dear diary (larvis)

dear diary - confession

larry
travis fell asleep with his head on my shoulder that night, and sal had fallen asleep hours before, even before ashley took the picture. when travis said he wasn't gay i immediately knew he was lying. that made me question a lot of things, and it made me realise i might actually like travis. not in the friend way, in the other way.

i don't think he feels the same way. but something about how he insisted he wasn't gay told me that he might be. now was the time to tell him.
"travis?"
i elbowed him gently, making him wake up almost immediately. i had to be quiet, since ashley was still on the couch.
"huh?"
i stood up and grabbed my bag
"can you come back to the basement with me?
he shrugged and followed me back, yawning and still half asleep. i struggled to stay calm the whole time as a realised what i was doing.
"okay, what's up larry?"
i dragged him to my room, sitting on my bed and pulling travis up with me.
"listen i.."
i struggled to get my words out, but i already knew what i wanted to say as i had it planned out in my head.
"what's wrong?"
i sighed and got under the covers.
"nothing, i just wanted to say i thought i was going to cry so i suppose i wanted to be alone.
"but i'm still here."
he got under beside me and lifted off his sweater, showing off the tshirt he had underneath.
"i know. that's okay."

i regretted not telling him. i really wanted to but i didn't know how to word it, and if he doesn't feel the same if didn't want to loose him as a friend. i was definitely the kind of person to fall for people quickly, hence the amount of times i've been assaulted. but this is different with travis. i really trust him. he just makes me feel safe, and i don't want to loose that.
"travis?"
he hummed, with his back to me as he was trying to sleep.
"can i tell you something?"
he sat up, taking me more seriously now.
"what's up?"

i was lost for words, thinking of a way to put it that wouldn't sound weird or too gay.
"listen i.. i think i like you."
he furrowed his eyebrows and bit his lip.
"what?"
"i really really like you. not in the friendly way."
he shook his head and lent back.
"stop playing with me i know you don't."
he fiddled with the beads on his rosary and sighed.
"travis."
"what."
he looked up at me and frowned.
"do you maybe want to.. go on a date with me?"
he pondered for a few seconds, not breathing until he spoke again.
"okay. just to try it out. no really gay shit okay?"
i smiled.
"of course."

travis
i agreed to dating larry. i agreed to dating larry. i'm dating larry. a man. as a christian.

i lent back, still and silent when larry had fallen asleep. i couldn't figure out if he meant that now were dating were supposed to say we love each other. i decided not to, since it might just make him uncomfortable.
"larry? are you up?"
he groaned and lifted the covers from his face.
"don't you tell anyone. keep it a secret."