You know, since he did it, I've been going through something I don't know how to explain really. I've always used depression for it, but it has been so much more.
I've heard people talk about how they can remember the exact moment they were saved. They remember the little details.
Again, I was seven. Everything came early for me. I was a kid who grew up too fast. I wanted to be like the big kids. I wanted to be an adult. I didn't know what salvation was.
I tried to make it make sense in my little kid mind. It didn't.
I always thought it did. I never questioned my faith until I lost a friend. I can't help but wonder if that was God's way of getting my attention. What if I took a friend's life?
I'm sorry Mon ange. I'm sorry if it was me.
I know I have no clue what's going on. I don't know when I'll die. It could be in seventy years, it could be in seventy minutes.
I want strength. I used to wait for the depression to kill me. I really thought it was going to. In all honesty, if I didn't attend tonight, I'm not sure how much longer I could've made it.
I want to turn to God.
I don't deserve anything he did for me. He did everything for me even still. I was born with a sinful nature. One in itself.
Jesus is God's son. He is the only way to make it out of this. I want to see my family and friends again one day.
I want to commit my life to the service of the Lord.
My death will not be of myself any longer. I will not slowly die from sadness and despair.
I'm going to live my life to the fullest and for the service.
God is in control. I have blind faith in him. Whatever he tells me, I will do my best to listen.
I am not perfect. I probably won't listen all the time. It's part of being a human. We want control.
I don't want control of my life. I want it to be his. I want him to be able to use me in the ministry however he sees fit.
I've been putting it off too long. I could die in a car crash tomorrow. I'm not taking the risk anymore.
I want to see my father in heaven.
I'm going to dedicate my life.
I am a child of God.
I am a child of the one and only God. I am a child of the one who will reign supreme above all nations.
I am going to be a part of the kingdom that will never fall.
