Endless buzzing, ringing, screaming. It's all I hear. I bottle it up and hide it because no one else should be disturbed by it.
There's pain inside, but it gets to a point where you can be numb to it. I feel it, but where it used to be branding me, it's just tapping me. It's not killing me the way it used to, even though something is.
There's a part of me that can close off everything to the outside world. Pretend that I'm perfectly fine. Honestly, I like that it's there. I don't think I can explain what broke me again without writing it.
I wish I could say I feel nothing. That I'm left just thriving. But I feel everything. It's what's killing me slowly. I'm so tired all the time. I have no real motivation to do anything.
I'm having to survive myself. I get in bad ruts and can't escape them. Funny how that works huh? I have become my living nightmare.
Is it odd for a thirteen year old to already have to be surviving instead of living?
