travis
you know when people say 'you're just like your father' or mother or whatever? i feel like i'm somewhat turning into my father. it's hard to explain why, but if i put it into simple terms, i'm horrible to everyone and anyone and i'm self centred.
not that i mean to. i just don't really know how not to be. i honestly wish i was nicer, but i don't want to look weak. that's one of the only things i'm afraid of. weakness, vulnerability, defencelessness. and that's what my religion does to me.
it's like my fathers eyes are constantly on me, and it hurts to feel that way, but i don't know how to get rid of it. so if i act horrible and tough, i won't feel vulnerable. because he can't make me feel vulnerable.
but being horrible to people is just as bad. i don't know what type of person i want to be. it's like everytime i do something pathetic or weak or anything i can hear his awful, pestering voice. or those ringing church bells.
i don't know if i should change who i am. because surely my fathers eyes aren't actually on me. right?
i mean it would be stupid to think that. but i really don't know how much longer i can keep
this act up. being horrible just isn't me. it never has been me. i'm just a pure reflection of my father. disgusting, horrible, selfish. if i could change that i would. i should.
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dear diary (larvis)
Fanfictionin the town of nockfell, the protagonist and antagonist start to have problems in their personal life, which starts to destroy their mental health. as it gets worse and worse for the antagonist, his worst enemy becomes his only hope at feeling norma...
