dear diary (larvis)

journal page 1 - beginning

tw, abuse

faith
i got a new journal, for the new life i'm about to experience. my dad is tired of chasing after travis, yet he will never be tired of laying a bad hand on someone. someone he's close to. someone vulnerable.

if travis isn't here, and if daphne isn't here, i'm here. i'm his only visible choice. he won't lay a hand on his sidepiece. yet.

i've been so harsh to travis my whole life. pushing him around, insulting him, laughing at him, taunting him, etc. as they always say, the apple never falls far from the tree.

i walked in through the front door. my father glanced over at me, grimacing as he slammed the alcohol bottle onto the table.
"faith."
i didn't want to look up. this was only the start but i started to slightly understand how travis felt.
"look at me when i talk to you."
he grabbed my cheeks with one hand, forcing me head up to look at him. this was all so new, but i felt like i had experienced this before. maybe it was the familiarity with travis' abuse or the fact i saw this coming so long ago.

he raised his hand. i barely flinched when he swung his hand down towards my face, slapping me on the cheek. the force and impact almost knocked me off my feet. so this is what it's like. it hurt, more than i expected it to. my cheek throbbed after that.

i'm sat in my room, writing in my journal. this is day 1. my back hurts and so does my cheek. it's still throbbing from the slap and from where he pinched me. god knows why he decided to slap me, but i
knew it would slowly turn into more, just like what happened to travis. i assume this is the karma i'm getting for what i did to him.

a stared at myself in the mirror. travis' mirror. i was stood in the centre of his room, staring at the long mirror propped up against the wall. there were so many cracks in the glass, distorting my reflection. travis punched things a lot out of anger. if not he just gave up and sobbed even if our father tormented him for it. i felt bad the whole time. i'm his sister. and he's my brother. were family.

but the abuse is travelling further and further down the line. daphne, travis, now me. i thought of all the things that happened to travis. the times he lay awake crying in the middle of the hallway because he couldn't move from the pain, or the time he broke down crying when my dad raised a hand to him. now it's over for him, and it's beginning for me.

i'll never forget the time tracy's begged my father to love him. on his hands and knees, with tears and blood pouring down his face as the words spilled out. kenneth never loved him. i know that.

i made my way back into my room, scrolling through the contacts on my phone. travis' contact sat at the bottom. i never spoke to him through his number. father never knew he had that phone. i did though. i knew so much.

maybe i could leave before it gets too late, or maybe i could face the karma i deserve.

as my reflection stared back at me, a singular crack formed in the corner, splitting over my face. i guess just really was broken , just like the mirror told me.