take my hand //billie eilish//

chapter 41•

river pov:

having to leave for university is harder than the last time, i mean i leave university in january as i only applied for a year

as im leaving marlow begins to cry "ill be back little man" i say tickling his stomach, pulling noah and daisy in for a hug

hearing the door close, felt like hell. of course i didnt want to leave but i didnt want a bad reputation on my record right?

billie is better a little, shes still in the hospital but claudia promised to keep me updated

loading everything into my car, something took over me i began driving to the hospital, river dont.

i sat in my car, for 20 whole minutes before pulling out, i didnt want to disrupt her and make her feel even worse

she needs to care for her self and focus on her work while i focus on mine, maybe this break up was the best for us both.

well not so me, i always ask claudia if shes okay and how she's doing of course claudia tells me but my minds telling me no but my hearts telling me yes

but i dont know which to listen to.

~time skip~

"ive missed you" i said hugging liv "ive missed you more ive been so lonely" she laughed, my phone pinged and it was an email

"oh my god" i say "what what what" she says hanging her head on my shoulder "ive been invited to the red carpet event" my jaw hung open as olivia squealed

"we need to celebrate" she smiled taking my hand

it reminded me of when claudia used to drag me here there and everywhere god i miss her and how close we used to be, of course we are still close but not as close as we were a 8 months ago, but whos counting?

she dragged my to a store and bought liquor "god you drink whiskey" i giggled, i havent genuinely laughed in so long, she really is my saviour

"how did you buy that your only 20" "fake id of course" shes that type of crazy, got it

"your 20 right?" she questioned "yes but i wish i was 19 all over again" she laughed walking into the dorm

"lets see you drunk" i say laughing as i grabbed the bag full of alcohol from her hand running to the tiny kitchen we had fitted in here.

she ran behind me putting her hand around my waist to stop me, just like she used to

~flashback~

"no i want them" i say almost pissing my self running around the kitchen island with her takis in my hand

"river i will literally tackle you" she said as i
continued to tease her, giggling at my self

until she caught me, wrapping her hands around my waist to stop me "hey" i whined, "can i at least have one" i say frowning my eyebrows

~end of flashback~

"sorry" she said, i froze and i must've made her feel awkward "no its okay" i smiled pouring the whiskey into shot glasses "to the red carpet" she said, i playfully rolled my eyes

we continued to take shot after shot, talking about our life, getting to know everything about each other we possibly could.

"so, you got a boyfriend" i slurred "boys? ew" she laughed "real" i faked gagged "hey this girl asked for you the other day, i did say you were away" she said pouring us another drink

"trust me girl i aint looking for anybody new" she smiled knowing exactly what i meant, we checked the time and it was already 3:30 am "fuck, weve been drinking for that long?"

we both bursted out laughing releasing we had a class tomorrow "fuck it" she says i agreed and we put on some music dancing around like idiots

i didnt care, this felt like home we clicked instantly and in this moment as i watched her dance i knew i had found my best friend

"instead of having a drink out the glass have the bottle" she said putting the glasses in the sink

we both layed on her bed facing the ceiling, "how are you" she said "seriously" she spat facing me as i kept my head faced to the ceiling

"im okay, even better im back here" i smiled as we both sat up taking mouth full after mouthful from the vodka bottle, the burning sensation slowly eased after each sip

my legs weaken and i felt my hand grip into the kitchen island, "liv i dont feel good" i say "maybe lay down" she says leading me to my bed

as soon as my head collided with my pillow my eyes glued together

the room spinning, my thoughts clear for the first time in months i felt free.

~

GIRL ALCOHOL ISNT THE SOLUTION...