I'm messed up. I'll acknowledge it now, but you know that's probably because of recent events.
I had thought about writing since I was about in the fourth grade. That was the year I lost my grandpa. I remember thinking of him as the most important man in my life for years. I think when I started meeting all my brothers, it slowly changed to being them.
I do wonder sometimes why I didn't start writing then. I feel like maybe a part of me wasn't really into writing at the time. That I wouldn't be completely honest. I'm not completely honest even now. I don't say everything I feel because I don't know what people would think of me.
Part of it is that I don't want to monetize the stuff that's been going on. That's why I've barely told anyone about this.
On the monetizing thing, that is a reason I will never mention his name on here. I just don't want someone who knew the both of us to look at me with different eyes. I don't want someone to think I'm trying to make myself a big shot over my brothers death.
To me, this is like a sanctuary. This writing is the only thing that sees all parts of me. There have been some things I've said on here and more than likely will say that I can never repeat in real life.
The way I keep addressing this as a nightmare is very real. I don't think this is real and refuse to believe it. I think that you could definitely try to convince me it actually happened, but I'm never going to believe you.
One thing I will mention is that anytime I'm writing, I never hit the backspace. For the most part, my autocorrect fixes any misspellings, but I have a thing about it. I feel like if I hit the backspace, I'm not going to be as honest with the way I feel.
One last thing is that I plan on writing every night until I decide not to. I know this platform usually lets works go up to around a hundred-ish parts, so I may make another. Right now, I honestly have no idea. This could be a couple of years' worth of entries. This could end in a few days. I have certain days where I will definitely publish, such as his birthday and more than likely mine, regardless of if I need a new work or not.
Honestly, tonight's part was just to get a few things out of the way. I wanted to make sure people knew my intentions and exactly what was going on.
A word to my brother, I love you, man. Till we meet again.
