take my hand //billie eilish//

chapter 33•

billie pov;

"billie eilish" they said for the 6th time tonight, i had received a lot of hate online prior to the grammies, so i felt awful taking the reward when many talented artists where sat infront of me

probably sick that i was getting award after award but when i saw rivers face light up everytime it made me smile

after we did our little speech and walked to the side and river hugged me immediately "im so proud of you" she says squeezing me to death

"thank you baby" i say looking up at her "wait have you been crying" i shake my head "dont lie to me" she says as we walk to the place to take our photos

"the hate i received really hurt me" i say patting my face with a cold flannel to make the swell from my eyes drop

"you and finneas deserved every single one of them rewards tonight, let people talk their shit it doesnt matter because who got the grammies?" i smiled at her words and went out to take my photos

~time skip~

we celebrated and got abit to drunk, river was laid next to me giggling her arse off "baby" i say cutting her off "im sorry i cant help it" she continued to laugh for 10 minutes

she cuddles into the crevice of my neck and planted soft kisses "dont do that" i say with the biggest smile on my face "your face says different" she said so sassily

until i heard her light snores as she wrapped her arm around my chest, i stayed there afraid to even breath to hard, ill admit she was a beautiful sleeper

her eyelashes fluttering every couple seconds until her body started to jolt "river" i say "dad?" i hear, what the fuck

"river" "please" i hear her whimper "river" i shake her waking her, silence filled the air as she looked into my eyes while the tears rolled down her cheek

"he was there billie, he touched me" she cries "it was just a dream ri" i hug her tighter than i ever have before running my nails through her hair

i hold her running my nails up and down her back like i normally do

"its okay" i say softly with the odd crack from my throat, she stayed where she was for a good half an hour until i felt the tears drop into my chest faster as her body tightened

"breathe baby" shes panicking and the only way i know how to help is to "river take my hand, look at me and just breathe" i say getting deja vu

her face getting hotter with each sob that slipped "please breathe river" her face began to turn red and she held her throat in agony "FINNEAS" i yelled as he and claudia barged into my room, my head spinning

"cold flannel and water please" i say as i sit her up in between my legs letting her lean into me "slow baby" my voice getting quieter as she held her throat "i know baby, breathe" i say wiping the sweat of her head with my sleave

any moment now she will loose consciousness from not breathing until claudia came in with the cold flannel placing it on her forehead

she out three quick breathes through her sobs, shes never had a panic attack like this and now i fear her going to collage alone

as the cold water dripped down her face she spoke "im" i nodded at her "sorry" she says as she holds my hand "its okay" i say

feeling her chest begin to move slower as she took the flannel from claudia placing on the back of her neck, her body still hot as she breathed fast gaining them back

"ive got you okay?" she nodded i thanked claudia as her and finneas left to give her some privacy "he touched me, and told me it was my fault" i shook my head "it was a dream it was never your fault"

as she began to fall back to sleep, i held her with the flannel still on her head, feeling her body relax i sighed in relief

watching her as she slept

i didnt sleep at all i watched her rest just incase anything else happened.

~
panic attacks are the worse :( im sorry if this triggered anyone.