THE COP AND THE POP STAR

CHAPTER 56: RED CARPET ALYSSA'S VIEW

                                                                                       ALYSSA'S VIEW

I am so nervous, I'm surprised no one sees me shaking. I think Tom knew. 

He's been so sweet to me all day. It makes me fall more in love with him.

He has been there for me through everything. My fears, my panic attacks, my tears. He listens, and he finds a way to make me laugh, or make me smile, and he has really helped me with my panic attacks.

He would tell me to listen to his breathing, and then he would say close your eyes, picture paradise, you are on a beautiful beach, the sun is going down, it's not too hot out, you are sipping on your favorite swirl drink, your toes are in the sand, and you are about to put your feet into the water.

I did what he said, and it helped. I was able to breathe.

I'm a mess on the inside and trying to not look like it on the outside. I don't want the fans or media to know.

I'm also feeling bad. I thought I was doing the best thing for Tom to protect him. He had no idea about the tv cameras, all the photographers here, and I did not want him to risk his undercover career, and out him as a cop.

But I hurt his feelings when I suggested he come in disguise, and as a McQuaid. I thought it would make sense because he is bad ass and it possibly could help stop my stalker. But Tom was worried about it, and I have noticed the looks he is getting, and it breaks my heart.

He's the sweetest guy, and he is only wearing that because I told him too, and now he's getting judged, and it's not right, and it's my fault.

I see the dirty looks, and then all those questions.

Tom thinks I was just upset because of the Rob questions. But that is not why I was upset.

I feel bad, because they were yelling all those questions about Tom, is he in a gang, why would he dress like this has he been in prison.

I can't believe I did this to him, and yet he's still being so sweet to me.

He's protective. He yelled at them for asking me questions about Rob. I was shocked.

He made all my doubts and fears go away for awhile when I came out of my bedroom.

It was fun having Judy come over and we did our makeup and hair and got ready. I really haven't had anyone to do that with, so it was great.

Then I was nervous coming out because I knew Tom was outside waiting for us, and I wasn't sure how I looked. Judy said I looked beautiful, but I don't see it. I think she looks so beautiful.

When I came out, Tom just stared at me. 

At first, I was a little upset and thought maybe I looked terrible, and he didn't want to hurt my feelings, but then he said, "Wow just wow."  And that made me blush. Then I asked him if he thought I looked okay and he said, "Alyssa you are beautiful, Stunning, no words can describe."

I almost believe him.  

I told him in the limo how scared I was, and he told me that he was there for me.

And he has been so sweet, makes me feel so safe.

I'm still not used to or comfortable with this attention, and the cameras, and the microphones.

Most of them are polite, but there are some rude media people and photographers, and some guys just make me feel gross, like the way they are looking at me like undressing me as they take their pictures. It all is overwhelming for me. And so I really hate these events.