispensed the short-lived rancor I felt.
"Nothing much." I answered as I stepped close to him until the tips of our shoes touched. Right at that moment, the warning bell chimed sending unnerved groans to fill up the hallway, including mine. Shawn remained mute with a dreadful coloring in his eyes that made me feel warm in a forbidden place. He was too much even when he wasn't trying.
I opened my mouth to speak before interrupted.
"Shawn, you comin'?" I whipped towards Stacey blinking back and forth between us in suspicion.
"Yeah I'll be there in a minute." Shawn assured her. When I glanced at Shawn shortly, he was obliviously looking elsewhere. Stacey didn't move a muscle though and watched the two of us for a while before frowning.
"Iight." She capitulated, her grave gaze now adhered to me.

After smiling vapidly at her until she thinly returned it, she spun around and headed to class.
Now that all the destructions were away, I could at least have a few minutes alone with him. 

"Damn Shawn where you been?" I asked him sulkily, compressing our chests together and feeling jitters of excitement at the contrast of my softness and his hardness. I actually had to let my head fall far back just to get a clear view of his face since he was so darn tall. Slowly, I snaked my arms around his waist as I waited for an answer despite running on limited time.
He roved over my features dubiously. I guess he was still deciding whether it was okay to reveal to me or not. I tried not to get irritated.
"Marissa was upset today cause she broke a glass and I had to try and convince her that she didn't do anything wrong and that she could go to school." Shawn finally explained with discomfort in his eyes but when I nodded my understanding guilelessly, he seemed to relax a little bit.
"How is she today? I'm gonna stop by her class and say hi."
Shawn smiled a little bit, "She was all excited Sunday when I came home...telling me everything the two of you talked about."
"Really? Does she like me Shawn?" I asked him hopefully, realizing that it mattered a great deal if she did. He didn't have to tell me, but I knew one had to tolerate his sister for them to even think about getting with him. But dealing with her wasn't tolerating to me. It was like making a new friend who wasn't like all the rest. At first I was a little bit uncomfortable when she'd answered the phone when she started asking me questions, but I realized that I enjoyed having talks with her. She was so innocent and sweet.
Wordlessly, Shawn nodded and I grinned like I'd just won the lottery.
"But I've been looking for you, you know." I told him as if we had the time to say frivolous things as such. Shawn smiled faintly, looked up succinctly before regarding me again with charm-filled eyes.
"You have?" his murmur was in form of a growl and his head was tilted in a disbelieving gesture. I was damn near tempted to ask him if we could skip and if he could let me show him how damn sexy he was but refrained. I didn't want him thinking I was fast.
"Mhmm." I snuggled closer to him, to his warmth.
"Howcome?" his warm, liquid eyes poured into mine, sizzling my mental state and sending me into a bonfire of euphoria.
Removing my hands from their link on his lower back, I sinuously traced the brim of the hood he habitually wore with fingers that quaked from the excitement he gave me. Shawn watched me wondrously all the while. I confined the rim of his hood in furled fingers and lugged, thus lowering his head further down.
He never resisted.
"Kiss me." I ordered huskily and tiptoed a fraction just so that my longing lips could meet home with his.
"Kiss you?" Shawn echoed with a smirk that stroked my womanhood.
I nodded, still pulling him down to me laggardly, breathing unevenly now since he was so close, "Yes. Kiss me..."
Shawn pressed his lips against mine and almost instantly the world became a far away place to me. It wasn't a kiss meant for time wasting because Shawn's tongue immediately parted mine, robbing me of breath. It felt like I was experiencing my first kiss all over again, like his tongue was breaking the breach to my virginity. His hands must have left his pockets because I felt firm warmth on the lower arch of my back that transcended into me, toasting me all over.
When I closed my fingers around his neck and pulled him down to me, Shawn began the titillating act of thrusting his tongue in and out of my mouth. When he felt my bones condense in submission, his large hands affirmed my flanks stagnantly. The movement of his tongue was in such a sexual rhythm that I couldn't help the light moan that escaped me. It also woke me up and reminded me where I was and how what I was doing wasn't apropos.
"B-baby..." I rasped in between sound, heated smooches, "Cl-class...I-we...school..."
I'm not sure how I was able to think appropriately about getting an education but I knew that we had to get going before we received tardy notes of detention.
I was making to pull back when Shawn gently confined my bottom lip with his teeth and drew me back.
"Hold up," Shawn grunted in steely adamancy that made my knees tremble, before inserting his tongue into me and stroking mine with his, wrapping his strong arms around me and holding me impenetrably to him "Wait...a minute..."
Never in my life had I ever felt so wanted. I'd been told a lot of guys were trying to get with me but it had never felt as gratifying as this. Maybe because I'd never had to work for any of those other guys.
Purloined of my senses, I surrendered and clung to Shawn for dear life. Forgetting that I had a class to attend, I widened the onslaught he parted on my lips when he tilted his head and allowed him to lead himself deeper into me.
"Damn." I found myself moaning when the kiss got far steamier than planned. A pool of arousal gathered in my womanhood from the way Shawn marginally grinded his lower half against me. He seemed like such a goody two shoes that him doing such a thing shocked and aroused me all at once.
"Okay you two! Break it up! Now!"
Like hands had closed behind both of our heads and yanked hard, Shawn and I separated instantly and dreadfully turned to the source of sound. I knew that our public display of affection would get us into hot water but when I saw who the kiss-stealer was, I relaxed only a tad.
The art teacher, Mrs. McCall, who was far more popular than all the other instructors for her leniency and kindness, approached us with a disapproving shake of her head.
"I can't believe my virgin eyes! Go to class right now! I should be sending the two of you to the principal's office for what you're trying to pull!" Her usually, sweet, loveable voice was hard and uncharacteristic.
Shawn and I both glanced at each other guiltily. Before I could bow my head in shame like he did, I was smitten by the sight of his moistened, bottom lip only to feel a rush of arousal fondle my pulsating womanhood.
Damn him...
"Go to class right now before I change my mind." She mandated sternly instead and I felt like I could hug her. My father had recently warned me that if he ever got a call from school for my misbehavior again, it'd be private school for me all the ay.
"Yes ma'am." Shawn and I obeyed synonymously, both relieved that it had been her out of all teachers to catch us with our hands in the cookie jar.
Before parting to opposite ends, I stole a glance at Shawn when Mrs. McCall wasn't looking. He was rubbing his bottom lip as he backed away, giving me a smirk that I was for sure held within it a secret message of promise.
Demurely smiling, I spun around and jogged to class with a heart that pounded in my chest insanely.
My tongue darted out to taste him on my lips one last time before I governed myself to forget about the kiss and stay focused for the rest of the day.
If wishes came true that feasibly, I wouldn't have had to sit through the teacher rail me on three different occasions about not paying attention all throughout class.