dear diary (larvis)

dear diary - we don't have to be enemies

sal
i almost had to remove my mask in the principals office earlier, in front of travis and his terrifying dad. he's so.. threatening.

i guess nobody in that office thought how travis might've felt. i mean him crying for the first time ever at school should've been a sign that he's scared of his dad. and i don't blame him. he was staring at travis pretty much the whole time, waiting for him to 'mess up' in some way. i'm not even mad at him for punching me anymore. but it's hard to convince ashley and todd to feel bad. especially larry.

"just.. hear me out, okay? i really do feel bad for travis. i mean his dad is terrifying. surely him crying would've meant something right?"
larry spoke almost immediately after i finished.
"no way you actually feel bad? he punched you for no reason. he was only crying because he was caught. i mean yeah his dad is scary but maybe that's travis' fault."
"seriously larry? it's travis' fault his dad acts like that? don't be stupid. travis probably acts like that because of his dad."
he sighed, raising his eyebrows and actually thinking for a second.
"well.. i.. that's a good point but.. still he shouldn't act like that."

we hadn't got any information from anyone else at the table, not even ashley or todd as they just blankly listened in. ash scoffed a few times but that's about it.

after lunch, i headed to the bathroom, leaving larry at the table with the blank faced dolls at our table. god knows why they never said anything.

the second i walked into the bathroom, i could hear someone crying relatively loudly, very distinctly too. it was almost like a sob, but they were trying to be quiet too, so they just sounded like they couldn't breathe. as i stood outside the door, breathlessly listening to their sobs, i knocked on the door.

"hey. are you okay?"
they didn't reply, only stop crying for the most part.
"hello?"
"what do you want, fuckwad?"
i took a step back.
"travis? were you crying just then?"
"i- no! sally face? what the hell? cant a guy get some privacy?"
i sighed, folding my arms and sitting down outside the door.
"why do you hate me so much?
"because you and your dumb friends are a bunch of homos! it's sick. it's not right. god will never love you, why should i!"
peering under the door i continued to speak back to him.
"you know we aren't all actually gay right? besides for todd. todd is super gay. but that's part of who he is, and i think it's wonderful. how could anyone hate todd?"
i didn't get anything back but a noise of annoyance and disgust.
"is your father pushing these beliefs on you?"
"just because my dads a preacher doesn't mean he owns me! i'm my own person."
i took a deep breath.
"but it doesn't seem like that. i- well me and larry saw you crying in the office earlier. are you sure your father isn't putting too much pressure on you?"
"i..-"
"i can't imagine being the son of such an intense man."

"you have no idea what it's like."
it took him around 3 minutes to respond, he only responded as i was about to leave."
"well.. we don't have to be enemies."
"what?"
"i know you aren't really a bad person. if you need to get away from your dad, or need someone to talk to, come sit with us."
i heard him sniffle a little before replying.
"why are you being so.. so.. nice?"
"you're not a bad person. i know that."
"well.. thank you. i don't really hate you. or your friends. you didn't deserve that."

i couldn't help but smile.