To me, cremation is the worst way to be laid to rest. It's just horrible. You live just to be set on fire and turned into ash? Count me out.
I also don't like not knowing where the ashes could be spread. I kind of hoped, well I prayed, they buried him. I wanted to be able to visit him, you know? Maybe one day, show my kid where their uncle is.
I think I got too used to knowing where he was at all times. The day his phone went dead wasn't good. I can't see his location anymore. Me and my friends would always leave it on in case of emergency. I think that's the biggest part of it. Having no clue where he is.
I know that even in a casket, we decompose, but I wish I could visit him. I wish he knew how much I talked about him at school even before this.
I really and truly want to strive to be like him. I want the world to know that I'm the sister of amazing men and women. I want to be like him in his willingness to always be there. He's the kind of person you could call at twelve fifty nine on a random Tuesday morning and cross state lines with. He would've done it.
He was and still is the most amazing human being I have ever known.
Somedays, I wait. For probably a million things, honestly. I find myself waiting on a text from him, maybe on a call. I'm not really sure.
I want to be out of the nightmare where the greatest human beings have met their matches.
Can I see them?
