I remember hearing a song a while back that said,'If I only could, I'd make a deal with God, and I'd get him to swap our places."
I wish he did that. Swapped our places. You deserve to live.
I have no clue what was in that casket, but it wasn't you. You hated your hair short. You were pale. You looked so... sad.
Me and Sis went to talk to your family. Your family was so sweet.
I really had thought I was done crying the first couple days after I found out. It was the other Asian as our people would call her, according to her, also known as your sister, who broke me.
There were easily three hundred, maybe even five hundred people there.
Nothing prepares a teenager to go to their own friends funeral. Maybe their older family members, their parent's friends, but never their own.
I'm ready to see the color back in your face. That thing wasn't you and will never be you.
I saw Pablo with you. I'm glad you have a friend being laid to rest with you. I remember when you first got that squishmallow. You started the life with Pablo series. I wish I had gotten to see more of those. I think Pablo would've liked to see more sunsets with you.
I feel like I'm being so insensitive. I was crying hard in the back, and I didn't see your family cry. I know your mom was convincing herself to stay strong. I saw the tissues in her hand. Your sister. I heard the way her voice broke at the end of her sentences. Your father didn't say much to me, but he sounded hoarse.
You should've lived. You had so much going for you.
That wasn't you in the casket. That was something else.
My brain kept telling me that I could see a rise and fall in your chest. That you were just sleeping. That I could shake you, and I'd see your brown eyes again.
Your hands.
That's what really broke me. They were so still. They looked so cold. They looked cold as ice.
You were never a cold person. I hate that they looked so cold because your personality was so warm.
You couldn't hate anyone truly. You could probably say it, but you would never mean it.
You were a person who I will always want to be. You had so much talent and confidence. I want to be like you when im older.
I want to be the mentor you were to little kids.
I want to make a deal with God that lets you stay here and live a happy life. I would take your place in a heartbeat if it meant that you could touch the lives of so many more people.
I'd get him to swap our places.
