THE COP AND THE POP STAR

CHAPTER 48: FIXING THE MESS I MADE

                                                                                                          TOM'S VIEW:

I knock on Alyssa's door.

Alyssa said, "it's open Tom."

It shouldn't bother me this much, but I guess it shows how much I love her, because just hearing her call me Tom, and with no joy or happiness in her voice, it's like someone punched me in the gut.

She sounds sad. I did that.

Doug may be right about me being miserable even if I get Alyssa to be my girlfriend. I mean let's face it, I don't have relationship experience. Not committed relationship. And I don't nor have I ever understood how girls think. I didn't care before but now I am going to care.

Even if we are just friends, my actions, my careless words have hurt her. I never want to hurt her. But I've hurt her several times.

Now is not the time to think about that, but my mind flashes back to the studio, jealous of her duet with Jordan, so I was pretending to talk to that girl.  Then when I got jealous about those guards flirting with her, and I called her naive, and she took it as I was saying she was stupid, to this morning, being too scared and not sure how to talk about last night, so I pretended I didn't remember.

If only she could know that last night was the best night of my life, and kissing her, making out with her was better than any sex I've ever had. The way she made me feel.

I didn't realize that I was just standing here and didn't go in, until she said, "Tom are you still there?"

I opened the door.

I said, "Alyssa hey could we talk a minute."

Jake always knows when she needs him and is sad, he's on her lap, and not leaving her side, not even looking my way.

I don't know if Jake is that smart, or maybe it's because I feel so damn guilty that I can't barely look at her. But it seems like Jake knows that I am the reason she is sad, and he's mad at me.

Usually when Jake sees me his tail wags, and he gets excited, thinking that maybe I will play with him or take him out, but he looked over at me, then put his head back down on her lap. Could Jake know I'm the reason why Alyssa is sad?

I'm busy thinking about that and I guess I'm just standing there looking at Jake, and then I hear Alyssa.

She said, "Tom, I said yeah we can talk. Are you okay?"

I said, "I'm not feeling too well."

She looked worried. She said, "oh no, you have a hangover, is it your head that hurts or stomach or both? I can see if there are any pain relievers, or I  can call Robert and see if they can go get you."

I said, "Alyssa no I'm not it's not that. I don't have a hangover."

She said, "oh."

I said, "can I sit down?"

She said, "Sure."

She scooted over on the bed, and so did Jake.

She had changed into sweat pants and her gray tee-shirt that she had on last night, and now is not the time to notice that.

Images of taking her shirt off of her, and how sexy and hot her body is. Focus Hanson, before you mess this up even more.

I need to just look at her face, but the problem if I do that, I get lost in her beautiful eyes.

I looked at the wall.

Alyssa said, "I'm glad that you wanted to talk, there is something I needed to run by you."