Everything is so loud. My thoughts, people, things. It's too much.
I've said before that I'm afraid of losing myself, but I think I already have.
I'm not the child most people think I am. I was forced to grow up at an age that no kid should. I was thinking like a seventeen year old at seven.
Life feels like it's too much. I have no idea what I'm doing, and I feel like I'm falling through life. I miss the little bit of childhood that I had. I wish with everything in my soul that I could've been truly happy a little while longer.
I hate when adults tell us that we're just children. I hate it because we aren't. Sure, our bodies are, but us? Absolutely not. Our generation is full of people who have lived the worst lives.
I am not saying in any way that their lives weren't hard, but they weren't the only ones. I have had adults in the past tell me that depression and anxiety both weren't real. I hear that and wonder how often they suffer from it.
I am thirteen. I'm thirteen, and I express myself through acting. I'm thirteen, and I feel like my purpose is to please everyone around me. I'm thirteen, and I've already lost two of the most important and impacting men in my life.
I'm thirteen, and I've made people think I'm happy for years while I'm slowly killing myself with my thoughts on the inside. I'm thirteen, and I'm not afraid of death.
I'm not afraid to die.
I know where my soul lies. My soul lies with the Lord. My heart lies with him. I know he is my Lord and savior. I know where I'm going.
I'm thirteen, and I'm convincing myself that I'm happy.
I'm thirteen and only let myself see the worst of what I think. No one knows what I'm thinking but me.
I'm acting stupid? No. That's not what's happening at all. This is a distraction for me. I'm trying to make myself feel alive.
I have to force myself to feel alive at the age of thirteen.
The things I say? Yeah. It's all a front. I'm not doing okay.
I miss having a childlike mind.
I'm not thirteen.
I'm much wiser than most adults.
In all reality, I've seen more twenty year olds who were far younger than me.
Just because it's the number of years you've been alive doesn't mean that's how old you are. Your age is determined by your maturity level.
My love, I'm not thirteen, I'm in my late fifties.
