I don't really know what I'm referring to, specifically here. It feels like there's a lot that has and is slipping through my fingers.
Time is like water. Even if you cup it with your hands, it still drains. Try all you want, but time leaves you too. Nothing can stay forever.
I have flashbacks of good times, back when I was happy, with the people I love. I see how carefree we all looked. Once upon a time, my eyes had real life. Once upon a time, he was still alive.
People can be what's slipping through my fingers. I've come to the true realization that this isn't the only death of a friend I'm going to experience. It's going to keep happening. Life isn't anyone's friend at the end of the day.
I want to keep these people in places where I can make sure they're okay. I want them to be okay. I want to see them happy again.
I feel like the light that burns inside me is slipping through my fingers. I feel like I'm losing myself. I don't know how to explain it at all. It feels awful. I feel like the longer this goes on, the less fire I have. At least I have the ashes of what once was.
I don't like life anymore.
It used to be so happy and carefree. I used to could laugh a genuine laugh. Lately, it seems like I don't even know why or if I'm laughing. But if I am, it's not real.
I used to respond with, "I'm doing amazing!" Now, it's more of an "I'm making it." People laugh at that. I don't think they realize that I actually mean that. Every day feels like a struggle.
I feel like I'm turning into 'The great pretender.' I hate that for anyone I know. They deserve to get the real me, right? Actually, I don't think they should. I don't want them to know how messed up I've been.
I wish time would stop back in sixth grade. I wish I could be happy again.
I wish I could escape the mask.
I wish I was out of this nightmare.
I wish I had my brother back.
