take my hand //billie eilish//

chapter 22•

river pov:

im currently in billies room arguing with her unfortunately "if you really wanted me you wouldnt keep ashley around" "dont you know im no good for you" she spits

"what" "everytime we do this river i can see your heart breaking, the pain in your eyes everytime you look at me" shes right "why do you think that is? huh"

"i know i made a mistake two years ago and i understand your anger but that was two years ago just let it go" wow "just let it go? your kidding right" i scoff

"its either we forget the past and move on or we have to stop seeing each other again" "your the one who cant help your self your always touching me, kissing me when you have a girlfriend"

"remember when you said, if my heart screams your name to choose you, but once it stops beating for you thats when i let you go? maybe thats right now" i heard my heart crack literally

i walk out running down the stairs with tears pouring down my cheeks "i didnt mean it" she says following me, i look to my left to see a confused ashley

"you didnt mean it? so whyd you say it" i say turning around "my heart beats for you, it always has" she shouts, i see ashleys face drop and i hear finneas coming down the stairs

"i dont know what i want in my future but i do know one thing and its you" she says softly, i look into her eyes and back at ashley "let me know when you can show that" i say closing the door behind me

feeling like ive just closed the door on the only thing i care about, her

i sigh and begin walking home as billie brought me here in the first place i just wish we didnt have to argue like we do because the love is so pure yet so poisonous

as im walking i reach for my airpods and play 'listen before i go' "sorry i dont know how" i sing to my self as i walk into my empty apartment

noah and daisy have gone to see noahs parents for two weeks "dont say im all that matters, leave me, deja vu" i shout out as i connect my phone to the tv and begin cleaning

cleaning helps me think but right now billies music is making me question my position in all this, i seem selfish but i just want billie to choose me

'riv please' i see my phone light up as i read the text 'ive said this 100 times me or her' i sigh throwing my phone down on the sofa 'i want you river i do but i also love ashley im stuck' but why does that mean she has to fuck around with me? and hurt me feelings

'i want you' im giving into her, why am i giving in?

she tries to call me but i decline 'look you need to make a decision and until then i dont think we should be speaking, and flirting the way we do ashley is your girlfriend'

i lay down on the sofa and i let the tears escape as i realise i cant speak to her until that decision is made

SHORT CHAPTER BUT MORE IS COMING...