THE COP AND THE POP STAR

CHAPTER 46: HEARTBREAK

                                                                                                   ALYSSA'S VIEW:

I woke up today in the best mood. Happiest that I have ever been.  It took awhile to get to sleep, as I laid there reliving last night. The whole night was magical. The whole night, from laughing, dancing, us singing songs together, sharing memories, the hugs, and of course the makeout session we had.

I know that Tom probably doesn't feel the same way about me, or about the night that I did.

But that's okay. 

It's not his fault, that I fell in love with him. I can't expect him to fall in love with me, when he has never been in love nor wants to ever be in love.

You can't make someone love, they either do or they don't.

Tom doesn't do long term relationships, and he doesn't fall in love. I accept that, but I want to be with him anyway. How ever little time I get.

I do think he cares for me as a friend, we connected, shared an intense moment when we both were reminded of our pain.

But I feel this intense insane electrifying connection with him, sizzling, chemistry even, and so I have hopes that maybe Tom and I could go out on a date a real date. After this case is over, maybe Tom could even  be my date for another award show that I have to go to. 

I know he doesn't feel like I do, but just maybe there is a little bit of attraction on his part for me, that he would entertain the idea of a date with me. I mean we did almost have sex, and he did stop it. But I'm thinking he stopped it because with this case he thought it was unprofessional. I mean he wanted sex with me, and he didn't look like he would be sick at the thought of it, so he found me at least attractive enough to have sex with.

I wonder how this morning is going to go. I don't want to tell him how I feel about him. Because I know that he doesn't feel the same way.  But I don't want it to be awkward. I hate it when we aren't talking very much, and it just seems uncomfortable and awkward. We communicate so easily, even without words, so I hate for it to be tense again.

I get up and take a shower and then sit on my bed, in a towel, trying to think of what to wear.

I want to look good for him, but I don't want him thinking that I'm trying to, if that makes sense.

I decided on wearing a dress. It is no sleeves, and just a long purple dress. 

I did my makeup and fixed my hair, I couldn't decide, first had it down, then put it up, then decided to put it back down.

I'm nervous I guess in facing him. I don't want to act weird and make it awkward.

We are both adults, and we almost had sex, and he stopped it.  I do realize that he didn't intend for us to even kiss probably. It was an emotional night and we danced, then we had a moment, and kissed, and the kissed turned passionate and explosive, and we reacted to it.

It may not happen ever again, but I have some hope that maybe it's possible after the case is over, that it could happen again.

I'm going to just ask him if we should talk about it, and then we can go from there.

I go downstairs, and I don't see Tom. I figure he is probably outside with Jake. I know that Jake left my room early because he woke me up when he got off the bed. 

I was going to head to the kitchen to make Tom's breakfast, when the door opens and he comes in with Jake. 

Jake runs to me, I put him, then he runs by me into the kitchen in a rush to get his food.