billie pov:
was drew right? river was asleep next to me and i couldnt sleep i was so heavy in thought about what river had told me drew said
i want her i know i do but im not good for her, especially with my depression and shit flooding its way back into my life its the last thing river needs
i can see it, i can see she loves me but the last
time she made a move it almost ended our friendship
"billie you up" i hear a whisper creak through my door snapping me out my thoughts
"yes im up" i say rushing out of bed and closing my door behind me "everything okay" i have a funny feeling something is wrong but i cant make out what
"everythings fine i just couldnt sleep finneas is snoring away" "same as river" we laugh and walk downstairs
"so how are you billie" god, i havent been asked that question in forever it sounded like white noise "im fine" i stutter
"i've noticed you havent been sleeping much again, which is why i got you out of bed" even claudia had noticed god i need to pull my self together
"really im fine claudia" she looks at me with that look, the same look river gives to me when she knows im lying "fine" i sigh
"so yesterday river and drew had a fight and drew said some shit to river and i dont know if its true i dont know how to feel" maybe im the problem
"look, you can feel how you want to feel about river you shouldn't let anyone come in the way of that no matter what because we can all see it billie, every single of us who see you everyday can see the love in your eyes when you look at her, the way your face lights up when she walks into the room, a smile that not many people can bring out of you" i can feel my self smiling at the thought of her
"see, it's happening right now" she giggles "but im not good for her, with my mental state not being where it should, her life is just as messy as mine and i couldn't just ask her to be my girlfriend and give her my problems" claudia places her hand on my leg
its bouncing at 100mph at this point "breath billie, your overthinking it to much, river would happily push her problems aside to help you and i know you billie more than you think you would do the exact same for her, use are young so dont rush anything and see how use build because the relationship use both clearly want will come naturally if its meant to be"
"you really are the best person to talk to" i laugh, but i dont think i could take the torture of letting it come as it comes, its like watching a snail race for god sakes
"tired yet" she says yawning "yes" i giggle and we walk upstairs, and she hugs me i feel like i couldve let all my emotions out in that hug but i held my self together and kept my legs from trembling "i love you billie please get some sleep" "i love you to clauds"
as i close my door i see my phone screen lit up, its drew
'so you gonna tell me about you and river'
'theres nothing going on between me and river'
'so how would i know use kissed?'
what? how the fuck does drew know
'we didnt whos told you this' i text claudia in a panic
'claudia drew has texted me please come down' as i make my way downstairs i sit on the sofa and i see claudias figure
'you think im dumb? i cant wait to tell your fans' shit no no this cant get out, not yet im not ready
"everything okay" she questions i keep my head down as my eyes fill like pools
claudia sits down next to me and wraps her arm around me and i fall into her chest "shes going to tell my fans i kissed a girl"
"river?" she questions "yes when river kissed me i kissed her back of course and somehow drew knows and she's threatening to tell my fans" i spoke so fast i dont know how claudia understood me
river pov:
"billie can you turn my phone off" i mumble hearing it vibrate against the nightstand "billie" i say leaning my arm behind me to feel the other side empty
she's probably gone for a drive i pick my phone squinting my eyes at the brightness, drew? what does she want
'you break things of with billie and i dont tell her fans use kissed' what the fuck is going on
it's literally 4am why is she doing this now and how does she know
'drew i have no idea what your talking about' i cant deal with this right now, billie is releasing new music making music videos shes constantly busy how could i tell her drew is threatening to tell her fans shes kissed a girl?
i run out my room taking my phone with me until i hear faint voices downstairs
"you just have to ignore her bills" "she's threatening to tell my fans i kissed a girl? id loose all my fans if they thought i was gay how does she know all this"
i take steps downstairs to see billie crying "billie" i say stood at the bottom of the stairs, my hair a mess, wearing one of billies oversized hoodie and some briefs
i hear her sigh "she texted you too" i just nod
my heart shattered, i know she isnt gay but her fans wouldnt hate her if they knew she kissed me? does this mean she regrets the kiss
"i have to break things of with you and she wont tell anyone" billie looks up at me
"she wouldnt tell anyone riv i know it" "we dont know that and your career is at risk billie"
my knees going weak i cant loose billie, but if its for her career i will have to, her music makes her happy she enjoys it most of the time
what should i do? do i leave or do i stay?
WELL THEN...
drew you bitch
YOU ARE READING
take my hand //billie eilish//
Fanfiction"take my hand, look at me and just breath" "billie i cant it hurts my chest is hurting"
