THE COP AND THE POP STAR

CHAPTER 16: A NEW START

Tom's view:

I woke up in a great mood. I honestly don't remember ever feeling this way. Happy, Joy, Peace. I'm not even going to deny it because it feels good. I feel like the weight that I've been carrying is gone. I don't feel empty inside, I don't feel weighed down, with guilt. 

I still and will always feel guilty deep inside about my dad's death, that he died alone, that I didn't say I love him back on his last day. But I don't feel like I'm drowning in it. Like I usually feel like I can't breathe.

And I won't deny that it's all because of that beautiful girl in the bedroom across the hall.

Talking to her about my dad was special. I don't know how I was able to tell her all that. When I struggle with even saying it out loud to me.

I think part of it was because she was hurting and crying over that asshole, and it made it easier for me, because when I talked, she truly listened. She put  aside her pain, what she's feeling, to totally give me her attention on my pain, on my feelings. And that meant so much. I think as I talked, she stopped thinking of her pain, and so she stopped crying over Rob, and that made me want to continue. I think we comforted each other. We felt each other's pain. 

To me that is the most intimate thing I've ever done with a girl. Sex to me is sex. It's physical. Not intimate.

But to share each other's pain. I mean she told me stuff about how painful her life has been, I can't imagine. Her parents not wanting her not having anything much to do with her, her best friend and boyfriend betraying her, Rob betraying her.  I hate that she's been hurt so much and it makes me want to protect her, I had to stop myself from blurting out a vow to always protect her and never hurt her.

The last thing I can do is let her know or let anyone know what I feel for this girl.

If Alyssa finds out I'm starting to fall for her.

There I said it, for the first time in my life I'm falling hard for a girl. A girl I know I can never have. A girl who is going to disappear from my life. And if she found out that I'm starting to get feelings for her, she would be uncomfortable and would want to have someone else guard her.

Alyssa comes out. Damn she's beautiful. I think every time I look at her, she gets more beautiful.

There is something about her today, that's different. She's got a smile on her face.

She looks so beautiful, but more than that, she's just pretty. Her long hair is in a pony tail. She has on a pink shirt, and blue jeans.

She said, "Morning Tommy."

I said, "Morning."

I said, "Jake you want to go out."  He ran to me, and I put on his leash.

I took Jake out, and Judy drove up.  I walked over to her car. I was surprised to see her, only because it was 7:30 and I knew she had to be at class at 8 on her case.

She said, "Hey Tommy."

I said, "Judy."

She laughed.  

I said, "What?"

She said, "Just noticing how different you look."

I said, "What?"

She laughed. She said, "Where is that brooding frown on your face. You are smiling, no actually I think you're glowing."  She laughed.

I said, "whatever Judy, aren't you going to be late for school?"

She laughed. She said, "no I won't be, but I need to talk to Alyssa really fast."

I said, "Okay she's inside."