Why don't we say everything? Wouldn't we be a lot happier if we communicated better?
It's because it isn't fair for those around us to hear what we think all the time. You know, maybe it shouldn't matter. Life isn't fair in the end. I mean, I've already had what's very likely to be the worst day of my life at the age of thirteen.
I have so much inside me that I want to say, but I'm scared of being alone. I don't want people to look at me with pity or disgust. I want them to see me as the person I used to think I was.
You know, it's kind of funny how things like this can happen. I'm friends with people of all ages. Some of them call me weird when they do the same stuff. Honestly, it's kind of getting to me. I don't know how to tell people. They're going to think I'm some sensitive idiot.
I try not to shut down, but it's getting harder and harder. I should talk to someone, but I just don't think I can. Some days, I feel horrible about myself. I see what they say, and I think it looks awful.
There's good days, too. Today was a kind of in between. I know I'm going to miss being around the people there, but they're also the ones who made me realize just how much this gets to me.
I'm tired of being the one who's left out. I don't know how much I can take of it before I break down. I'm letting comments get to me. I can tell that I'm losing myself and becoming more like a robot that's somewhat acceptable.
Why doesn't life come with a handbook? I need something. I feel so dead on the inside. I can tell just how much of myself I've lost. I can see in my eyes how much it affects me. I lose sleep. I do terribly thinking about how I can be happier again and how I can get people to like me.
I'll admit, I have some knacks that even I find annoying and weird. But don't we all?
I don't see this getting easier.
I don't know what I'm doing.
Someone help me before I go insane.
Please.
