take my hand //billie eilish//

chapter 45•

river pov:

last night hit me like a brick, i sit up holding my chest as a pain shot through, seeing my empty room

it was clean for a change i get up and get ready for class, billie was right this isnt me

i check my phone and when i searched her up she didnt appear? maybe shes blocked me i rolled my eyes continuing to wash my face

billie pov:

im glad i did that last night, i did go on her phone and block my self on everything

shes not ready for me to be in her life yet and i dont know when im going to change, when im going to stop being this bad person hurting everyone around me

i need to realise she is the only exception and i need to stop fucking around but it hasnt seem to come to me fully

"so last night?" claudia says coming into my room and laying on the bed

"yeah" i say nodding "so are use speaking?" she questions "thats the way i loved you" it was toxic...

"no, i blocked my self on everything" i sigh throwing my head into my pillow "she wasnt the river i knew" i spoke "the things she explained about our past it wasnt healthy" "it was toxic" claudia spat

even claudia knew "mhm" i mumbled into my pillow "you have to make this change if you want her back" "i cant change, i want to i really do but how do i change the mindset i have"

this mindset really doesnt help with my love life, i know she loves me but everything she does doesnt seem to help my mind think that

having this mindset can really play on you and its ruined my life, what if me and her never speak again? what if this is the end of us for good?

or maybe we stay friends?

fuck.

river pov:

i was sat in english next to olivia, things seemed different my mindset was straight i wasnt craving the free feeling i used to

was i coming back?

concentrating on my work olivia pocked me "river" she whispers "you wanna come with me" she held her hand out "what?" i whispered back

keeping my voice low, confused

"take my hand" she said so softly "trust me" she rolled her eyes, i guess one class wont hurt?

i took her hand in mine as she pulled me out the back door and ran across the football pitch still holding my hand

i was confused on what olivia had planned for me but i decided to go with it anyway

she unlocked her car and began pushing me into the passenger seat "can you at least" before i could even finish my sentence she slammed the door

"olivia" i said seriously whilst she handed me two envelops, it read "two standing tickets, billie eilish and finneas" "backstage passes" i looked at her

"olivia you have to be joking" i said trying to open the handle "im sick of seeing you mope over her" "like this is going to help?"

"your acting insane over her, river if you want her go get her" she laughed as she began to drive towards LA

"this is a bad idea she's definitely moved on"

olivia pov:

little did she know me and claudia have been speaking over these few days, we planned this

we are both sick of seeing them mope and speak about how much they want and love each other but not act on it

so we decided to not force it but make it happen? technically force it.

i could see her getting more and more nervous the closer we got to la "so we need to go shopping for outfits" i said giggling

"seriously liv i appreciate it but im not going" she rolled her eyes "i was thinking jorts for you? and a billie shirt"

she looked at me like she could kill me right now, whoops?

"come on, even if you dont want her back you need to handle the fact you will constantly hear her music and see her face everywhere, this could either bring use back together or this could help you get over it"

she stayed silent, i finally defeated her

river pov:

whatever olivia has planned, its not going to work, i dont have to see her face? i dont have to listen to her music

billie hurt me, and ive gotten over the fact she cheated but forcing me to go see her?

this is only going to bring back the painful happy memories we shared while on tour, i would always stand at the side and record her

and then 'i love you' played and god everytime it was magical

no river stop.

shaking my head hoping these memories would wash out i closed my eyes and sighed

"please olivia i really dont want to do this" i said as we arrived at the mall "come on we havent got long" she says opening my door for me

i loved her first. it was always going to be billie

but ive never stood in the crowd to watch her, ive never had to experience the feeling of my heart being ripped out everytime i see her face until these past few weeks

ive never had to mourn over someone who isnt dead, but thats the way every day goes now. its like a schedule

ive never had my heart broken by a relationship, i mean my heart has always been broken but its like she picked up the pieces and glued it back together

until one day she took the glue and stepped on it and with that my heart broke all over again.

"these are cute" she said holding them up to me

sighing knowing she wasnt going to give up and id have to do this

stubborn

reminds me of someone.

~

UGH YESSSS

WE STAN LIV AND CLAUDS FOR THIS.