THE COP AND THE POP STAR

CHAPTER 19: REJECTION

Alyssa's point of view:

It scares me to even say this out loud, but I'm falling hard for Tom. 

I am afraid that I made a mistake in choosing to stay here with Tom.  The smart thing to do would have been to move to Booker's. That would have been the safest thing for me. Safest thing for my heart. 

While Dennis seems sweet, and is hot, tall, dark, handsome, and strong, muscles, abs, he's a big flirt, with all girls.  He's not my type. I know that I would never fall for a guy like Dennis.

Officer Tom Hanson on the other hand, is dangerous to me, to my heart.

Tom is hot, sexy, strong, handsome. His voice is so deep. His hair is beautiful. It makes me want to run my hands through it.

  And I have been determined that I would never fall in love again, never give a guy another chance to hurt me. Love is wonderful, and beautiful, and makes you feel on top of the world, and so happy, until it's over, and then the pain is so brutal. I am over Rob; I can say that I'm not in love with him. I regret ever meeting him, let alone being with him.

The last couple of days though, it's been harder to deny what I feel for Tom. The way he let me vent to him about Rob, and tell him the worst thing, my most embarrassing thing, and he didn't laugh, instead he was mad at Rob. Maybe he was laughing behind my back, but I felt like he wasn't.

Talking to him, and listening to him, when he told me about his dad. And Judy said that is huge, that he doesn't talk to anyone about his dad. And he trusted me.  It is hard to ignore that connection I feel with him.

But what happened at the children's hospital. I am not in denial any longer. Instead, I'm in big trouble.

 Seeing Tom with those kids, the way he was so sweet to them, how he bent down and got on his knees to talk to them, let the girls hold his hand and lead him.  The more I watched him with them, and saw him make them laugh, all my walls came down. 

Since I met Tom, when I hit his car, I have denied to myself what I felt inside, how he made me feel, yes, he made me feel terrible for hitting his car, and made me feel stupid, and made me feel angry the way he treated me, feeling angry was a way to deny what I felt inside. The sound of his voice, how it made me feel. My stomach doing flip flops.  

But I can't deny it. I'm falling in love with Tom.

It scares me so bad. Part of me wants to run. I could call Jordan, tell him I made a mistake, and want another cop. But if I do that, I don't want Tom to get in trouble with Adam, or the mayor. And I don't want to hurt Tom.

The other part of me, wants to just keep denying and pushing my feelings for Tom away.  Try and keep my distance as best as possible. Which is going to be hard, since we are living together. I could just stay in my room. Tell him I'm working on my music.

I don't want him to know how I feel. I don't think he would ever fall for me. I'm totally not his type.

That hurts, but at the same time, it is a good thing. It will save me from getting my heart broken. I'm not meant to be in a relationship. I learned my lesson with Rob.

Tom's out with Jake, playing with him. Jake really loves Tom. I still worry about that, because I know when this stalker is caught, and Jake and I go back home, he's not going to understand where Tom is, and I just hope that Tom will keep his promise to stay in Jake's life.

Tom and Jake come in, Jake runs to me, then hurries into the kitchen to eat, and drink his water.

I told Tom I was going to go to my room, to work on some songs I am writing.