I've stopped thinking about it besides when I write. I don't want to. Who wants to think about the loss of a friend?
I think the downside of that is that I don't actually think anymore. I feel like I can think about stuff, and it includes what happened or I can't think at all.
Somedays, I just spiral. Those are the days I think about stuff. Those are the days I don't talk.
A lot of the time, it looks like I have so much on my mind. I really don't. I'm just trying to block out everything else.
At the same time, I really wish people wouldn't keep avoiding the topic of him. I like to think about him. I really do. It just hurts to know I'm not going to see him again in this lifetime. Even then, I like to talk about him. He was the coolest guy on planet Earth. He will be forever.
I want to be someone he would've thought was cool. I want to be someone he would be proud of.
To anyone reading this, live a life that makes everyone around you proud. Take care of yourself most of all.
To you, my brother, I'll see you on the other side, till we meet again.