THE COP AND THE POP STAR

CHAPTER 39: HURT AND CONFUSION

Alyssa's view:

This trip is going to be perfect. I'm trying to think of it as just a fun trip, and not the reason why we are here.

I'm trying to forget about the fact that I have a stalker.

I'm praying and hoping that they can catch him, so that this is over, and Tom is safe.

I love Tom so much. I can't let anything happen to him. Because of me. I'm praying that they catch this guy, and he can be arrested, maybe sent to a mental institution rather than prison, but be locked up so he is not a danger to Tom, or to me or anyone else.

But I'm also excited that it's just going to be me and Tommy. Together. 

I know it's wrong of me. I know that if Tom knew how I felt about him, he'd probably freak out, and he would probably want out of this case. Have another cop replace him.

But what he doesn't know won't hurt him.

I can pretend that we are here as a couple on vacation, even though I know that we are not a couple, and it's only a dream, that we ever could be.

Tom is so hot, so sexy, handsome, brave, strong, he's everything a girl could want. And I'm sure every girl who sees him wants him. And he would never want me.

I want this guy caught, so that Tom's life is safe. I have a hard time sleeping at night because I'm so scared for Tom. This guy wants to kill Tom, and pretending to be a couple is provoking this guy to hate Tom.

But us being here alone will let me have time with Tom, making memories that I can treasure the rest of my life.

Tom is a wonderful man. He's a good man. He's a great cop. I admire him so much. He's so brave. Risking his life to keep me safe. He's always there to listen to me, to lean on, to comfort me when I'm upset, or scared. He makes me feel so safe.

I'm mad at myself that I'm afraid I'm getting too used to running to him, because when this is over, I'm going to lose him. I won't have him to go to, whenever I'm upset, or scared, or need to talk.

I can't kid myself and tell myself that maybe we could be more than friends. 

Even if he was interested, it would not be the right thing to do. Because he just does hookups, short term casual relationships, and I just can't do that. Even if I do love him.

I would want more than just a fling. I want it all with Tom. A marriage, babies, a lifetime.

I love just hanging out with him, talking, listening to him, it doesn't matter what we are doing.

I thought Rob was the love of my life, but I was wrong. I did love Rob, but the way I feel for Tom, it's so much stronger. It's what he does to me physically. Makes me feel weak, makes me feel like passing out, just when he looks at me.

Sometimes the look in his eyes is so intense, and he is so hot, so sexy, so handsome, it takes my breath away and makes it hard for me to even walk.

He smells so good, his cologne, and even when he's not wearing cologne, his body wash.

I keep reliving our kiss. It was everything. It was sweet, yet powerful, gentle, yet it made my body go crazy. And made my heart race and beat so loud I was afraid he would hear it. 

I know to him it was just a job, a practice kiss, but to me it was so much more.

I keep thinking what it would be like to be with him. I know I couldn't please him, he's had too many girls, and I'm not experienced, just Rob.

It makes me jealous of all the girls Tom has been with. Even if he didn't care for them, and they aren't in his life, still they got to be with him, and I'm jealous of all the girls that he will be with after this case is over.