dear diary (larvis)

dear diary - touch

larry
"hello."
what an odd thing to say. who just says 'hello'?
he uncovered the blankets that surrounded my body, glancing at my wrists for a few seconds. i haven't gotten up in so long. i've been sat here crying for almost 2 days. i couldn't lie in my bed if travis wasn't there, or the closet.

he sat inbetween my legs, facing me. he was resting on his knees, leaning on the bottoms of his feet. he was still wearing my clothes. they were stained with blood, especially my shorts.
"are you okay?"
he cupped my cheeks. it was a comforting yet cold feeling i had missed so much. his touch.

i noticed a small indent in his lip and right nostril, and i saw a little scar inbetween them. it couldn't take my eyes off of it.

it took me a little while to realise the state travis was in.
"are you okay buttercup?"
his knees and hands were bleeding. along with his face. as usual his eye was bright red and his lip was bust. his nose had a graze along the bridge. he most likely jumped from his window again based on his wounds.
"you really need to stop jumping out of your-"
i looked down at the skin of his wrists that rested under my thumb.

he clearly didn't want me to see that.
"i'm sorry."
i hated hearing that. especially from him.
"no. it's okay. i know how it feels. don't blame yourself."
he sat on my lap and brought himself closer to me. his nose met mine again. i could see the scar on his philtrum from up close. how did i never see that?
"hi."
he pushed some hair out of my face.
"come with me, okay? i'll get you cleaned up."
he pulled himself up, his legs shaking from the obvious stinging pain in his knees.
"just come here."

i've never carried travis before. well i have, once, but he was asleep and he didn't know. or maybe i had forgotten another time, but he was definitely very light. i hoped to change that, because i knew he never ate a lot.

i placed him onto the toilet lid, rummaging in the cabinets. half the medicine was missing. i forgot what my mom had done. there were a few painkillers left, so i poured two into my hands and moved my hands towards him. he took them reluctantly and threw them into his mouth.
"give me a minute."
i left the bathroom, going into my room. i hoped i could trust him enough to be alone in the bathroom but then again i was really close to him and he wouldn't do anything like that if i was so close, and if i was here in general.

i pulled some clean clothes out of my drawers, putting them neatly over my arm. as i was about to leave i noticed his bag. maybe he would have some medicine in here.

i rummaged through his bag, which i probably shouldn't have done but whatever. i did find medicine, but not for the pain. something for seizures. at the bottom of his bag was an epipen.

luckily when i walked back into the bathroom he was still there, sat in the same position, his feet resting on the floor.
"here. change into these."
he took the clothes in his hands, smiling weakly.
"uh.. tell me when you're done okay?"
i stepped just outside of the door, closing it behind me. as i waited i couldn't stop my mind from wandering. i thought of all the times travis comforted me and all the times he wiped away my tears, but how many times have i done that for him?

"larry?"
he shouted from behind the door.
"can you come in?"
i wondered why he was saying it like a question.
"okay. sure."
i poked my head inside, stepping in and leaning against the door. he had barely even put his clothes on yet, well, my clothes. he had put on his socks and underwear but had taken off his shirt and shorts. i had forgotten about that.
"do you want me to help you sweetheart?"
i already felt bad. why did i always forget about how he felt?
"come here."